A few months ago I was in Chipotle and noticed the impatient man in front of me rolling his eyes at the length of the line. Apparently he felt that he should be the only one who wants a burrito at 12:45 in the afternoon and the quick pace of the line was not enough to satisfy him. When he reached the ordering station, he snipped and snapped at each person who was there to help, and he visibly made fun of the man who was adding the cheese. Impatient man didn’t understand the word “Queso” so proceeded to make fun of the Chipotle worker’s English while fussing that he wanted four half-ton mountains of cheese instead of just three.
Another lady a few weeks later didn’t like that there was a hold up of approximately 2 minutes, and asked me “what’s taking so long, are they converting to pesos!? Heh heh heh.” I just stared at her.
First of all I think it is interesting how people have so quickly forgotten what it was like before we had places like Subway and Chipotle where we can literally direct the person constructing our food. We get to tell them how to make it! Do these people still visit Taco Bell and Wendy’s? Would anyone accept a single shriveled brown piece of lettuce if they were watching the sandwich being made? They are willing to pay for that slop on a bun but should Chipotle put one fewer piece of chicken flesh (sorry had to throw that in there) than you were wanting on your troth of food and all hell breaks loose. Power corrupts!!!
This application of salsa will mean I will NOT HAVE FULL SALSA COVERAGE IN EVERY BITE!! OH THE RAGE!!!!
Secondly, this particular Chipotle has given me extraordinary service 99% of the time. For the majority of the employees English is a second language but this really is not a bother as we are always able to communicate and my burrito is consistently fresh, fast and most importantly, Vegan! All up until today when I went in to order and noticed a very obvious lack of cultural diversity in the line. All of a sudden there is no language barrier, just a lack of interest. The 18-22 year old white kids on the line were passive, unfriendly, and sloppy and a couple even sported a sizeable attitude.
The following exchange happened in front of me in line:
Dude In Stocking Cap: “Could I get a little extra chicken?”
Rude White Chick with Too Much Make Up: *While flopping on a few extra pieces of chicken* “Yep and it costs extra.”
DISC: Oh, well I didn’t realize it would cost extra, I just wanted a few extra pieces.
RWCWTMMU: “Well, I guess we are GIVING AWAY free CHICKEN today!?” *As she mushes the thing together into a semi-burrito shape*
DISC: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cause a problem, I just didn’t want to pay for extra chicken, I didn’t really want it all that much, and ….”
All the while ALL the girls in the line were hemming and hawing for literally like 10 minutes about whether to make this offender a new burrito or to charge him for the chicken, or to just give him the burrito as is and not charge him extra. They went back and forth, all contradicting each other, like they were deciding which division of a Fortune 500 company to sell off. All of this time I am waiting for the burrito steaming chick to stop asking me things I had already told her. Brown Rice, no meat, I said vegetarian. Burrito not bowl, I already said that!!!!
I am truly hoping that the reason for the staff switch up is because some of the workers have gone home to Mexico for the holidays and they will return. I really, really, hope it’s not due to complaints from jerks like Impatient Man from the original example above. I, for one, would 10 times rather have the friendly Mexican workers back since they actually provide a good customer experience. A lot more than I can say about these ladies I encountered today.
People with accents (especially Hispanic accents) are constantly made fun of, ridiculed and dismissed and it even happens in my local Mexican restaurant. No, really, it does. I saw some trashy douche bags doing it not too long ago!! There, where the owners, chefs, wait staff and the lady swiping your credit card have a Mexican accent because they are, gasp, FROM Mexico. Big effing deal. How much does this really inconvenience folks that they feel the need to post it on Facebook and put ugly bumper stickers on their Toyotas about it? “Speak English, you are in America.” “America is for Americans.”
Unless you are full blood Native American then your ancestors also came from somewhere besides America. Get over it and enjoy some queso (or Queso Vegetariano estricto.)
Monday, December 12, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Out
We had a new employee start in my department this week. I like to play a little game with myself whenever new people get hired. It goes something like this: “how long will it take this person to find out I’m gay, will it be awkward and will they care?”
I have had some moments in the past that have been awkward, easy, funny, unique or uneventful. My favorite was when our new manager began work at one of my past jobs. He wanted to meet with each of us to learn about our goals and get to know us individually. He asked the usual questions and when I was talking about my significant other and my upcoming trip, he asked “and how long have you been with him?” I stated that actually “him” was a “her” and his face turned Santa hat red. All he could muster in response was “me too,” Meaning that he, also, was gay and he couldn’t believe that he of all people had made the wrong assumption.
