Back To November

Back To November

I am sure I am not the only one who was looking forward to one more month of reveling in the glory of Barack and Michelle Obama’s beautiful presence in the White House.  But unfortunately The Donald has already infiltrated the presidency and is prematurely ruining ALL THE THINGS, so we had no such glorious final month.  I wish we could go Back To November (like Taylor Swift’s song “Back To December”, shout out, LOVE that song) and make it alright. Change something, do SOMETHING to make the outcome different.  But alas, here we are and here we will stay for at least four years.  

Reading the news about The Donald's "presidential" choices reminds me of group projects in college when we had to hand everything over to the lousy member of the team for a week.  And that person gets to do the presentations and just generally ruin all the work everyone else has done but there is literally nothing you can do but watch them get an F for the whole group.  That is where America is right now.  We get to watch this ignorant egomaniac present America's worst experiment to the world, screw it up, give up, toss it in the trash and go back to his other projects. 

If we could go Back To November, what would you do?  Maybe if we had created small town outreach programs like they do with AIDS education for tribal communities in Africa.  We could have told The Donald's fans how Hitler came to power through hatred of minority groups.  We could show them pictures of what people look like in diverse places such as New York City and ask them if New York appears to be struggling due to all of that diversity.  I mean, I love small towns and I love a lot of white working class people who apparently feel marginalized.  But the fear of immigrants and Muslims that The Donald is selling is not going to make their lives better or America greater. 

We have always been a nation of immigrants.  Around 1830, German immigrants settled in Cincinnati and the neighborhood of Over The Rhine.  The people there had their own newspapers, churches and German cultural centers so that they could maintain a part of their heritage while becoming Americans.   However other residents in Cincinnati were threatened by them, blaming them for any problems that they could.  Immigrants were supposedly taking all the jobs. And since they didn’t speak English fluently they weren’t “becoming American” fast enough for massive groups of “nativists” who tried to literally invade and attack Over The Rhine.  Because of prejudice, minority communities tend to create their own safe spaces and their own cultural identity.  These communities are not dangerous just because they don’t celebrate Holidays the same way you do, or because they speak differently.  They aren’t scary because they have a different skin color or socialize in a way that is unusual to you.  And they definitely aren't taking anything away from us.  Lazy, unimaginative people don’t up and leave their home country for the unknown America ahead of them.  Strong and courageous people do that. Ambitious immigrants are our past, present and future; they are one of the many things that make America great.

What if we could go Back To November and let people know that all those lost manufacturing jobs are NOT COMING BACK to the U.S.?  They just aren’t. And that is ok.  Our economy is strong right now and while the jobs might not be the same as they always were, that is also ok.  IT jobs are booming and all they require is a little training.  Citibank (where I work, please see me if you want a job here, they are offering referral bonuses up to $3000 per person!!) is begging people to come apply.  Seriously begging, there are signs on the highway and everything.  Immigrants haven’t stolen any manufacturing jobs, the jobs have moved overseas, and the only thing that brings them back is giving the companies millions of dollars.  Things change, jobs change, America changes….but it is already great.  

So if you could go Back To November, what would you do?  Maybe instead we should look to what we can do now. Perhaps that group project can be reclaimed from the lousy team member before it is too late. We can continue to fight for justice and against prejudice and never lose sight of the America that Martin Luther King dreamed about.  Instead of back, Let’s "keep moving forward." (We can thank Walt Disney for that much better quote than The Donald's not so great one.)

Black Lives DO Matter

Another day, another divisive issue.  But why do we insist on remaining divided?  When will we start having conversations with people who are different from us so that we can better understand their perspectives?  When will we agree that we can (and most people already do) care about black lives AND care about police lives AND all loves.

If you have black friends that you actually talk to, you will find that many grew up learning to fear police.  Their experiences with law enforcement are different than those of a white person.  How do I know?  I asked them.  I wish we could do more asking and less assuming.  If you think these many violent stories are exaggerated and that racism is all but gone then I challenge you to ASK a black person how they feel about that.

Also ask a woman you love if she has ever felt harassed or assaulted.  Ask an immigrant how they feel about immigration policies and what that process was like for them.  Ask a gay person if they have ever felt uncomfortable showing affection in public or been called names.  Ask a Police Officer about the biggest challenges they face on the job.  

I have heard many make the argument that coverage of police violence towards black people is being pushed to the forefront right now making it seem worse than it is.  And to that I would say “Finally!”  For years these stories have been absent from our media helping white people pretend that the stories don’t exist.  When a black child is shot in a "ghetto" no one hears about it; but a white child shot in the suburbs?  Front page story.  However, because of some higher profile cases this conversation has come to a boiling point so the media is finally shedding some light on the situation.  Our country has created a situation where many black people feel that their lives don’t matter.  That is why “All Lives Matter” is not an answer nor should it even be a thing.  We need to address as a nation why many black citizens feel that their country doesn’t care whether they live or die. 

Some minorities are protesting by kneeling during the National Anthem. Instead of worrying why they felt the need to do so we see outrage. But friends, by your outrageous reaction and attention you are giving that protester what they want. But not what our country needs. We need discussion. 

