How To: Discuss Freedom Of Speech
Freedom of speech is the freedom to speak freely. The term freedom of expression is sometimes used synonymously, but includes any act of seeking, receiving and imparting information or ideas, regardless of the medium used.
I wanted to have a quick Freedom of Speech lesson before people get all up on Twitter and Facebook screaming about “Have you ever heard of FREEDOM of Speech, how’s come Roland Martin is in trouble for tweeting to bitch-smack all the gays in the room!!??”
Roland Martin and every other person in this country have the right to say whatever crap they want. Those inbred cult freaks from that church I don’t even like to mention cause they get enough attention, THOSE people have the right to say whatever made-up baloney they want about our American Soldiers. Mel Gibson has the right to get drunk on wine coolers and then spew off every racial and misogynistic stereotype he can think of to a police officer (but not to drive after drinking the wine coolers.) My coworker had the right to send a petty email regarding a personal disagreement to another coworker and then copy the entire department and our boss. You always have the right to say whatever the heck you want, but it doesn’t mean that you don’t have to deal with the consequences of those words.
This common misconception (that Freedom of Speech means that everyone has to be in love with everything you say) always makes me think of a Dixie Chicks concert I went to many moons ago. Ah Dixie Chicks, where have you been in my life lately? Anyway, they had a video running during one of their songs with images all relating to the topic of Freedom of Speech. One section showed angry Americans stomping on and burning Dixie Chicks CD’s and posters. See, this was right after Natalie Mains had stated how she was ashamed to be from Texas since W was also from Texas. The point of the video was that she had the right to say whatever she wanted; however their fans also have the right to not buy their music because of it.
Think of it this way, someone has a right to walk up to you, tell you that you smell like Mel’s poo truck (Hi Mel, I bet you are reading this!) and that your baby is the spawn of satan. And then you have the right to not want to be their friend anymore. Like I would ‘unfriend’ them on Facebook and probably stop texting back. Even if you want to get in the last word, just stop texting otherwise you stoop to their level and it’s just petty. Anyway…
So, since Roland Martin tweeted during the Super Bowl about how naked guys gross him out and make him violent (although now he is saying that he was just making fun of Soccer, so um, you can believe that if you want) then the pressure from GLAAD and other organizations who represent minorities can cause his employer to decide to fire or reprimand him. That is a potential consequence of his actions.
And as for those who think our Nation is getting too “Politically Correct.” Tell that to my face next time you see me. GLAAD is constantly making this country better for my friends and me to live in without getting gay-bashed at work or in our neighborhoods. I love political correctness and all those it protects. I don’t want to go back to the days when women had to listen to dudes at work talk about their Penis and/or have them ask them out. No thanks.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Prop 8
I would like for the Mormon Church (and all the other douche bags who spent money supporting Prop 8) to try to explain to hungry and poor people, or to Jesus for that matter, why in the F they thought it was a good idea to waste all that money in advertising for something that was inevitably and eventually going to be defunct anyway….
Thursday, February 2, 2012
How being gay cost me $29,000
A Real Life, Actual Person, True Story Account of Why Marriage Equality is Important
Cristy and Ann live together and have for 1.5 years. They share a dog, a cat, meals, bills, sometimes clothes and, as it were, a bed. Ann works at Brown Mackie College and Brown Mackie College offers domestic partnership benefits. Yay Brown Mackie College, you rule!! This made Ann and Cristy very happy when Ann accepted this job because Cristy’s benefits through her own work are about as useful as my coat this winter (today it is 55 and sunny on February 2nd.) Happy smile faces all around! Picture the two running through a field of rainbows with giant lollypops and sunshine.