Also it can be fun to watch people hear about it from me, and then try to pretend that they didn’t already hear about it through office gossip. “Oh REALLY, I didn’t know that!!!!!”
The whole reason I got to thinking about this today was due to a revelation I had when new girl “E” was doing some training at my desk this week. We were discussing cooking habits and then my diet came up, E asked if my family ate the same way that I do. I replied that no my girlfriend Cristy is not vegan or vegetarian. E did not bat an eye, didn’t shift uncomfortably in her seat, didn’t even skip a beat in the conversation. She just didn’t even care. No, wait, it’s not that she didn’t care, because she kept asking questions, she just didn’t see anything alarming about my personal life.
This got me thinking about how much I do believe things have changed for the better (Name that Musical!) for gays and lesbians in our country. E and so many other coworkers of mine just move past the information when my partner comes into conversation instead of dousing me with holy water. It’s no different than telling people you have a dog. Someone who is a cat lover might go off on you about why cats are superior to dogs, but it’s highly unlikely!
Through conversations with coworkers as I get to know them better I learn about other gay people in their own lives. These new acquaintances of mine have been come out to by people who are much closer to them than I am or will ever be. Thus sexual orientation is just another factoid about the girl in the cubicle next door.
I agree with GLAAD and the HRC that visibility in the media and our communities is important to gain acceptance for GLBT Americans and causes like Gay Marriage (which as has been pointed out by people more eloquent than myself, to us is just “Marriage,” I don’t have gay lunch or go gay shopping.) However, I also believe that the sometimes difficult task of coming out to loved ones is even more important since our society has reached a point where most people have a close friend or family member who is out. They might even have a whole bunch..gaggle….bushel?? What is the proper name for a grouping of gay people, anyway?
Whenever I get gloomy about the state of the world (Name that Movie!) after reading about Rick Perry or Michelle Bachman and worry about the fact that many people still share their views about homosexuality, that is when I need to remember my own personal interactions with average Americans and their responses to my personal life. And for the most part the responses turn out to be a whole lot of nothing!!
I have had some moments in the past that have been awkward, easy, funny, unique or uneventful. My favorite was when our new manager began work at one of my past jobs. He wanted to meet with each of us to learn about our goals and get to know us individually. He asked the usual questions and when I was talking about my significant other and my upcoming trip, he asked “and how long have you been with him?” I stated that actually “him” was a “her” and his face turned Santa hat red. All he could muster in response was “me too,” Meaning that he, also, was gay and he couldn’t believe that he of all people had made the wrong assumption.
Also it can be fun to watch people hear about it from me, and then try to pretend that they didn’t already hear about it through office gossip. “Oh REALLY, I didn’t know that!!!!!”
The whole reason I got to thinking about this today was due to a revelation I had when new girl “E” was doing some training at my desk this week. We were discussing cooking habits and then my diet came up, E asked if my family ate the same way that I do. I replied that no my girlfriend Cristy is not vegan or vegetarian. E did not bat an eye, didn’t shift uncomfortably in her seat, didn’t even skip a beat in the conversation. She just didn’t even care. No, wait, it’s not that she didn’t care, because she kept asking questions, she just didn’t see anything alarming about my personal life.
This got me thinking about how much I do believe things have changed for the better (Name that Musical!) for gays and lesbians in our country. E and so many other coworkers of mine just move past the information when my partner comes into conversation instead of dousing me with holy water. It’s no different than telling people you have a dog. Someone who is a cat lover might go off on you about why cats are superior to dogs, but it’s highly unlikely!
Through conversations with coworkers as I get to know them better I learn about other gay people in their own lives. These new acquaintances of mine have been come out to by people who are much closer to them than I am or will ever be. Thus sexual orientation is just another factoid about the girl in the cubicle next door.
I agree with GLAAD and the HRC that visibility in the media and our communities is important to gain acceptance for GLBT Americans and causes like Gay Marriage (which as has been pointed out by people more eloquent than myself, to us is just “Marriage,” I don’t have gay lunch or go gay shopping.) However, I also believe that the sometimes difficult task of coming out to loved ones is even more important since our society has reached a point where most people have a close friend or family member who is out. They might even have a whole bunch..gaggle….bushel?? What is the proper name for a grouping of gay people, anyway?
