I was doing my yearly gardening recently, which for me means dumping seeds and plants in pots and hoping I get something useful and/or pretty out of them. The next day I noticed all the ugly, impossible to remove dirt under my fingernails. I do realize that putting on gloves would solve this yearly problem but, whatever.
This reminded me of one random summer (I can’t remember which) when I had decided that I was grown up so I wanted to grow out my fingernails like my Mom’s. One day I came in from a particularly exciting session of digging maple tree helicopters out of our sandbox while Meg buried my feet; when my Mom noticed something. Dirt – under those longer fingernails (actually only half were even remotely long because most broke off making mud pies or playing neighborhood snot-berry war or something.) She warned me that if I wanted to be grown up enough to have long finger nails then I would have to keep them clean. I needed to decide between long fingernails or playing in the yard.
Would that I could go back to myself at that age and tell me to cut those suckers off and dig in that sand to my heart’s content. “Watch Peter Pan one more time and try to grasp it’s meaning before you are 25, little Ann!!”
Peter Pan is my all time favorite Disney Movie (and also favorite ride at Walt Disney World) and all you have to do is see me ride or watch to know why. The memories attached, coupled with the message of cherishing and then later longing for summer days with no responsibilities fill my already overly emotional self with emotiony emotions. At Disney it is not only acceptable to act like a child but it is encouraged and rewarded! Who wouldn’t want to do that? Mean old Scroogie Captain Hook types, that’s who!
All of this is totally cliché and children will never fully appreciate what it is to be a child until they are standing there 20 years later in a kitchen with crusty dishes in the sink, paying bills while screaming at a washing machine that gave up on life and just stopped spinning. But that won’t keep me from sitting with my nieces and nephews and making them watch Peter Pan while cutting their little fingernails and reminding them to never grow up. Even if you must grow up, don’t ever really.
"Why do we have to grow up? I know more adults who have the children's approach to life. They're people who don't give a hang what the Joneses do. You see them at Disneyland every time you go there. They are not afraid to be delighted with simple pleasures, and they have a degree of contentment with what life has brought - sometimes it isn't much, either."
- Walt Disney
Friday, April 27, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Lyin' King
This fun little exchange took place about a year ago but I was just giggling to myself about it today so though that I would share so you can giggle too!
When I was but a young pup admissions rep at Brown Mackie College Northern Kentucky (on the bulletin board I always get dinged for not putting the dash between the words College and Northern, so I am intentionally leaving it out here in defiance) I had a student come in to tour the school. We will call him J.
J had quite a few obstacles to getting in school; his work schedule was here and there, he had 5 kids at home and he had been in and out of trouble with the law (which really means he had a bit of a drug problem.)
Try as I might I was never able to get J in for his Financial Aid appointment, which is a pre-cursor to starting school; students must have a payment plan in place. I bet we scheduled 15 appointments with him over three months trying to get it completed and he just simply could not ever make it. Every time I called he sounded like Eeyore answered the phone after taking 3 Zanex and drinking a bottle of rum. He always had some far fetched elaborate excuse (impressive for a drugged out dude!) 5-6 months later I had mostly given up on him when I received the strangest call from J’s mother in California. The conversation went like this:
J’s Mom: Hi this is J’s Mother calling from California.
Me: Um, ok. Hi!
J’s Mom: I know that J is a 30 year old man but as his mother I can’t help but worry about him still. J told me that his check was going to be late this month; do you know anything about that?
Me: His check? For wh……a Financial Aid check?
J’s Mom: Yes he said that his refund check from Financial Aid was late this month and that was why he needed some extra money.
Me: Um, um, I can’t give out information on students and also I am not in the Financial Aid Department.
J’s Mom: Oh, I see, yes I understand. Well, Ann, do you know if he has been coming to his classes? I just want to make sure he is doing what he needs to do in school.
Me: I am so sorry (sorry your son is a lying sack of poop, but I didn’t say that) but I can not give out any information on Students at all.
J’s Mom: Well thank you so much, Ann, I understand.