However, once Ann did the math, as she likes to do, it turns out things are not as groovy as they seemed. The Federal Government (hereto forward to be known as “Mad Old Man”) doesn’t recognize Ann and Cristy’s relationship as a Marriage or even as a Domestic Partnership. To Mad Old Man they are simply roommates who sin 2.5 times per week then go back to being roommates. Mad Old Man is even madder that Ann and Cristy could potentially enjoy benefits like Tuition Assistance and better health care like the perfect God-intended male/female couples do; so he puts a stop to their fun. TAXES!! He taxes all of the benefits that Ann and Cristy receive but not those of Adam and Eve (or Jane and Steve or Carrie and Cleve, etc, etc.) Now Ann and Cristy feel they are walking through a field of sad clowns with grey clouds overhead dumping rain only on their little gay heads. Even their dog and cat have sad faces.
If Cristy were Christopher or, say, Newt, then she could have had FREE college tuition! This would have saved Cristy and Ann $29,000 in student loans! Wowsers!! Oh wait, Cristy CAN have free college tuition because Brown Mackie College (yay!) provides that benefit to Domestic Partnerships and they have one of those. It is even notarized and everything!!
However, when factoring in Mad Old Man’s gay punishment, Ann and Cristy would have to pay taxes on the tuition at the end of the year, and they simply can’t afford that. So instead of getting free tuition for Cristy, we owe $29,000 in student loans to Mad Old Man’s cousin Sallie Mae. Mad Old Man is so mean but some of his children, most recently Washington State, are recognizing relationships of couples like Ann and Cristy. So hopefully, slowly but surely, one day all the committed couples in the Mad Old Man’s land will be happy in rainbow fields again!
The moral of this story is never let a Mad Old Man get you down. You go after him like the mob of villagers in Beauty and the Beast with pitchforks and glitter bombs (ok they didn’t have those but it would have been prettier.)
Cristy and Ann live together and have for 1.5 years. They share a dog, a cat, meals, bills, sometimes clothes and, as it were, a bed. Ann works at Brown Mackie College and Brown Mackie College offers domestic partnership benefits. Yay Brown Mackie College, you rule!! This made Ann and Cristy very happy when Ann accepted this job because Cristy’s benefits through her own work are about as useful as my coat this winter (today it is 55 and sunny on February 2nd.) Happy smile faces all around! Picture the two running through a field of rainbows with giant lollypops and sunshine.
However, once Ann did the math, as she likes to do, it turns out things are not as groovy as they seemed. The Federal Government (hereto forward to be known as “Mad Old Man”) doesn’t recognize Ann and Cristy’s relationship as a Marriage or even as a Domestic Partnership. To Mad Old Man they are simply roommates who sin 2.5 times per week then go back to being roommates. Mad Old Man is even madder that Ann and Cristy could potentially enjoy benefits like Tuition Assistance and better health care like the perfect God-intended male/female couples do; so he puts a stop to their fun. TAXES!! He taxes all of the benefits that Ann and Cristy receive but not those of Adam and Eve (or Jane and Steve or Carrie and Cleve, etc, etc.) Now Ann and Cristy feel they are walking through a field of sad clowns with grey clouds overhead dumping rain only on their little gay heads. Even their dog and cat have sad faces.
If Cristy were Christopher or, say, Newt, then she could have had FREE college tuition! This would have saved Cristy and Ann $29,000 in student loans! Wowsers!! Oh wait, Cristy CAN have free college tuition because Brown Mackie College (yay!) provides that benefit to Domestic Partnerships and they have one of those. It is even notarized and everything!!
However, when factoring in Mad Old Man’s gay punishment, Ann and Cristy would have to pay taxes on the tuition at the end of the year, and they simply can’t afford that. So instead of getting free tuition for Cristy, we owe $29,000 in student loans to Mad Old Man’s cousin Sallie Mae. Mad Old Man is so mean but some of his children, most recently Washington State, are recognizing relationships of couples like Ann and Cristy. So hopefully, slowly but surely, one day all the committed couples in the Mad Old Man’s land will be happy in rainbow fields again!
The moral of this story is never let a Mad Old Man get you down. You go after him like the mob of villagers in Beauty and the Beast with pitchforks and glitter bombs (ok they didn’t have those but it would have been prettier.)
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Office Memos
I love when office memos say things like: “There still seems to be some confusion regarding ____________.”