Whenever I get gloomy about the state of the world (Name that Movie!) after reading about Rick Perry or Michelle Bachman and worry about the fact that many people still share their views about homosexuality, that is when I need to remember my own personal interactions with average Americans and their responses to my personal life. And for the most part the responses turn out to be a whole lot of nothing!!
West Side Story
Mom, Judy, Cristy and I have tickets to see West Side Story when it comes to Cincinnati in March! Cristy and I were discussing the play last night and I was explaining where our seats are located. She was dancing around and said:
Cristy: I want to be in West Side Story, do you think they would take me?
Me: Well who would you like to play?
Cristy: One of the ones that doesn't die...
Cristy: I want to be in West Side Story, do you think they would take me?
Me: Well who would you like to play?
Cristy: One of the ones that doesn't die...
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Twilight Blog
I always assumed that mythical creatures like aliens, the Lochness Monster, Big Foot’s (Feet?) and the like would be very difficult to discover considering they have been wondered about for centuries. I watched Twilight last night and apparently, I was wrong. If you are wondering if you might have a friend who is a vampire, then following these simple steps will help you to confirm their undeadliness:
1. Observe suspicious behavior that no one else (adults, police, investigators, teachers, friends) seems to think is suspicious.
2. Ask someone about the history of your town to find out if it contains any legends which could be supernatural in nature. (They will likely have this knowledge to share but you will be the first person they have ever told.)
3. Look it up on the internet.
4. Buy a book about it. (Book must be old and dusty.)
5. Read that book.
6. Compare previously observed suspicious behavior to vampire Symptoms in the book.
7. Accuse the vampire. The vampire will be all “yep, I’m a vampire, wanna go fly around and stuff?”
Bam – you are now the only one on the planet who knows that vampires exist and you will be immediately let into their circle. Unless other people follow this method as laid out in Twilight, in which case lots of people will know….
1. Observe suspicious behavior that no one else (adults, police, investigators, teachers, friends) seems to think is suspicious.
2. Ask someone about the history of your town to find out if it contains any legends which could be supernatural in nature. (They will likely have this knowledge to share but you will be the first person they have ever told.)
3. Look it up on the internet.
4. Buy a book about it. (Book must be old and dusty.)
5. Read that book.
6. Compare previously observed suspicious behavior to vampire Symptoms in the book.
7. Accuse the vampire. The vampire will be all “yep, I’m a vampire, wanna go fly around and stuff?”
Bam – you are now the only one on the planet who knows that vampires exist and you will be immediately let into their circle. Unless other people follow this method as laid out in Twilight, in which case lots of people will know….
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
The Good Old Days
I always have to giggle to myself whenever I hear people of my generation and those above us speak of how “kids these days have no respect and are worthless.” That sentiment or something similar has been expressed by every group of 30+ year olds since the beginning of civilized time.
There is a curmudgeon sitting in a rocking chair on a porch somewhere expressing this very thought this very minute. And, by the way, it makes you sound SO OLD! You might as well follow it with “When I was young I used to have to walk uphill both ways to school in the snow with steel boots and four coats on.”
In the 60’s the old timers complained that the hippies were ruining America and its wholesomeness. In the 50’s Rock and Roll was destroying our youth. There is always a new culprit and new fingers being pointed.
Many like to blame this lack of respect on the lack of discipline and order by parents. In reality, crappy parents have been around since the dawn of time!! Think back to your school days, weren’t there some nasty, spoiled, rude bullies with no focus in your class? There certainly were in mine!
I also hear some baby boomers complain that were we allowed to smack and whip our kids like they used to in the much better abusive days, then kids would mind their manners. This is the most ridiculous excuse to fall back on antiquated discipline methods that I have ever heard! My parents didn’t whip or spank me or my siblings ever and we are very well rounded and respectful if I do say so myself. We were motivated by a desire to make our parents proud and that is what parents should strive for. It has been proven time and time again that the only thing a hit teaches a child is that when someone does something they don’t like then the solution is to hit.