And you guys, this lady was like SO nice and had the sweetest voice; it was killing me to realize that J was lying to her to get extra drug money. Like even Leo DiCaprio’s character in The Basketball Diaries wasn’t THAT mean! I am picturing her like the little lady begging for insurance money due to her in the movie The Incredibles: gray haired, hunched over holding her little purse with the metal chain strap and a tissue. Poor lady!!
I tell you what J is one lucky bastard that I am not able to give out any information on students to anyone but the student themselves. His dumb self had given his mom my DIRECT LINE to call and check in on him. Risky move, I guess his motto is Hakuna Matata!
When I was but a young pup admissions rep at Brown Mackie College Northern Kentucky (on the bulletin board I always get dinged for not putting the dash between the words College and Northern, so I am intentionally leaving it out here in defiance) I had a student come in to tour the school. We will call him J.
J had quite a few obstacles to getting in school; his work schedule was here and there, he had 5 kids at home and he had been in and out of trouble with the law (which really means he had a bit of a drug problem.)
Try as I might I was never able to get J in for his Financial Aid appointment, which is a pre-cursor to starting school; students must have a payment plan in place. I bet we scheduled 15 appointments with him over three months trying to get it completed and he just simply could not ever make it. Every time I called he sounded like Eeyore answered the phone after taking 3 Zanex and drinking a bottle of rum. He always had some far fetched elaborate excuse (impressive for a drugged out dude!) 5-6 months later I had mostly given up on him when I received the strangest call from J’s mother in California. The conversation went like this:
J’s Mom: Hi this is J’s Mother calling from California.
Me: Um, ok. Hi!
J’s Mom: I know that J is a 30 year old man but as his mother I can’t help but worry about him still. J told me that his check was going to be late this month; do you know anything about that?
Me: His check? For wh……a Financial Aid check?
J’s Mom: Yes he said that his refund check from Financial Aid was late this month and that was why he needed some extra money.
Me: Um, um, I can’t give out information on students and also I am not in the Financial Aid Department.
J’s Mom: Oh, I see, yes I understand. Well, Ann, do you know if he has been coming to his classes? I just want to make sure he is doing what he needs to do in school.
Me: I am so sorry (sorry your son is a lying sack of poop, but I didn’t say that) but I can not give out any information on Students at all.
J’s Mom: Well thank you so much, Ann, I understand.
And you guys, this lady was like SO nice and had the sweetest voice; it was killing me to realize that J was lying to her to get extra drug money. Like even Leo DiCaprio’s character in The Basketball Diaries wasn’t THAT mean! I am picturing her like the little lady begging for insurance money due to her in the movie The Incredibles: gray haired, hunched over holding her little purse with the metal chain strap and a tissue. Poor lady!!
I tell you what J is one lucky bastard that I am not able to give out any information on students to anyone but the student themselves. His dumb self had given his mom my DIRECT LINE to call and check in on him. Risky move, I guess his motto is Hakuna Matata!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Trump vs. Trunk
It has been said that many times people with decent book smarts can tend to lack in common sense. (Shut up, that is SO not me!) I would argue that many times business smarts coincide with a lack of social sense. Donald Trump says some of the dumbest shit I have heard from a person of relative power; and apparently his sons take after him. Photos are surfacing of them holding up body parts of wild animals they “hunted” in Africa. Really?? Just because you have gobs of money doesn’t mean that you can ignore basic laws of humanity. It seriously reminds me of the movie Hostel; where extremely rich people pay a small fortune in order to torture and kill other humans.
They stated that they were just participating in a local custom. A “local custom” which further lessens the number of beautiful elephants we have left on this planet so that you can be Big Strong Man, Hunt from Truck, Kill Wild Beast. (Wild Beasts that were brought down with sophisticated weapons, how manly.)
The Business Insider’s Joseph Alexiou, lists the 7 dumbest things Donald Trump had said in a two week time on April 3, 2011. I can only assume his sons are headed in the same direction of delusional power and self satisfaction. One of my favorites was regarding President Obama’s Birth Certificate:
"there is something on that birth certificate — maybe religion, maybe it says he's a Muslim, I don't know. Maybe he doesn't want that. Or, he may not have one."