What they really mean is: “you people seem to be too dense and brain dead to comprehend this new process we have explained fourteen times so we are going to spell it out in an over-exaggerated outline form. This way we can write you up if you get it wrong one more time. Idiots.”
What they really mean is: “you people seem to be too dense and brain dead to comprehend this new process we have explained fourteen times so we are going to spell it out in an over-exaggerated outline form. This way we can write you up if you get it wrong one more time. Idiots.”
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
I love Pinterest! All the DIY ideas, recipes and pictures of fashion we want but can't afford are fascinating! Opening Pinterest every day is like a daily Christmas for my brain. There could be anything on there and I might find things I want, eeeeeekkkk!!! I mean there is some seriously cool shit on there; I am pretty convinced that eventually the solution to World Peace and Global Warming will pop up. However, I try to only re-pin or pin things that are actually good ideas, not just good ideas in theory.
For example, while I would agree that an old door or an old dresser can be made into millions of other things, how many of either do you actually have sitting around?
Every time I look at a Pin I have a few phases of critique.
1. Is this item relevant to me? Anything with the words “Child’s birthday party” or “bacon” gets skipped.
2. Do I think this is cool, interesting, cute or profound?
3. If the answer to number 2 is yes then I will then decide whether or not this item is useful in my day to day life and whether it is realistically doable. Also is it worth DIYing or better to just buy the darned thing somewhere (for example I recently saw a recipe for a salad that had no less than 35 ingredients.) NOT WORTH IT!
4. If the Pin would possibly be interesting to someone else then I will also decide whether to re-pin and share with the world (or with the two other people who didn’t already see the item on someone else’s board.)
What is your favorite "Pinterest!?"
For example, while I would agree that an old door or an old dresser can be made into millions of other things, how many of either do you actually have sitting around?
Every time I look at a Pin I have a few phases of critique.
1. Is this item relevant to me? Anything with the words “Child’s birthday party” or “bacon” gets skipped.
2. Do I think this is cool, interesting, cute or profound?
3. If the answer to number 2 is yes then I will then decide whether or not this item is useful in my day to day life and whether it is realistically doable. Also is it worth DIYing or better to just buy the darned thing somewhere (for example I recently saw a recipe for a salad that had no less than 35 ingredients.) NOT WORTH IT!
4. If the Pin would possibly be interesting to someone else then I will also decide whether to re-pin and share with the world (or with the two other people who didn’t already see the item on someone else’s board.)
What is your favorite "Pinterest!?"
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
How To: Use the Lanes on the Highway
This is the first in what I hope will be many blogs giving simple “How To” instructions regarding seemingly simple concepts which are apparently confusing in practice. The first topic I will discuss is the proper use of Lanes on two lane roads and highways.
1. Pass on the left, and don’t pass on the right. Thus, if a car is to the left of YOUR car when you are passing them then that is bad. I know this is confusing, so remember: The sucker you are passing is on the right, and that is right, right!?
2. If you intend to change lanes, indicate this with your turning signal (I will continue to call this a turning signal instead of turn signal because it’s cuter, even if it is inappropriate) PRIOR to changing lanes. This allows other cars around you to prepare for your upcoming lane change. It is ineffective to signal while changing lanes and it is frankly pretty prickish. (Here I am, Bitches, all up in your lane!!!)
3. The turning signal is pushed up to indicate a right turn, and down to indicate a left turn. If this becomes confusing try to imagine the steering wheel like a clock. The lever moves up around and clockwise for right, down and counterclockwise for left. Draw a pretty picture if you need to and place the diagram on your wheel instead of that peely, cracked and stained steering wheel cover. Seriously, it’s gross.