Parents do more research now a days in more books and sources than were ever imaginable or available in the past. I know parents who spend a good part of their free time educating themselves on how to be good parents in order to produce children who are well rounded members of society. Of course there are those desperately angry parents that we see smacking their screaming child in the middle of the toy aisle at Wal-Mart (one of the main reasons why I don’t go to Wal-Mart;) but those parents and unfortunate children have always been and will likely always be. All we as a society can do is keep educating ourselves and evolving as times change rather than constantly looking to the past for the “Good Old Days.”
Now, class, go watch “Pleasantville” to conclude today’s lesson.
There is a curmudgeon sitting in a rocking chair on a porch somewhere expressing this very thought this very minute. And, by the way, it makes you sound SO OLD! You might as well follow it with “When I was young I used to have to walk uphill both ways to school in the snow with steel boots and four coats on.”
In the 60’s the old timers complained that the hippies were ruining America and its wholesomeness. In the 50’s Rock and Roll was destroying our youth. There is always a new culprit and new fingers being pointed.
Many like to blame this lack of respect on the lack of discipline and order by parents. In reality, crappy parents have been around since the dawn of time!! Think back to your school days, weren’t there some nasty, spoiled, rude bullies with no focus in your class? There certainly were in mine!
I also hear some baby boomers complain that were we allowed to smack and whip our kids like they used to in the much better abusive days, then kids would mind their manners. This is the most ridiculous excuse to fall back on antiquated discipline methods that I have ever heard! My parents didn’t whip or spank me or my siblings ever and we are very well rounded and respectful if I do say so myself. We were motivated by a desire to make our parents proud and that is what parents should strive for. It has been proven time and time again that the only thing a hit teaches a child is that when someone does something they don’t like then the solution is to hit.
Parents do more research now a days in more books and sources than were ever imaginable or available in the past. I know parents who spend a good part of their free time educating themselves on how to be good parents in order to produce children who are well rounded members of society. Of course there are those desperately angry parents that we see smacking their screaming child in the middle of the toy aisle at Wal-Mart (one of the main reasons why I don’t go to Wal-Mart;) but those parents and unfortunate children have always been and will likely always be. All we as a society can do is keep educating ourselves and evolving as times change rather than constantly looking to the past for the “Good Old Days.”
Now, class, go watch “Pleasantville” to conclude today’s lesson.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Missing Comma
Punctuation, it's important, people!!
The following text conversation is a good example of why a missing comma can cause confusion or even disgust.
Cristy: Call me pooter pants
Me: Lol, why?
Cristy: um, ew, lol
Me: Am I missing something?
So from my perspective I was wondering why in the world Cristy would want to be called “Pooter Pants” and I was slightly worried that she had, in fact, pootered in her pants at work. This would be highly unusual but you can understand my concern. When I did ask her why she wanted to be called pooter pants, she answered with ew. This was starting to get scarier. But surely Cristy wouldn’t be lol’ing about an accident in her drawers.
From Cristy’s perspective this was an entirely different conversation. She had intended to say: Call me, pooter pants. She was asking me (here playfully referred to as pooter pants) to call her from my desk. Then when I asked why, she thought that was rude, and replied with ew.
To answer my own question from my final response to Cristy above: The Comma is what you are missing!!
Cristy called me shortly after the text misunderstanding to ask why I hadn’t called her, and I replied that she hadn’t asked me to call her. A quick review of the text conversation revealed the source of confusion.
The moral of the story is do not underestimate the importance of commas. Its absence could cause someone to question your ability to control your bowels.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Pet Peeves
My all time biggest Pet Peeve is when the toilet paper canister is too far for anyone without go-go-gadget arms to reach. This forces toilet users to stand up after doing their business to get the toilet paper, which obviously poses a sanition concern, or to pre-judge how much toilet paper they think they will need before sitting down in the first place. I dont like either of those options.
However, the worst of the worst is the last stall in my work bathroom. I avoid this stall as best I can but sometimes nature calls and I have no choice. See, the reason that this stall is so hellish is because not only is the toilet paper too far to reach but also these toilets flush automatically when you rise from the seat. So when I am in a hurry (as I always am in this stall because I couldn't wait for the other stalls to open up) I am forced to resort to the second option above. Lean far away from the toilet to get the paper, and..........WWWWOOOOOSSSHhhhhhhh!!
However, the worst of the worst is the last stall in my work bathroom. I avoid this stall as best I can but sometimes nature calls and I have no choice. See, the reason that this stall is so hellish is because not only is the toilet paper too far to reach but also these toilets flush automatically when you rise from the seat. So when I am in a hurry (as I always am in this stall because I couldn't wait for the other stalls to open up) I am forced to resort to the second option above. Lean far away from the toilet to get the paper, and..........WWWWOOOOOSSSHhhhhhhh!!