Oh Donald….
According to ABC News, one of the young Trumps recently tweeted in response to the controversy:
“in parts of africa they are actually overpopulated and killed by the govt. I know its not PC but look it up you’ll see.”
That is very interesting; I never knew that I could “look it up!” I will go look it up now…….
………….Oh yep, I found that elephants are not endangered. They are also stampeding through NYC at this very moment according to one website. They might, according to another site, eventually be the cause of the zombie apocalypse. And based on another story I found, they can fly!! Dumbo was a true tale all along!!
I am sure that the local’s who are “Ivory hunters,” according to the Trumps, do indeed tell them that there are way too many elephants in Africa - in order to justify their trade. In reality there are conservation efforts all over Africa trying to protect them from extinction. My mom “adopted” an Elephant on my behalf through one such group and she is beautiful and thriving, thank goodness.
Even if you are participating in a local custom does that make it ok? If the local custom was to sacrifice anyone with their father’s name sake and feed them to the hyenas then I doubt Donald Jr. would be as eager to participate.
They stated that they were just participating in a local custom. A “local custom” which further lessens the number of beautiful elephants we have left on this planet so that you can be Big Strong Man, Hunt from Truck, Kill Wild Beast. (Wild Beasts that were brought down with sophisticated weapons, how manly.)
The Business Insider’s Joseph Alexiou, lists the 7 dumbest things Donald Trump had said in a two week time on April 3, 2011. I can only assume his sons are headed in the same direction of delusional power and self satisfaction. One of my favorites was regarding President Obama’s Birth Certificate:
"there is something on that birth certificate — maybe religion, maybe it says he's a Muslim, I don't know. Maybe he doesn't want that. Or, he may not have one."
Oh Donald….
According to ABC News, one of the young Trumps recently tweeted in response to the controversy:
“in parts of africa they are actually overpopulated and killed by the govt. I know its not PC but look it up you’ll see.”
That is very interesting; I never knew that I could “look it up!” I will go look it up now…….
………….Oh yep, I found that elephants are not endangered. They are also stampeding through NYC at this very moment according to one website. They might, according to another site, eventually be the cause of the zombie apocalypse. And based on another story I found, they can fly!! Dumbo was a true tale all along!!
I am sure that the local’s who are “Ivory hunters,” according to the Trumps, do indeed tell them that there are way too many elephants in Africa - in order to justify their trade. In reality there are conservation efforts all over Africa trying to protect them from extinction. My mom “adopted” an Elephant on my behalf through one such group and she is beautiful and thriving, thank goodness.
Even if you are participating in a local custom does that make it ok? If the local custom was to sacrifice anyone with their father’s name sake and feed them to the hyenas then I doubt Donald Jr. would be as eager to participate.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Bad Kid
Super Nanny is so fun to watch because 9 times out of 10 the parents call in Nanny Jo to “Fix” their kids, not realizing that the only fixing that needs to be done is the parenting. Red faced and exhausted mom’s and dads are usually shocked and offended to be told that their children are not actually monsters; on the contrary it is entirely the parents’ fault that the children are ACTING like monsters.
Discipline is what she teaches, children need to know their boundaries otherwise they will grow up to be spoiled obnoxious adults after they have spent their childhood annoying everyone within banshee scream radius. I am sure you know what I am talking about; the piercing, nails on a chalk board, blood pressure raising scream children use to be noticed. You know the kind that often blasts out of the face of an ignored child who is not being taught words to use.
Of course those who know me know that by discipline I don’t mean smacking the hell out of a child’s behind in public to prove you are a good parent. On the contrary calling attention to it and screaming back is a good sign of Parenting Fail.
I realize that I don’t have kids and some might accuse me of choosing the wrong subject to get on my high horse about, but this horse needed to be ridden today after the terror that was The Ultimate Bad Kid in our office. This kid was like if Chucky had a baby with Raegan (of The Exorcist fame) and was raised by screech owls in a cave.