I do not want to hear anything about what the victims of police violence did or didn’t do to provoke the situation. There can be no “buts” when it comes to someone being killed when they should not have.  There are no “howevers” or excuses.  We need only to be disgusted and then ask ourselves how we can be better as a country.  How do we fix this?  It won’t be easy, but it has to start somewhere.  United we stand, divided we fall.  So let us stop being so divided and start listening to each other.  We must realize that not everyone in this country makes their opinions and decisions based on the same experiences.  So I say to my fellow Americans: tell me your stories, I will listen.

RIP, Harambe

 You know what they say about opinions being like ass holes, everyone has one?  Well if you know me then you figure I have numerous opinions about the Gorilla that was killed at the Cincinnati Zoo a few days ago. But I don’t have numerous ass h…that's a horrible joke.  I love animals, and I love the zoo but I have reservations about animals being confined in small spaces their entire lives.  I like to hope that the positive outweighs the tragic.  I love the zoo’s conservation efforts and the fact that they are so “green.”  They even have adorable messages about keeping sewage "green" in the bathrooms!  Children can be up close with animals at zoos and have the opportunity to ask questions and learn about different species.  Perhaps they can understand from these experiences that animals are not just meat on a plate that came from the grocery.  However zoos don’t give an animal the opportunity to live the way nature intends; and while animals are free from predators in zoos they are often also bored, nervous and confused.  It breaks my heart that as humans we place an animal in an enclosure, then shoot and kill it because a human went into the enclosure we trapped it in. 

 This gorilla issue (like so many in today's hyper socialized world) has become polarizing.  One side vehemently defends the child’s parents arguing that children do crazy things and we can’t prevent all accidents.  This group also argues that human life is more important than any other lives so killing the gorilla was an easy choice.  The extreme other side seems to be arguing that the child should have been watched and that the mother should be held criminally liable for the gorilla’s death.  I fall somewhere in between.  All of the personal attacks against the mother combined with the horror of having to watch your child in a life threatening situation is more punishment than this family should have to endure.  But I don’t empathize with them either. 

 I was at the Cincinnati Zoo on Thursday with my niece (2 yrs) and nephew (5yrs.)  We spent a good amount of time in the Gorilla exhibit because Jack likes to observe their behavior (since it is so much like ours) and ask questions.  He giggled as the “daddy” gorilla took a stick away from one of the babies who was hitting another with it.  And during that whole time in the exhibit there was an adult hand or close eyes on both children at all times.  Why?  Because there is a fence in front of a huge moat that any child, given the time, ability and curiosity, could crawl into.  In my backyard, kids are free to run, in the park, they don’t have to hold my hand and in the zoo walkways, they can skip along as they like.  Could an accident happen in those places? Absolutely.  But in situations where there is a more likely and obvious threat, hands on.  

 Some kids are more mischievous than others, some more curious or hyper and some are simply clumsy.  As parents, aunts, caregivers, grandparents, etc, we know these traits in our kids and we adjust our care accordingly.  Accidents happen, but could this particular accident have been prevented?  Those who are angered by the outcome here feel it probably could have. It was suggested by someone claiming to be an eye witness that the child simply “flopped” over the railing.  There would be no way to flop.  There is a set of railings they would have to climb on top of first, and then they would have to fall down onto the grass area, cross through a fence and then jump into the moat.  A child can run off in a split second, but they simply could not have accomplished all of that in the time it takes to glance away.  

No one intended for this to happen, no one wanted to make that decision to kill a beautiful gorilla, no one wanted to shoot him, no one wanted to take their kid to the hospital after a terrifying experience
and no one should have to “pay.”  But how many times have you witnessed parents who are simply letting society parent for them?  How many times do you see entitled people at the zoo, amusement parks, restaurants and movie theaters who are busy doing anything but holding themselves responsible for their kid’s actions.  I think a lot of people (although unfair) are heaping their frustration over widespread entitlement on this kid’s mom.  Nearly every time I am at the zoo I see a kid banging on the glass enclosures, yelling at the animals, hitting the goats in the petting zoo, pushing kids on the playground, throwing food at the penguins, etc.  Why aren’t these obviously inappropriate behaviors being corrected?  People’s belief that their kids/time/family/weekend/money/zoo-visit is more important than other’s is one of my biggest pet peeves.  Your kid is special yes, but they still have to be taught to follow the rules lest they grow up to be the person who parks in the fire lane at the grocery store.  

 I understand that every situation and every child is different.  I understand that I don’t have children but I still have a right to my opinions about them.  If anything I should be analyzing my experiences and observations of parents around me (good and bad) so that I am better prepared for parenthood when I am finally given that gift. I will never be able to guarantee that my child won’t accidentally end up somewhere they shouldn’t be, no one can.  But we should be doing everything we can to teach our children to be respectful and to set an example of respect for each other, our planet and the
animals who share it with us.  

Guns In Schools

 Ahhh, guns.  One of the most hotly debated topics in Murica.  I am just going to throw this out there – I HATE GUNS.  I hate them, I hate the loud noise they make, I hate the thought of killing anyone or anything with them, I hate the way they look and the fact that the NRA has so much power over our legislature that we can’t get basic background check laws passed even though majority of our country supports them (because the NRA represents gun manufacturers, not gun owners.)  HOWEVER, I respect and love many people in my life who do like guns.  Some of my friends hunt with them.  Some family members feel safer because they have them.  And a few I know are just stocking up ammunition for the zombie apocalypse.  Everyone is different.  But what I wanted to address today is the possibility of arming teachers in schools to protect against violence.  