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Disney Princesses
I have heard some feminists complain about the prevalence of Disney Princess in our female children’s play things. Their concern stems from the fear of daughters feeling that their life goal is only to find a hunky piece of Prince ass to whisk them away to their happily ever after. While I understand the issue and I totally get that daughters need not place their value in finding a man (I am a feminist lesbian, after all) I find some fault in these arguments. My love of Disney caused me to peer further into the feminist princess ban, which on the surface can seem reasonable. I certainly don’t want my future daughter to think that she must wait around in an apron dusting cobwebs and calling out in song for her prince charming. I additionally don’t want her to feel that she has to play with princess dolls at all. She can wear camo, play football and hunt frogs for all I care. Or she can have tea parties with Ariel and Aurora. As long as she is active doing things she loves I will be happy. (Gender conformity is a topic for another blog and I promise I will do that one next, Kerry!)
Just like anything, children learn from movies the lessons that we help them learn. If we constantly praise Cinderella for finding her prince or encourage our little girls to act like princesses so that they can find prince charming then those are the lessons they will take from the Disney movies.
However, upon further investigation of most of the Disney Princess movies, the Princesses within are anything but your typical damsel in distress. Most of them are headstrong, individual, smart and kind. More often than not they buck the system and display characteristics that are atypical of the blushing submissive princess. Following are some examples of lessons to be learned from different princesses.
Jasmine – The princess in Aladdin certainly does not blindly follow the set rules for female royalty in her kingdom. She wasn’t going to have any of that “arranged marriage” crap and she warned her wimpy King daddy that she would choose a man that SHE liked. She made her point and did the triple snap before swinging that massive pony tail in a dramatic exit. Two points for you Princess Jasmine, you go Princess Jasmine. She also called out Aladdin on his tricks and if it weren’t for her help Jafar would be rulling Agrabah as we speak. Jasmine challenged the system and was seeking ways to change her country once she and her husband took the leadership.
Cinderella – Poor Cindy gets the worst rap of all; waiting patiently for her Prince to come and rescue her from her meanie pants step mother, her trashtastic step sisters and their evil cat named Lucifer. That’s really his name, Lucifer and he is actually the nicest of them all. However lessons to be learned from Cinderella are still there if we look! First and foremost I would like to point out that the true hero of this story is the Fairy Godmother. Now there is a powerful female character with a good heart, excellent problem solving abilities and a keen sense of style. The fact that she is an older lady just makes it all the better. Who says you have to be young and beautiful to make stuff happen!? And Cinderella herself was not just a subservient ditz sitting around cleaning for fun. She was kind to animals (she painstakingly made tiny clothes for those little mice which my Mom can tell you is no easy task since she made clothes for my Barbie’s,) she was tolerant of her “family,” she practiced her singing talents diligently (work with me here) and she was a very loving soul.
Mulan – Mulan REALLY bucks the system. When her crippled father is called up to serve in the army, she steps in for him disguised as a boy. She fights and defends her family first and foremost; falling in love was secondary to the story behind her courageous actions. I love some of the music in this movie and Mulan displays strength, creativeness and determination, all wonderful characteristics for children to witness. Additionally, as you may or may not know, I love a girl in drag!
Tiana – Princess Tiana was a girl who knew what she wanted and drove herself to that goal. She worked two jobs all the while holding back from smacking that over privileged terror of a rich blonde friend she had. I mean that girl and her Daddy ate up Tiana’s beignets in one bite! Did they even taste the darn things!? Tiana didn’t even WANT to be a Princess she just wanted that restaurant; and while keeping that goal in mind she fell in love with a guy who she didn’t even know WAS a prince. Well she got that fabulous restaurant and proceeded to make the Prince husband work in the restaurant with her. Excellent turn of events, in my opinion.
I could make a case for all of the princesses redeeming qualities but my point is that there are lessons in each of the Disney movies and it is up to the parents to watch these movies with our children and help them to learn what we feel is relevant for them. All while enjoying the artistry, award winning scores, well developed characters and meaningful story lines in these moving Motion Pictures that we have come to expect from Walt Disney Studios. (You didn’t expect me to get through this without a gratuitous moment of praise for my beloved, did you?)