Prospective students come in to Brown Mackie College to sit with myself or my coworkers and discuss their interest in college. Sometimes these students bring their children, and some times we giggle and play with the little darlings while their parents sign up for school. That was NOT the case today. Today my coworker had a banshee. A 2.5 year old banshee who by his age should have words and should know what the word “No” means. The one and only time that his mother looked up from the desk after the child terrorized the office for an hour was when finally one of my coworkers (Thanks, Metika) had enough and made the lady keep him in the cubicle. The clueless mom giggled (news flash lady, we DON’T think it’s cute) and held him by the arm. To this he cried, screamed, pulled her hair and fought to escape…what did she do? Well what she didn’t do was discipline him. She coddled him, told him “it is ok” and hugged him.
This is a perfect example of someone who expects society, friends, family, and trapped admissions officers to take care of their children for them. Not once did she apologize, not once did she look up when we were fussing at him about “drop the THUMB TACK’s” and “quit pulling the dirt out of the potted plant.” When asked who would watch the little demon (not his fault but he is a demon none the less) while she was in school, she replied that she had a number of people who are willing to “take my kid.”
Regarding a past employment dismissal I overheard her state “I told him, ‘you don’t have kids so you don’t understand.’” There are so many things wrong with that statement I don’t know where to begin. First of all, what if that person had tried and tried to have kids and you just poured rock salt in the wound of your BOSS? Secondly, just because you “have kids” doesn’t mean that rules at work don’t apply to you. That was your choice to get pregnant (even if it was a mistake you didn’t accidentally have sex) so you have to deal with the consequences and either take responsibility for raising another human or look into adoption. Thirdly, having kids at home doesn’t mean that your free time or personal life is more important than that of those who don’t.
Not only is it concerning that this woman’s child is disturbing an entire office full of people and she doesn’t care; it is pitiful that he was running around through the building with no one watching him. He could be hurt (again on things like THUMB TACKS) or worse. If this child were kidnapped, God forbid, then you can take a good guess who she would blame for that. We are not a day care, society is not a school and strangers should not have to tell your kid “no.” It was like trying to babysit Jack Jack from The Incredibles; I am pretty sure this kid burst into flames a few times.
Finally, if my sweet nephew cries when I watch him then my sister apologizes like fourteen times, even though she doesn’t need to. Wouldn’t you consider apologizing ONCE to an office full of ticked off strangers (who are ON THE PHONE for a living) for the fact that your Tasmanian Devil disrupted an hour and a half of their day? I sure would and then I would rethink my whole life.
Discipline is what she teaches, children need to know their boundaries otherwise they will grow up to be spoiled obnoxious adults after they have spent their childhood annoying everyone within banshee scream radius. I am sure you know what I am talking about; the piercing, nails on a chalk board, blood pressure raising scream children use to be noticed. You know the kind that often blasts out of the face of an ignored child who is not being taught words to use.
Of course those who know me know that by discipline I don’t mean smacking the hell out of a child’s behind in public to prove you are a good parent. On the contrary calling attention to it and screaming back is a good sign of Parenting Fail.
I realize that I don’t have kids and some might accuse me of choosing the wrong subject to get on my high horse about, but this horse needed to be ridden today after the terror that was The Ultimate Bad Kid in our office. This kid was like if Chucky had a baby with Raegan (of The Exorcist fame) and was raised by screech owls in a cave.
Prospective students come in to Brown Mackie College to sit with myself or my coworkers and discuss their interest in college. Sometimes these students bring their children, and some times we giggle and play with the little darlings while their parents sign up for school. That was NOT the case today. Today my coworker had a banshee. A 2.5 year old banshee who by his age should have words and should know what the word “No” means. The one and only time that his mother looked up from the desk after the child terrorized the office for an hour was when finally one of my coworkers (Thanks, Metika) had enough and made the lady keep him in the cubicle. The clueless mom giggled (news flash lady, we DON’T think it’s cute) and held him by the arm. To this he cried, screamed, pulled her hair and fought to escape…what did she do? Well what she didn’t do was discipline him. She coddled him, told him “it is ok” and hugged him.