 I have a sister, cousins, aunts and friends who are teachers. They work hard, they care about their students and they decided to be teachers for a beautiful variety of reasons.  But none of those reasons has anything to do with wanting to protect the students in their classrooms from violence or terrorism.  People join the army to do that.  They enlist in the Marines or join the Police Force if they want to serve and protect.  Someone who feels called to protect the citizens of the United States rarely feels called to teach fifth grade math at the same time.  Kindergarten Cop is not a real thing.  Is that what proponents of guns in classrooms are picturing?  Arnold Schwarzenegger types running through the hallways of the school with a 5 year old in one arm and a machine gun in the other, blasting all the bad guys in a storm of glory?  

 My sister shouldn’t have to go through SWAT training to teach children how to read. She shouldn’t have to worry that she did the wrong thing in a crisis or that she might accidentally shoot a student in the process of trying to defend the classroom.  “Defense of Classroom” is not a class she took in college when she was taking all the required courses to get her Master’s Degree in Education.  She should have the choice to hide behind the desk with the children during a dangerous situation because she has not taken an oath to protect anyone.   If you arm her, you are telling her that you expect her to be a hero.  How many teachers will we have left when they are expected to be both police and teacher in one? 

Stages of Poison Ivy

Stages of poison ivy:

1. Gardening - fun!

2. What's this on my arm, looks like a bug bite or possibly a bit of poison ivy. Either way, no big deal.

3. Hmm, that seems to be definitely a bit of poison ivy because it has spread, that's unfortunate.

4. Good god why is this still spreading?! Seems like it should have chilled out by now, maybe if I pour rubbing alcohol and hydrogen peroxide on it that could stop the madness.

5. I seem to have angered it, there is no stopping it, the poison ivy rash needs to be left alone to destroy my skin, I have no defense.

6. Day 38 of my pain, Something brushed against my skin today and I had to scream to the heavens "please deliver relief!!!" 

Months and months later: gardening - Fun!

Bathroom Blog

It has been a while, but it’s time to bust out my angry typing fingers because I just can’t understand these anti LGBT bathroom laws that are popping up in the south.  Cristy and I were driving home from Florida a couple of weeks ago and stopped in Tennessee to spend the night.  The next morning the women’s bathroom in the lobby was being cleaned (hopefully scrubbing it of that hideous UT orange) so the nice lady in the lobby told me I could just "use the Men’s."  And you know I thought to myself, “Can I be arrested for that in Tennessee?” 

                Transgender people have been using the bathroom of their identified gender for decades.  So how many stories have you heard like “Americans shocked by humans in bathroom appearing to be their same gender later emerging from stalls with fangs, claws and malicious intents!!”  If you are like me you haven’t heard any such stories.  These fears are created by lawmakers intending to hurt the trans community or rally angry supporters.  Nothing is stopping a predator from sneaking into a bathroom at any time.  But since there are also other people in bathrooms my guess is predators avoid bathrooms as potential attack points.  Hey you men who are purporting to “protect your women and children” with these concerns: we seem to be protecting ourselves in the potty just fine.  We aren’t being raped or peeped in our bathrooms, and if we are being peeped it is probably by straight men through holes from the men’s room. 

                Cristy is mistaken for a man occasionally in the women’s restroom so as a couple we have taken measures to minimize her embarrassment.  We go in together, we talk while we walk in so women can hear her voice and after peeing she bolts out using hand sanitizer to avoid washing her hands next to a lady who could give her a dirty look.  And no, she can’t just ‘dress like a girl’ to make it easier on herself.  That would be like asking someone to wear an uncomfortable Halloween costume every day of their life.  This is already hard enough.  Imagine a world in which bathroom vigilantes police the stalls and try to sniff out offenders!  Imagine George Zimmerman types who sit in bathrooms waiting for people who they suspect to be trans and what…asking to see their genitals?  It will be all "Mam can I see your vagina" or “why are you sitting down if you only have to pee, SIR??”  North Carolina’s new sign on men’s bathrooms would be “If you are sitting, then you better be shitting!”  I don’t care what in the world people are doing in the bathroom stalls next to me because it is none of my damn business. 

                In regards to the “religious freedom” bills that protect an individual’s right to discriminate due to “strongly held religious beliefs,” I am really not that concerned.  The court of public opinion will address the majority of those businesses.  I would rather know up front that a bakery doesn’t want my money just because I am gay.  You can take that ugly cake you don’t want me to have and shove it.  I would rather you tell me “no” than spit in my dessert.  But just wait until someone claims that they won’t bake a Christian wedding cake because the Flying Spaghetti Monster demands it be so.  I guarantee there will be outrage across the land!  My biggest concern is that my rights as a citizen as determined by the Supreme Court are not denied due to these “freedoms” that homophobes like to hide behind.  I will not tolerate my future marriage being compromised by Kim Davis or any of her friends.

                So go ahead and try to pass your laws helping people fear the LGBT community, and see how your state fairs without the NBA, Disney, Yelp, the NFL, Pepsi, GE, concerts, commerce, tourism, etc.  In the mean time consider why you care who uses the bathroom near you and instead just play on your phone in the stall like everyone else.