4. The frequent use of the term “Fast Lanes” for the left hand lanes has led the population to believe that the further left you are on the highway then the faster you should be going. This is incorrect. It doesn’t go: snails and drunken turtles in right lane, old people in next lane, angry commuters in next lane, and finally race car drivers on crack in far left lane. A better name for the lanes on the left is “Passing Lanes.” That is what these lanes are for is to PASS people who you wish to drive faster than. Thus, if Car A is in the far left lane passing Car B but only passing them at 65 MPH while you wish to be driving 98 MPH, this does NOT give you the right to ride Car A’s bumper, honk, gesture, moon, flash your hand gun or otherwise intimidate them. Let Car A pass Car B then you can pass both of them!! Yay!
5. It is best not to assume that another car will get out of your way if you wish to be driving where they are. You know what they say happens when we assume, it “makes an Ass out of U and Me!” And in this case it can make a bloody road pancake out of you and me and likely a few other people. Probably best to wait til all is clear.
6. If you miss your exit, proceed to the following exit, turn around and head back to your intended exit. It is not correct to fly across 3 lanes of traffic like Simba through the stampeding Antelope to barely make your exit, narrowly missing the barrier by 2.5 inches. That is simply not appropriate for obvious reasons, thank you.
7. Turning Lanes are for turning, not driving. Drive in regular lanes. Turn in turning lanes. Turning lanes have arrows in them to indicate that you can turn from them. Thus an emergency lane, although wide enough to fit your car, may not be appropriate to turn from, so look for those handy arrows.
8. Solid lines mean not to cross over them. Think of them like floating lines in the swimming pool, if you cross them you will bump your head and inhale chlorine water. But instead of bumping your head you will smash it into your steering wheel when you crash into someone who knew you were not supposed to cross the solid lines. Dotted lines mean you can cross but only if it is safe to do so. If there is a school bus full of babies flying directly at you at full speed then it’s best not to use the spotted line change option at that time.
Please feel free to add any additional instruction you may see fit. Thank you for driving safely, please keep your hands, arms, ass, middle finger, and sawed off shot gun inside the car at all times.
1. Pass on the left, and don’t pass on the right. Thus, if a car is to the left of YOUR car when you are passing them then that is bad. I know this is confusing, so remember: The sucker you are passing is on the right, and that is right, right!?
2. If you intend to change lanes, indicate this with your turning signal (I will continue to call this a turning signal instead of turn signal because it’s cuter, even if it is inappropriate) PRIOR to changing lanes. This allows other cars around you to prepare for your upcoming lane change. It is ineffective to signal while changing lanes and it is frankly pretty prickish. (Here I am, Bitches, all up in your lane!!!)
3. The turning signal is pushed up to indicate a right turn, and down to indicate a left turn. If this becomes confusing try to imagine the steering wheel like a clock. The lever moves up around and clockwise for right, down and counterclockwise for left. Draw a pretty picture if you need to and place the diagram on your wheel instead of that peely, cracked and stained steering wheel cover. Seriously, it’s gross.
4. The frequent use of the term “Fast Lanes” for the left hand lanes has led the population to believe that the further left you are on the highway then the faster you should be going. This is incorrect. It doesn’t go: snails and drunken turtles in right lane, old people in next lane, angry commuters in next lane, and finally race car drivers on crack in far left lane. A better name for the lanes on the left is “Passing Lanes.” That is what these lanes are for is to PASS people who you wish to drive faster than. Thus, if Car A is in the far left lane passing Car B but only passing them at 65 MPH while you wish to be driving 98 MPH, this does NOT give you the right to ride Car A’s bumper, honk, gesture, moon, flash your hand gun or otherwise intimidate them. Let Car A pass Car B then you can pass both of them!! Yay!
5. It is best not to assume that another car will get out of your way if you wish to be driving where they are. You know what they say happens when we assume, it “makes an Ass out of U and Me!” And in this case it can make a bloody road pancake out of you and me and likely a few other people. Probably best to wait til all is clear.
6. If you miss your exit, proceed to the following exit, turn around and head back to your intended exit. It is not correct to fly across 3 lanes of traffic like Simba through the stampeding Antelope to barely make your exit, narrowly missing the barrier by 2.5 inches. That is simply not appropriate for obvious reasons, thank you.