Just like anything, children learn from movies the lessons that we help them learn. If we constantly praise Cinderella for finding her prince or encourage our little girls to act like princesses so that they can find prince charming then those are the lessons they will take from the Disney movies.
However, upon further investigation of most of the Disney Princess movies, the Princesses within are anything but your typical damsel in distress. Most of them are headstrong, individual, smart and kind. More often than not they buck the system and display characteristics that are atypical of the blushing submissive princess. Following are some examples of lessons to be learned from different princesses.
Jasmine – The princess in Aladdin certainly does not blindly follow the set rules for female royalty in her kingdom. She wasn’t going to have any of that “arranged marriage” crap and she warned her wimpy King daddy that she would choose a man that SHE liked. She made her point and did the triple snap before swinging that massive pony tail in a dramatic exit. Two points for you Princess Jasmine, you go Princess Jasmine. She also called out Aladdin on his tricks and if it weren’t for her help Jafar would be rulling Agrabah as we speak. Jasmine challenged the system and was seeking ways to change her country once she and her husband took the leadership.
Cinderella – Poor Cindy gets the worst rap of all; waiting patiently for her Prince to come and rescue her from her meanie pants step mother, her trashtastic step sisters and their evil cat named Lucifer. That’s really his name, Lucifer and he is actually the nicest of them all. However lessons to be learned from Cinderella are still there if we look! First and foremost I would like to point out that the true hero of this story is the Fairy Godmother. Now there is a powerful female character with a good heart, excellent problem solving abilities and a keen sense of style. The fact that she is an older lady just makes it all the better. Who says you have to be young and beautiful to make stuff happen!? And Cinderella herself was not just a subservient ditz sitting around cleaning for fun. She was kind to animals (she painstakingly made tiny clothes for those little mice which my Mom can tell you is no easy task since she made clothes for my Barbie’s,) she was tolerant of her “family,” she practiced her singing talents diligently (work with me here) and she was a very loving soul.
Mulan – Mulan REALLY bucks the system. When her crippled father is called up to serve in the army, she steps in for him disguised as a boy. She fights and defends her family first and foremost; falling in love was secondary to the story behind her courageous actions. I love some of the music in this movie and Mulan displays strength, creativeness and determination, all wonderful characteristics for children to witness. Additionally, as you may or may not know, I love a girl in drag!
Tiana – Princess Tiana was a girl who knew what she wanted and drove herself to that goal. She worked two jobs all the while holding back from smacking that over privileged terror of a rich blonde friend she had. I mean that girl and her Daddy ate up Tiana’s beignets in one bite! Did they even taste the darn things!? Tiana didn’t even WANT to be a Princess she just wanted that restaurant; and while keeping that goal in mind she fell in love with a guy who she didn’t even know WAS a prince. Well she got that fabulous restaurant and proceeded to make the Prince husband work in the restaurant with her. Excellent turn of events, in my opinion.
I could make a case for all of the princesses redeeming qualities but my point is that there are lessons in each of the Disney movies and it is up to the parents to watch these movies with our children and help them to learn what we feel is relevant for them. All while enjoying the artistry, award winning scores, well developed characters and meaningful story lines in these moving Motion Pictures that we have come to expect from Walt Disney Studios. (You didn’t expect me to get through this without a gratuitous moment of praise for my beloved, did you?)
Monday, August 29, 2011
Don't be so mean, you mean old meanie
There has been plenty written about the dangers of online bullying and internet anonymity which encourages people to act like total ass hole fools who fulfill their dreams of being more confrontational through their alter ego online. This is a well documented phenomenon, most notably visible on forums such as the comment trail underneath CNN’s articles.
I try so very hard not to read these comments because most of them are left by so called “trolls” who make statements which may or may not be in keeping with their own beliefs and then wait for people to go all ape shit crazy on each other. All while the troll giggles from behind the computer in their mom’s basement, proud as a papa of the madness they created.
Again, I try to avoid reading the comments of bored morons, but what I am bothered with today is the non-anonymous meanness left on sites like Facebook or through Twitter. I wonder if people realize that we can see them? You do know that if you post something in your status, then all 500 or however many friends you have will be able to view it? See how it works is, not just the ones you want to see it will, but like, EVERYONE will see it.