               

The Trump Blog I Shouldn’t Have Had To Write

I have heard politicians, news channels and exaggerators compare different public figures to Hitler SO MANY TIMES that it has become a disgusting cliché.  However in my opinion there is finally a person in the U.S. somewhat worthy of that horrendous comparison.  Donald Trump is a ridiculous, cartoon of a human who is using an angry and frustrated group of people to create fear and blame.  Hate leads to the dark side, as they say, and the dark side type person might (for example) suggest a registry of certain religious groups.

                Let’s get this straight; Donald Trump will never win the presidential election.  He has made a joke of our political system and would obviously damage our national reputation.  In one way and one way only do I appreciate him:  maybe the problems with our two party political system are now more visible so we can attempt to remedy them.  However his damage is corrosive.  Donald has given a voice to grumbly white people who feel they have been forced into the super straight closet.  Angry, homophobic, racist, anti-feminist, xenophobic bigots who were exposed as ridiculous are finding their renewed voice in Trump’s rhetoric.  However what they don’t realize is that their own beloved candidate is using them.  When your candidate states that he could quite literally go into the streets and commit unprovoked homicide and then his supporters would still love him…that is NOT a compliment.  He is blatantly saying that you are so blindly enthralled with his crazy you don’t care what level of horrible he achieves.  He is Suzanne Stone in “To Die For” and you are the naïve teenagers that killed his husband because you love his crazy.  If you haven’t seen that movie then stop reading this and go watch that…we can talk later.

                Illegal immigration isn’t affecting your job prospects, no one has taken your guns, gay marriage hasn’t changed your straight marriage and Obama hasn’t hurt your feelings however badly you might think he has.  Unfortunately for bigots though, your hypocrisy has in fact been exposed as of late.  However instead of attempting to vote another Hitler into office, maybe you could take a step back, take responsibility for your life, remember repeating history can be bad and recognize that prejudice never wins in the end. 

For comparison sake: Jesus had good hair and no money.  So The Donald isn’t your savior, he is the opposite…

Halloween Time

It’s a bag of candy filled with bubble gum that smells like cocoa and mini chocolate bars that taste a little like bubble gum. It’s pumpkin seeds that may have been cooked too long but you eat them anyway because no one really knows the exact recipe. It’s admiring Cristy’s mad pumpkin carving skills. It’s candy corn for those of us who love candy corn (more for me if you don’t.) It’s the smell of crunchy leaves and the last lawn clippings of the year. It’s planning on buying articles of clothing for this year’s costume that would never be part of your normal wardrobe. It’s memories of Halloween parades and candy trades with old Anchorage School friends. It’s admiring my friends and family’s costume creativity. It’s scary movie marathons with my favorite girl. It’s decorations that remind me of Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party, which remind me of the Haunted Mansion, the Headless Horseman, and Trick or Treating in the Magic Kingdom. It’s realizing that I am old enough to Trick or Treat again with nieces and nephews and also that I am past the point of pretending that drunken adult Halloween parties could possibly replace the joy of collecting candy from strangers for hours on end. It’s sweatshirts for football and warm drinks that smell like cinnamon. It’s my favorite time of the year.

Stolen Chickens

Like so many of us kids in my generation (hahaha, let’s pretend we are still the “kids,” right?) I am concerned about the poisonous chemicals in our food and the torturous way our animal (turned meat or eggs)  food is raised.  It is a simple concept, chemicals and tortured animals are bad for our bodies, our planet and our souls.  So a year or so ago when my Brother in Law and his family invested in a flock of chickens for their yard, it made me think.  Initially I thought: “Birds must be a pest.” Because have you seen the movie ‘The Birds?!’  Birds must be gross, they must make noise, they must peck at stuff like my eyes and most importantly…my dogs love to eat chicken.   However, after further inspection, his chickens were none of those things AND his dogs didn’t eat them up.  In fact, those chickens were fascinating. 

Chickens will let small children pick them up!  They will come flying across the yard when you call them for treats like some kind of tiny, clumsy, velociraptor! They make for a wonderful teaching tool for children who have no idea that the chicken they eat is a real animal they can pet!  Hens make eggs and lay them with no need for a rooster which is totally hip because it’s pretty gay!  What a lesson.

We were hooked and our hens Lillian and Peanut were so easy to adopt and care for that we immediately wondered why we hadn’t always had chickens.  Feed, water, safe coop and free range space is about all they need.  Hens make little noise and they eat much of your veggie/fruit food scrap that would have ended up in the trash (ex. melon rinds, wilted lettuce, shriveled tomatoes, peas, banana ends, zucchini seeds and those tiny pieces of corn that you just can’t get off of the cob.)

We thought we researched but apparently we did not find the right spot in our city ordinance which states that chickens and other “agricultural animals” are not allowed since they “spread disease” and most folks in Dayton, Ky live in homes with small yards.  So after about a year one of our “neighbors” decided our hens were cluck cluck clucking too loud, or were too feathery, or were actual real velociraptors, or were too lesbian, or whatever.  But someone called the cops on my chickens.  We will call him Ass Hole Neighbor.

Our Animal Control officer was very nice and gave us a week to move them (since if it had been a pit bull breed-like dog she would have to remove it to a shelter immediately.)  And don’t even get me started on the ridiculous habit of assigning death sentences to dogs because they have a certain “look” to them.

I came home tonight and went to sit outside with my girls for one of our last visits. While entertaining them and crying about it all, I noticed Ass Hole Neighbor in his yard watering his Venus fly traps and feeding his man-eating poison ivy garden.  He heard my sobs and literally threw the hose down and ran inside like “oh lord, I didn’t know the lesbians had feelings!”

