Lessons for the Considerate

Thanks to the abundance of rude people I have encountered lately in the Tri-State area, I have composed a short list of guidelines for people who wish to be considerate.

1. Your time is less important than other people’s time.

2. It is your fault that you don’t possess the ability to read minds of other drivers. If someone wants to come over in your lane and doesn’t signal, use Jedi Mind Reading tricks to sense it and yield. Otherwise you will irritate them.

3. Always yield to anyone else in the grocery. You are invisible and they are likely under the reasonable impression that they are the only person in the store.

4. Other people don’t make mistakes driving, only you do. That belligerent red neck honking his horn and waving fingers at you is a perfect driver so you should understand his frustration with your incompetence.

5. It is a scientific fact that the line you are standing in will move faster if the person behind you stands on your heals and breathes down your neck, so deal with it. Additionally, if you are not panicking because you fear you are not putting your wallet away and moving from the register quickly enough, then you really aren’t all that considerate.

6. Four-way stops indicate that one should stop then go right away, however YOU must wait until all others have vacated the intersection.

7. If someone’s car music or motorcycle is too loud for your ears then buy earplugs and wear them whenever you are out of your home. Or even wear them at home if you find your neighbors dog barks through the night.

8. If a person is drunk then they are not responsible for their own actions, thus if they step on your foot, puke on your leg or grab your girlfriend’s boob then just shake it off and buy them another beer.

9. You are not permitted to park in the fire lane at the Grocery store but other people are. For explanation please see #1.

10. Even if the reason you are on the highway on-ramp is because you would like to merge onto the highway, allow the person behind you to merge before you so that they can zoom past you before you attempt to enter, even if it means driving in the emergency lane for a while. Again, Please see #1.