7. Turning Lanes are for turning, not driving. Drive in regular lanes. Turn in turning lanes. Turning lanes have arrows in them to indicate that you can turn from them. Thus an emergency lane, although wide enough to fit your car, may not be appropriate to turn from, so look for those handy arrows.
8. Solid lines mean not to cross over them. Think of them like floating lines in the swimming pool, if you cross them you will bump your head and inhale chlorine water. But instead of bumping your head you will smash it into your steering wheel when you crash into someone who knew you were not supposed to cross the solid lines. Dotted lines mean you can cross but only if it is safe to do so. If there is a school bus full of babies flying directly at you at full speed then it’s best not to use the spotted line change option at that time.
Please feel free to add any additional instruction you may see fit. Thank you for driving safely, please keep your hands, arms, ass, middle finger, and sawed off shot gun inside the car at all times.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Queso Rage
A few months ago I was in Chipotle and noticed the impatient man in front of me rolling his eyes at the length of the line. Apparently he felt that he should be the only one who wants a burrito at 12:45 in the afternoon and the quick pace of the line was not enough to satisfy him. When he reached the ordering station, he snipped and snapped at each person who was there to help, and he visibly made fun of the man who was adding the cheese. Impatient man didn’t understand the word “Queso” so proceeded to make fun of the Chipotle worker’s English while fussing that he wanted four half-ton mountains of cheese instead of just three.
Another lady a few weeks later didn’t like that there was a hold up of approximately 2 minutes, and asked me “what’s taking so long, are they converting to pesos!? Heh heh heh.” I just stared at her.
First of all I think it is interesting how people have so quickly forgotten what it was like before we had places like Subway and Chipotle where we can literally direct the person constructing our food. We get to tell them how to make it! Do these people still visit Taco Bell and Wendy’s? Would anyone accept a single shriveled brown piece of lettuce if they were watching the sandwich being made? They are willing to pay for that slop on a bun but should Chipotle put one fewer piece of chicken flesh (sorry had to throw that in there) than you were wanting on your troth of food and all hell breaks loose. Power corrupts!!!
This application of salsa will mean I will NOT HAVE FULL SALSA COVERAGE IN EVERY BITE!! OH THE RAGE!!!!
Secondly, this particular Chipotle has given me extraordinary service 99% of the time. For the majority of the employees English is a second language but this really is not a bother as we are always able to communicate and my burrito is consistently fresh, fast and most importantly, Vegan! All up until today when I went in to order and noticed a very obvious lack of cultural diversity in the line. All of a sudden there is no language barrier, just a lack of interest. The 18-22 year old white kids on the line were passive, unfriendly, and sloppy and a couple even sported a sizeable attitude.
The following exchange happened in front of me in line:
Dude In Stocking Cap: “Could I get a little extra chicken?”
Rude White Chick with Too Much Make Up: *While flopping on a few extra pieces of chicken* “Yep and it costs extra.”
DISC: Oh, well I didn’t realize it would cost extra, I just wanted a few extra pieces.
RWCWTMMU: “Well, I guess we are GIVING AWAY free CHICKEN today!?” *As she mushes the thing together into a semi-burrito shape*
DISC: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cause a problem, I just didn’t want to pay for extra chicken, I didn’t really want it all that much, and ….”
All the while ALL the girls in the line were hemming and hawing for literally like 10 minutes about whether to make this offender a new burrito or to charge him for the chicken, or to just give him the burrito as is and not charge him extra. They went back and forth, all contradicting each other, like they were deciding which division of a Fortune 500 company to sell off. All of this time I am waiting for the burrito steaming chick to stop asking me things I had already told her. Brown Rice, no meat, I said vegetarian. Burrito not bowl, I already said that!!!!
I am truly hoping that the reason for the staff switch up is because some of the workers have gone home to Mexico for the holidays and they will return. I really, really, hope it’s not due to complaints from jerks like Impatient Man from the original example above. I, for one, would 10 times rather have the friendly Mexican workers back since they actually provide a good customer experience. A lot more than I can say about these ladies I encountered today.