This is a perfect example of someone who expects society, friends, family, and trapped admissions officers to take care of their children for them. Not once did she apologize, not once did she look up when we were fussing at him about “drop the THUMB TACK’s” and “quit pulling the dirt out of the potted plant.” When asked who would watch the little demon (not his fault but he is a demon none the less) while she was in school, she replied that she had a number of people who are willing to “take my kid.”
Regarding a past employment dismissal I overheard her state “I told him, ‘you don’t have kids so you don’t understand.’” There are so many things wrong with that statement I don’t know where to begin. First of all, what if that person had tried and tried to have kids and you just poured rock salt in the wound of your BOSS? Secondly, just because you “have kids” doesn’t mean that rules at work don’t apply to you. That was your choice to get pregnant (even if it was a mistake you didn’t accidentally have sex) so you have to deal with the consequences and either take responsibility for raising another human or look into adoption. Thirdly, having kids at home doesn’t mean that your free time or personal life is more important than that of those who don’t.
Not only is it concerning that this woman’s child is disturbing an entire office full of people and she doesn’t care; it is pitiful that he was running around through the building with no one watching him. He could be hurt (again on things like THUMB TACKS) or worse. If this child were kidnapped, God forbid, then you can take a good guess who she would blame for that. We are not a day care, society is not a school and strangers should not have to tell your kid “no.” It was like trying to babysit Jack Jack from The Incredibles; I am pretty sure this kid burst into flames a few times.
Finally, if my sweet nephew cries when I watch him then my sister apologizes like fourteen times, even though she doesn’t need to. Wouldn’t you consider apologizing ONCE to an office full of ticked off strangers (who are ON THE PHONE for a living) for the fact that your Tasmanian Devil disrupted an hour and a half of their day? I sure would and then I would rethink my whole life.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Happy Birthday to Me (and Aunt Kathy!)
Happy birthday to us! 3 is my favorite number so surely 33 means something double good. Here is to hoping that the coming year brings my greatest wish. Surely won’t be quite the surprise that my parents received 33 years ago today; but that is a story for another time.
Today even though I am turning 33 and not 30, Tim McGraw’s “My Next Thirty Years” seems to be so fitting. I love the lyrics so that is about all I have to say today. Here goes:
I think I’ll take a moment, celebrate my age
The ending of an era and the turning of a page
Now it’s time to focus in on where I go from here
Lord have mercy on my next thirty years
Hey my next thirty years I’m gonna have some fun
Try to forget about all the crazy things I’ve done
Maybe now I’ve conquered all my adolescent fears
And I’ll do it better in my next thirty years
My next thirty years I’m gonna settle all the scores
Cry a little less, laugh a little more
Find a world of happiness without the hate and fear
Figure out just what I’m doing here In my next thirty years
Oh my next thirty years, I’m gonna watch my weight
Eat a few more salads and not stay up so late
Drink a little lemonade and not so many beers
Maybe I’ll remember my next thirty years
My next thirty years will be the best years of my life
Raise a little family and hang out with my wife
Spend precious moments with the ones that I hold dear
Make up for lost time here, In my next thirty years
Today even though I am turning 33 and not 30, Tim McGraw’s “My Next Thirty Years” seems to be so fitting. I love the lyrics so that is about all I have to say today. Here goes:
I think I’ll take a moment, celebrate my age
The ending of an era and the turning of a page
Now it’s time to focus in on where I go from here
Lord have mercy on my next thirty years
Hey my next thirty years I’m gonna have some fun
Try to forget about all the crazy things I’ve done
Maybe now I’ve conquered all my adolescent fears
And I’ll do it better in my next thirty years
My next thirty years I’m gonna settle all the scores
Cry a little less, laugh a little more
Find a world of happiness without the hate and fear
Figure out just what I’m doing here In my next thirty years
Oh my next thirty years, I’m gonna watch my weight
Eat a few more salads and not stay up so late
Drink a little lemonade and not so many beers
Maybe I’ll remember my next thirty years
My next thirty years will be the best years of my life
Raise a little family and hang out with my wife
Spend precious moments with the ones that I hold dear
Make up for lost time here, In my next thirty years
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Your using the wrong spelling
Your vs. You’re. It’s one of the most common grammar mistakes and, frankly, I just don’t get it!