I have a lot on my plate right now and can’t fight it just yet, so our pretty chickens are going to live with a friend who lives close by.  I can go and visit our girls, bring them their favorite treats (cherry tomatoes, grapes and meal worms,) and my nephew can continue to gather dried bugs for them at his home like he likes to do.  After a big project is in the bag my next major project is tackling local city ordinance bans on chickens.  These bans are worthless, silly and they push away young (ok youngish, in my case) families who want to raise as much of their own food as possible.  We don’t want our eggs coming from chickens who are packed in tiny cages with no ability to move, peck, flap their wings, dig for bugs, or really do ANY thing that is natural for a chicken.  We want to eat responsible food and not pay $6 per dozen eggs to do it.  New York City residents can have chickens. Homes don't get any more close than New York so Dayton residents can deal with some cluck, clucking.

Disclaimer: My mom is afraid that Ass Hole Neighbor will read my posts, figure out I am talking about him, and then attack or somehow shoot myself and/or Cristy.  So if you are reading this, then you are definitely NOT “Ass Hole Neighbor.”

Caitlyn

So I found out today that Caitlyn Jenner is receiving an ESPY award.  I didn’t find out through CNN or by talking to my LGBT friends about Caitlyn’s beautiful transformation which is the latest chapter in advancements for LGBT Americans.  Nope, I found out through social media, unfortunately.  Unfortunately I had to read a hundred anti-trans comments made by friends and friends of friends because they are upset that Caitlyn won the award over others.  Most notably they are upset about the perceived snub by ESPN to the sweet Lauren Hill, a local hero after her brave battle with cancer.  I wish that Caitlyn hadn’t won the award.  Not because I think that she didn’t deserve it.  It isn’t my call.  I don’t know why ESPN chose Caitlyn.  I would like to think it is because her story has been a catalyst for the gargantuan advancement in understanding of the struggles of transgender people.  I would like to think that the award recognizes that people like Caitlyn provide hope for thousands of transgender children and teens across the country that all too often gravitate towards suicide or life-long seclusion from loved ones rather than becoming their true selves.  Perhaps they chose her as someone who represents that our heroes, whether they be athletes, actors, soldiers or government leaders have their own lives and their own struggles.  Because to people in my parent’s generation Bruce Jenner was an Olympic hero who earned an amazing athletic achievement for the US Olympic Team.  Unfortunately they probably chose her because it will mean higher ratings for the ESPY awards.  But for whatever reason they picked her, I wish they hadn’t because it has opened Caitlyn’s story up to additional criticism, jokes, anger, and horribly sad transphobia.  People who were teetering on the edge of hate now have a reason to spew it all over the internet.  

I am certainly not saying that my friends/people who think Lauren should have won the award over Caitlyn are hateful or transphobic at all, but that many who feel that way have become hateful to try to make their point.

There has been additional talk and dozens of memes posted to the effect of “Caitlyn is not a hero, our brave men and women serving in the military are heroes.”  This makes no sense, there are many varieties of heroes and mine might be different from yours.  While one could argue that US soldiers would fall on everyone’s list, Caitlyn IS on some people’s lists.  For example, the Leelah Alcorn’s of the world, who are desperately seeking some hope for their future.  Caitlyn would have been a hero to her because Caitlyn’s presence and visibility might have saved her life.  Are we only allowed to reserve the terms “brave” and “hero” for those who are in the military?  That would be like if a church was recognizing a member of its congregation for exceptional Christian community service but people stood up in the pews and were like “boo, she doesn’t deserve it, she’s not a NUN!!!”  Lauren Hill has been a hero to dozens of children and families who are facing the horrible battle with childhood cancer.  She didn’t put on camouflage and stare down the enemy, but she is brave, just the same.  Again, it isn’t my place to decide who won this award, but I understand why she is a hero to so many!

While you might not personally know someone who is Transgender, if you are reading this then you know at least one gay person, and gay Americans deal with many of the same rejections and fears as Transgender people do so we sometimes share the same heroes.  Remember that your experiences and opinions are your own and everyone’s are different.   The more we understand that, the more our world is able to become a better place for everyone.  

Credit Card Exam

As you may or may not know, I work in a specialist unit in the Call Center for a bank in the Northern Kentucky area.  My coworkers and I frequently lament the credit application process.  I do understand the business needs of checking things like FICO scores, fraud notifications and credit bureau information matches.  However if we had our way we would like to add our own “test” to the process.  It would look something like this:

1.)    Sally neglected to read the Terms and Conditions when she bought “Bohemian Butt Lift Cream and Gel Kit.” Since she did not read them, Sally does not have to abide by the Terms and Conditions.

True or False?

2.)    Joe participates in a transaction with “Junk In The Trunk” auto repair shop.  Joe provides his credit card number to "Junk In The Trunk" for this transaction.  Who is responsible for the fact that the charge then appears on Joe’s credit card statement? 

a.       Joe

b.      Joe’s Credit Card Company

c.       The call center customer service representative (let’s call her “Ann” ) at Joe’s credit card company.