People with accents (especially Hispanic accents) are constantly made fun of, ridiculed and dismissed and it even happens in my local Mexican restaurant. No, really, it does. I saw some trashy douche bags doing it not too long ago!! There, where the owners, chefs, wait staff and the lady swiping your credit card have a Mexican accent because they are, gasp, FROM Mexico. Big effing deal. How much does this really inconvenience folks that they feel the need to post it on Facebook and put ugly bumper stickers on their Toyotas about it? “Speak English, you are in America.” “America is for Americans.”
Unless you are full blood Native American then your ancestors also came from somewhere besides America. Get over it and enjoy some queso (or Queso Vegetariano estricto.)
Another lady a few weeks later didn’t like that there was a hold up of approximately 2 minutes, and asked me “what’s taking so long, are they converting to pesos!? Heh heh heh.” I just stared at her.
First of all I think it is interesting how people have so quickly forgotten what it was like before we had places like Subway and Chipotle where we can literally direct the person constructing our food. We get to tell them how to make it! Do these people still visit Taco Bell and Wendy’s? Would anyone accept a single shriveled brown piece of lettuce if they were watching the sandwich being made? They are willing to pay for that slop on a bun but should Chipotle put one fewer piece of chicken flesh (sorry had to throw that in there) than you were wanting on your troth of food and all hell breaks loose. Power corrupts!!!
This application of salsa will mean I will NOT HAVE FULL SALSA COVERAGE IN EVERY BITE!! OH THE RAGE!!!!
Secondly, this particular Chipotle has given me extraordinary service 99% of the time. For the majority of the employees English is a second language but this really is not a bother as we are always able to communicate and my burrito is consistently fresh, fast and most importantly, Vegan! All up until today when I went in to order and noticed a very obvious lack of cultural diversity in the line. All of a sudden there is no language barrier, just a lack of interest. The 18-22 year old white kids on the line were passive, unfriendly, and sloppy and a couple even sported a sizeable attitude.
The following exchange happened in front of me in line:
Dude In Stocking Cap: “Could I get a little extra chicken?”
Rude White Chick with Too Much Make Up: *While flopping on a few extra pieces of chicken* “Yep and it costs extra.”
DISC: Oh, well I didn’t realize it would cost extra, I just wanted a few extra pieces.
RWCWTMMU: “Well, I guess we are GIVING AWAY free CHICKEN today!?” *As she mushes the thing together into a semi-burrito shape*
DISC: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cause a problem, I just didn’t want to pay for extra chicken, I didn’t really want it all that much, and ….”
All the while ALL the girls in the line were hemming and hawing for literally like 10 minutes about whether to make this offender a new burrito or to charge him for the chicken, or to just give him the burrito as is and not charge him extra. They went back and forth, all contradicting each other, like they were deciding which division of a Fortune 500 company to sell off. All of this time I am waiting for the burrito steaming chick to stop asking me things I had already told her. Brown Rice, no meat, I said vegetarian. Burrito not bowl, I already said that!!!!
I am truly hoping that the reason for the staff switch up is because some of the workers have gone home to Mexico for the holidays and they will return. I really, really, hope it’s not due to complaints from jerks like Impatient Man from the original example above. I, for one, would 10 times rather have the friendly Mexican workers back since they actually provide a good customer experience. A lot more than I can say about these ladies I encountered today.
People with accents (especially Hispanic accents) are constantly made fun of, ridiculed and dismissed and it even happens in my local Mexican restaurant. No, really, it does. I saw some trashy douche bags doing it not too long ago!! There, where the owners, chefs, wait staff and the lady swiping your credit card have a Mexican accent because they are, gasp, FROM Mexico. Big effing deal. How much does this really inconvenience folks that they feel the need to post it on Facebook and put ugly bumper stickers on their Toyotas about it? “Speak English, you are in America.” “America is for Americans.”
Unless you are full blood Native American then your ancestors also came from somewhere besides America. Get over it and enjoy some queso (or Queso Vegetariano estricto.)
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