Just to be clear, the way I have used “your” in the title of this blog is INCORRECT!!
If you intend to say something belongs to someone then you use “your.” For example: Those must be YOUR high heels, I don’t wear them. That annoying ring tone is coming from YOUR cell phone. I loathe YOUR improper use of grammar.
If you could easily substitute “You Are” for the intended “You’re” in the sentence then yes go ahead and use “You’re.” For example: I bet that YOU'RE looking for Grammar mistakes in this blog post. Or: YOU'RE likely to still get this wrong but I am writing about it anyway. See “You’re” is a contraction for “You Are” and they are interchangeable.
They even sound different if you are pronouncing them correctly so I don’t understand all the confusion! Now I am sure I misuse punctuation, I know I over use commas and my grammar is not always perfect; but this really is a simple one. Let’s take it on as an easily correctable society wide problem and fix it!! Stop the madness, YOU’RE driving me insane!!
Just to be clear, the way I have used “your” in the title of this blog is INCORRECT!!
If you intend to say something belongs to someone then you use “your.” For example: Those must be YOUR high heels, I don’t wear them. That annoying ring tone is coming from YOUR cell phone. I loathe YOUR improper use of grammar.
If you could easily substitute “You Are” for the intended “You’re” in the sentence then yes go ahead and use “You’re.” For example: I bet that YOU'RE looking for Grammar mistakes in this blog post. Or: YOU'RE likely to still get this wrong but I am writing about it anyway. See “You’re” is a contraction for “You Are” and they are interchangeable.
They even sound different if you are pronouncing them correctly so I don’t understand all the confusion! Now I am sure I misuse punctuation, I know I over use commas and my grammar is not always perfect; but this really is a simple one. Let’s take it on as an easily correctable society wide problem and fix it!! Stop the madness, YOU’RE driving me insane!!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Letter to Madonna
Dear Madonna,
You really need to stop talking smack about Lady Gaga. Especially smack like “She has borrowed a lot of her career from me.” If you believe that to be true then you probably have a lot of cross over fans (like me) that would prefer to like you both independently. Comments like yours only force me to put bad marks in your bucket of likeability and skew my fandom towards Gaga.
Gaga is newer, younger and hotter at this time. You need to recognize what you were (awesome performer who writes her own kick ass songs and was consistently spewing out hits for over 20 years) and what you are now (more of an icon.) That doesn’t make you any less awesome; that is until you start bashing other awesome performers who write their own kick ass songs and consistently spew out hits. Those are the similarities between your careers. If Gaga is borrowing that from you, then you borrowed it from Elton John.
Much Love,
One of your loyal fans
P.S. If the accent you have acquired is a result of living immersed among the British and is not, as some would suggest, intentionally spoken to make you sound smarter; I have had your back on that. I myself picked up quite the Kentucky twang when I was attending UK. However, I would make a point to stop it…just stop it. Mmkay?
You really need to stop talking smack about Lady Gaga. Especially smack like “She has borrowed a lot of her career from me.” If you believe that to be true then you probably have a lot of cross over fans (like me) that would prefer to like you both independently. Comments like yours only force me to put bad marks in your bucket of likeability and skew my fandom towards Gaga.
Gaga is newer, younger and hotter at this time. You need to recognize what you were (awesome performer who writes her own kick ass songs and was consistently spewing out hits for over 20 years) and what you are now (more of an icon.) That doesn’t make you any less awesome; that is until you start bashing other awesome performers who write their own kick ass songs and consistently spew out hits. Those are the similarities between your careers. If Gaga is borrowing that from you, then you borrowed it from Elton John.
Much Love,
One of your loyal fans
P.S. If the accent you have acquired is a result of living immersed among the British and is not, as some would suggest, intentionally spoken to make you sound smarter; I have had your back on that. I myself picked up quite the Kentucky twang when I was attending UK. However, I would make a point to stop it…just stop it. Mmkay?
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