3.)    Francis’ due date on her credit card is 9/15/14.  What is the very last date that Francis can pay her minimum due on that credit card without receiving a late fee?

a.       9/13/14

b.      9/15/14

c.       It doesn’t matter because Francis has been with the bank/store for 135 years

d.      9/16/14

e.      Whenever Francis remembers to pay

4.)    5+5=

a.       5

b.      10

c.       0

d.      It doesn’t matter, I’m not paying this bill, I am calling MY LAWYER!!

5.)    Horace sees a Free Trial offer on his TV and or Internet.  This offer is truly free and he doesn’t need to cancel it or return it within a certain time frame in order to avoid further charges.  SO MANY THINGS ARE FREE!!!!

True or False?

6.)    Being a belligerent screaming ass hole gets you further than being patient and understanding.

True or False?

7.)    Jack Sparrow buys a boat online and pays for it with his credit card rather than with cash.  That boat is going to be delivered to his dock within 45 days.  The charge should appear on his credit card statement:

a.       The day Jack’s boat docks in 45 days 

b.      The day Jack first purchases the boat (like if he had paid cash, see?)

c.       The day Jack first sails the boat

d.      The day Jack first drinks rum on his boat, provided it is a sunny day

8.)    Ralphie has a charge on his card that he doesn’t think is his.  The merchant is in his home town, it is at a merchant he usually shops with and it transacted on a day he was visiting that store.  However, Ralphie doesn’t ever use THIS credit card at THAT store and he states there is no way he would make a mistake and use the wrong card.  Ralphie did not make that charge.

True or False?

 

 

 

 

Sammy Cat

It’s strange how the loss of one pet out of three creates such a startling difference and sense of emptiness in a house.  I am familiar with grief and I know that for me it comes in waves of memories which trigger quick smiles, followed by regret and pain.  So I am so NOT looking forward to waking up in the morning and having to remember that Sammy isn’t here.  One of the worst parts of grief is the illusion of contentment that sleep provides.  But tonight I realized there is an actual task that has been keeping me from sleep: I found myself desperate to remember everything about Sammy so that I didn’t forget.  As usual, writing about it allowed me some small release. So, here are some things that I want to remember about my friend:

1.      When Sammy slept on my back (which was most nights) and I needed to roll over, I would move a tiny bit to warn her.  Then she would stand, and I would slowly roll while she barrel walked until I repositioned. Then she would settle back in.

2.      She didn’t like to drink out of a cup if it was too deep, so she would dip her paw into the cup and lick, and then repeat.  “Dip and lick.” A move similar to the “bend and snap.”

3.      She would sit on my lap and purr and purr but then suddenly bite my elbow for no reason.

4.      If you walked in a room and she thought you might not see her, she would go “pprraww!”  Which translates to “I’m here, see me!”

5.      She liked to bite plastic, usually a zip lock bag or the shower curtain.  She didn’t eat it, but she would just puncture a gazillion holes in it with her teeth.

6.      If you were holding her or if she was sleeping on your chest, she would like to put her paw over your mouth.  I think this was some kind of ownership/dominance ritual.

7.      We would “scoop” her, and she would tolerate it only for a short period of time, but you never know how long.  She would start going “mah” when she was over it.

8.      Sometimes she would like for me to hold her paw, like we were holding hands, and it made her purr.

9.      Sammy tolerated her way through many of my breakups, but she seemed to echo my  own feelings when she adopted Cristy as her official second human.   Over anyone else, Sammy, like me, felt Cristy was a permanent match.

I have two crushing regrets [despite my beloved RENT telling me "forget regret"] in my mind. One is that I didn't fully appreciate that petting a demanding Sammy was more important than playing games on my phone.  And secondly that I didn't set aside my own selfishness and go back to the room with Sammy during her last moments.  I wish I had been more brave so that I could have given her some final comfort, but I did not want to remember her that way.  Cherish your loved ones, pets, family, children and anyone or anything that makes you happy.  Everything in our lives is ever changing and nothing is guaranteed.  But I am comforted knowing that I am happy Sammy was a part of my life; I would rather have known her and lost her, than never known her at all.   

Idina and Jack

The reason I have no one to blame but myself that I didn’t meet Idina Menzel:

A few years ago my mother came to Cincinnati to distract herself from the fact that my sister might never ever go into labor with my mother’s first grandchild.  The best possible distraction was of course Idina singing with the Cincinnati Pops at the Cincinnati Music Hall.  I knew there were tickets left and I also knew I didn’t want to go alone so Mom drove on up and agreed to let me attempt to get those tickets.  And I’ll be damned if we didn’t get some awesome seats on the edge of the theater where I was in full waving view.  By which I mean I waved at that woman and shot “look at me, I love you” power stares at her throughout the entire concert. 

We were about ¾ of the way into the concert but only ¼ of the way into Idina’s amazing performance of all the best songs that ever were, when we received the text that Meg was in labor with sweet Jack.  Now, I expected Mom to up and bail and maybe even leave me there to brave the Cincinnati Taxi Cabs alone.  However, to my surprise when I asked her if we were leaving, like a kid asking if they have to leave McDonalds Playground, she said, “no, we will stay.”

What?! I could remain in my amazing seat and I could listen to Idina’s voice and look at her for the rest of the concert!  It was beautiful and epic, and to make you feel better about this story we didn’t miss any of the birth and in fact had to wait about 12 hours for any birthing.

So, the self hating “I could have had it” moment happened right after the concert.  We fast walked to our car and then drove mom’s Prius in a circle around the Music Hall following the one way streets. Concurrently we both noticed a crowd of about 25 people waiting at the stage door behind the building. They were waiting for Idina.  Mom looked at them as we sat at the stop light, and I could see the conflict in her eyes.  She asked “there is probably time, do you want to go meet her?”  This was an easy decision, Mom wanted to go to that baby, and I wanted to go to my sister and my nephew.  I looked at her and said: “It’s ok, Mom, let’s go.  And we did.  We were there early and slept in the waiting room and didn’t have to worry we might miss it.

I will never actually regret that decision, because I was with my family in an important moment.  To quote Rent:

"Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. No other road, no other way, no day but today."

 

My Agenda

The latest in poor innocent TV stars who have lost their jobs or been reprimanded for anti-gay speech is the HGTV Benham brother duo.  My favorite part of their story is that they seem to have finally realized and publicized that they don't have a "Free Speech" argument to win, however they have taken off and run with the "Gay Agenda" one.  That phrase, "agenda," gets tossed around like its a "regime" or "cult" kind of word.  However I feel perfectly comfortable if someone says I have an "agenda."  Yes, it is on my agenda to ensure my family is not discriminated against.  It is a dream of mine that one day people won't choose a single passage out of a centuries old book and use it to say that I am somehow immoral.  My "agenda" is just that, mine.  Everyone has an agenda.  And everyone has a right to their opinion.   But as the common agenda of anti-homophobia becomes a powerful force in this country, and since our country is a capitalist one, companies are naturally going to attempt to appeal to the majority.  I am sorry that "religious" anti-gay Americans now find themselves in the minority and feel sad about it, but a corner has been turned.  Martin Luther King had an "agenda," and while still not fully realized it was powerful and beautiful. 2 years ago Cristy and I discussed that we would probably not see same-sex marriage in our state until we were very old.  Today it is just around the corner!  No one is entitled to a TV show, just as if I were to walk around my office calling people immoral or sinful I would not be entitled to my job any longer.  So, I say, go make yourself an agenda!  And I hope it doesn't include "judging people even though my religion specifically tells me not to do that."

Gay Movie

If I could pick one gay movie (and by "gay movie" I mean a movie that no straight person would see without a gay friend to force them) that everyone should see, it is If These Walls Could Talk 2.  I have seen it probably 95 times (and by 95 times I mean 95 hundred times.)

Let me preface this choice by stating that this is definitely an R rated movie.  Kids are not invited to this party and anyone who is not comfortable with, um shall I say bedroom scenes, should not be invited, either. 

However, ITWCT2 is an amazing glimpse into lesbian culture and issues.  There are three different stories, the first of which features Vanessa Redgrave!!! as an older lady in a long term relationship living in the 60's.  Heartbreaking and frustrating, it shows some issues that gay women might have faced in that time period.  But it also encourages the viewer to think back on this couple's life and struggles together.  The second story highlights the issues that gender rules and feminism played for lesbians in the 1970's.  Featuring Michelle Williams! and Chole Sevigny! the segment reminds us that many women found themselves at odds with their feminist notions and their own attractions.  Because culture for lesbians was new, rules were confusing and structure rejected.  The third and final story shows a 90's lesbian couple, played by Ellen DeGeneres!! and Sharon Stone!! who are attempting to start a family. It brings to light the questions, pain, confusion, stress and hope that lesbian couples face when trying to address their motherly instincts. 

The movie, while provocative and emotional, is one of my favorite movies of all time, and every single time I see it, I wish that at least a few more straight people would be aware of the messages it contains.  If anything you can convince your husband to watch Sharon Stone having some lady sex, right? 

Disclaimer: if you would like to continue in your delusion that Ellen is a sexless, adorable, super lesbian, then I would skip a certain part in the third episode. 

Crazy Eyes

Allow me to preface this blog by stating that when I am mad about something I blog.  I hope this doesn't cause my readers to think that I am an angry person, because generally, I am not.  In fact I have been accused of being "too nice," "too sweet," or even "too happy" at times.  However, writing out my feelings helps me to get over certain things.  Once I write out what I would like to say about the situation I find that it no longer plagues my thoughts.  Sometimes when I have issues with people in my life, I will write out my points in an essay complete with examples and arguments but then 9 times out of 10 delete it and never send it to them.  It simply helps to get it out of my brain and onto paper.  It works, try it!

So today I was driving to work and encountered a crazy person I thought warranted a blog.  I held my phone in my hand, unlocked it with my code, found mom's name in my "Favorites" list, and called her.  Suddenly I heard repetitive honking so I looked in my rear view mirror and spotted some freak trying to signal to me that I was a DWT (Driving While Texting) offender.  At least that is what I think he was signaling to me; it was either that or he was trying to tell me that he likes to point dramatically at his own hand.  I held up my phone to indicate to crazy man that I was actually talking on the phone rather than texting while driving, which clearly to him is on par with making love to Satan.  This did not satisfy him, he was clearly on a higher mission to make me more distracted and possibly run both of us off of the road.  That is when this guy drives up next to me on my left, rolls down the window on his passenger side and starts spewing language and flailing his arms about, all while driving down the highway at 65 miles per hour.  So dude, at this point you are more distracted by trying to shame me than I would have been had I actually BEEN texting, which I was not.

People, you don't need to be the texting police; that is what the actual police are for.  And to make it worse this dude sped off going about 75 in a 55 ahead of me after he felt he had made his spastic point.  So he was distracted while driving AND speeding but I am the bad guy for calling my mom.  I bet he doesn't even ever call his mom.  I wish that people would mind their own business more often and everything would be more peaceful.  Who is this guy to judge me and what I do in my car?  There are so many things that can distract people while they drive: quieting a screaming or fighting child in the back seat, smoking, eating, talking, singing, sneezing, making phone calls, typing in a GPS, etc.  The police, the law and more importantly citizens have no way to keep everyone from being distracted while driving all of the time.  Being on the highway is dangerous, we all know that, and the best we can do is try to be the most aware we can be all of the time.  For me this includes watching out for people who are distracted and keeping a cautious eye on them.  That being said, please watch out for a guy with crazy eyes in a maroon sedan, license plate DUM-528* driving on 71/75 south in Northern Kentucky...that guy is most likely distracted. 

*I completely made up this license plate number because I didn't want to "distract" myself enough to write down his real one.

Fandom:

One of my favorite “soap box” issues lately stems from my intolerance of rival bickering.  So that I am clear, my motivations behind cheering for my team (my alma mater, UK) have nothing to do with hating UL and everything to do with traditions, family, memories and fun.  I have no interest in wasting my time and energy arguing back and forth about something that will never be settled: which team/school is better.

Please, be a fan of your team, but there is no reason to carry around anger towards other teams and fans.  I’ve said a thousand times, all fans are the same, so why do we have to hate each other?  Prejudice against rival teams’ fans seems to me to be the last socially acceptable form of bigotry (since homophobia seems to be finally mostly taboo.)  I have friends who are UL fans and UC fans and every other kind of fans, and I don’t want them to be sad or to have their feelings hurt. 

I do understand that some people enjoy some “friendly” rival back and forth, but I am definitely not one of them.  I’m not competitive; I don’t like confrontation, so please leave me out of it.  When I cheer for my team I’m not challenging yours or inviting banter.  I’m simply cheering.  There are too many other things to be upset or angry about in life that I don’t need to provoke anger in others over simple fandom. 

Go All The Teams!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

 

racism is poo

            Recently there was a story passed around on Facebook about a little white baby girl who was “killed just for being white” in a predominately black neighborhood.  According to the author no one even heard about this child’s death-by-black because the liberal media pushed the story of black teen Treyvon Martin’s death relentlessly.  My mom frequently complains that there is nothing interesting on her Facebook News Feed but when I told her about that posting she proclaimed it to be blatantly racist and was likely then relieved for the quiet nature of her Facebook.

While I agree that the media sensationalizes stories for ratings; I have a hard time understanding how a person couldn’t see that post about the white girl, while sad if true, as nothing but a racist rant.  Do you even understand how many black children and teenagers die in poor neighborhoods every single day?  Do you know how many of their stories are passed over in favor of that of a suburban white girl gone missing for a few hours? 

            I understand that no one really knows what happened between Trayvon and George Zimmerman that tragic night.  But the fact that the media keeps obsessing over the story like some kind of Royal Baby Birth has nothing to do with the ridiculous idea that white news is somehow being repressed.  Look at Casey Anthony, Jaycee Dugard, Anthony Weiner and Jodi Arias, just to name a few.  The news certainly isn’t lacking for white stories or even white news casters.  And even if Trayvon’s story is deemed by some to be overplayed, it doesn’t make it any less sad or worth talking about.  The very fact that it sparked so much racial debate and anger shows that we have a long way to go in this country. 

            My Mom and I also frequently discuss (I love talking to my Mom) the abundance of complaints about having to “push 1 for English” on touch tone phones.  Is this really that much of an inconvenience or is it merely promoting fear in certain white hearts that they might not always be the majority?  I tend to lean towards the latter.  Americans are spoiled in that English is becoming the predominant language across the world.  We don’t have any trouble traveling to non-English speaking countries.  That is because most of the people in those countries learned actual English in high school, as opposed to the 5 words of Spanish we learn in 5 years of Spanish classes in America.  Most Americans have ancestors who spoke zero English when they stepped off of the boat and most of them experienced extreme prejudice just as Hispanic people are facing today.  Irish, Germans and Italians were all accused of “stealing ‘our’ jobs” at the time they immigrated.  Will this cycle ever end?  

            Traveling to NYC a couple of weeks ago I landed at JFK and stepped onto the runway into a maze of tunnels towards the terminal that would confuse even my own grandmother.  Next to me, however, was someone else’s grandmother who didn’t speak a word of English.  Luckily, that sweet lady caught my eye and I helped her navigate through.  I was so grateful for that little bit of Spanish I did retain because I was able to help her find “la maleta” (her suitcase) as well as her grandson who looked as relived as a mother finding a lost child.  This country is huge and full of every different kind of person.  Why can we not embrace our differences as the very thing that makes us beautiful?

I don’t want to fast forward my life nor do I wish that I lived in a different time.  I just wish that I could for a second peek into a future where racism is gone, breathe a sigh or relief and then keep on keepin’ on.  I understand things are better than they used to be and I rarely have to “unfriend” or block people for posts such as this.  But the thing is; I don’t want even a little bit of racism on my Facebook news feed.  It’s kind of like stepping in a little bit of dog poop.  It doesn’t really matter whether you step in a little pile or a big pile of poop; you still have shit on your shoe.