A secret no longer is a secret when it is right there on Facebook for all to see. Today I saw someone belittle a common topic they noticed amongst their friends’ status updates. See, all your friends who posted about that subject can read about the fact that you think their posts are stupid!! Did you not know that? I felt like saying “that was way harsh, Tai.”
Now, this is not to say that I agree with everything everyone states or that I don’t think that some statuses are inane or repetitive. But I do try to think through every status I post so as not to insult or belittle my friends. Yes statuses can get ridiculous or flat out pointless, however when I choose to “friend” someone it means that I will be seeing what THEY want to post, not what I would like for them to post. I do have the choice to block them, unfriend them, or God forbid….Leave Facebook!! AAAHHHHHhhhhhhhhh!
I try very hard on a daily basis not to be mean. My advice is “don’t be a mean girl;” no one likes a mean girl after High School! I didn’t even like them IN High School. Maybe I would have if they were Lindsay Lohan but for the most part they are not likeable members of society/Facebook/twitter.
We all have the option to “like” a status or to leave it. I will continue to post about what I think is interesting and you do the same. If I post about something that you disagree with, think is dumb or just hate more than feet flavored ice cream, then please just make fun of me behind my back unless you plan to tell me straight to my face that you hate my favorite things. I bet you won’t…
By the way, Jo Calderone is the hottest piece of hotness to ever walk the hot earth. Disagree? I don’t care, I will post it anyway!!!
Monday, August 8, 2011
Shark Bait, Ooh Ha Ha
When Cristy and I first met, she was suspicious that I might be the kind of chick who during camping trips sits in the tent with a fan and a portable feather bed complaining about the ants and the heat. On the contrary I actually enjoy camping; I love packing all the essentials and arranging the camp site. I especially love sitting by a camp fire with friends and listening to music or catching up on all the things we forget to talk about during our crazy day to day lives.
That being said, when I am camping and a number of things are all going wrong at the same time, and those things are making me increasingly more uncomfortable, then I can get a little bit upset. Cristy might call it hysterical, I just say “upset.”
So, all was well with the world when we went to bed Friday night. No rain as predicted, air mattress had no leaks which meant I wouldn’t spend the night with my shoulder blade digging into the ground and Koda was only barking at every other person rather than all so that was impressive. Around 1:00am I woke up because my bug bites were starting to materialize on my feet and itched like crazy. Why bug bites on feet itch 20 times more than bug bites other places I might never know, but they were huge and itchy. The first solution I came up with to avoid sitting up (which as we all know makes you more awake and less likely to fall right back asleep) was to rub my feet on the sheets. This worked surprisingly well which then alerted me to the fact that half of the sand from the campsite was now inside our tent and in our sheets (thanks Koda.) The sand helped me scratch those bug bites (which I am now convinced were inflicted by those giant mosquitoes from Jumanji,) however sand in sheets is not conducive to sleeping.
After more feet rubbing and scratching my irritability level was reaching dangerous levels as I noticed not only the abundance of sand but the fact that I was sweating like a polar bear wearing fleece pajamas in the Sahara and I also now had to pee. Not the kind where you can ignore it, lay on your side and go back to sleep but the kind where your body is saying “get the hell up you idiot.”
I crawled over Cristy and the dog, searched for my flip flops for what felt like 20 minutes and limped (I am still recovering from a broken toe) out of the tent and over to a patch of grass to squat. As you may or may not know, toes are very important in balance. That combined with the dark, no glasses and the fact that I was slightly delirious from being woken up by the Jumanji Bug Bites all meant that what should have been a quick pee was anything but. It was 10 minutes of misery. Ready to fall back into my beachy bed and attempt to sleep, I limped and wobbled back to the tent, only to hear Cristy ask me to get the Oreos because her sugar was dropping.
This is where I started to loose it. It took me 10 minutes to pee right next to the tent (downhill away from the tent of course) so how long was it going to take me to get to the car and back!? I literally cried and whimpered the whole way to fetch the cookies and the whole way back to the tent. I knew it was irrational but hey, it was 1:30am and I was not quite myself, OK?
As we settled in and I waited for the crunch crunch of cookies to stop so we could go back to sleep, I started to hear noises. At first I figured it was just my delirious mind playing tricks on me. I mean, giant Jumanji Mosquitos don’t REALLY exist!? All of a sudden a large Beast started hurling it self against the window of our tent from the outside. I was prepared for the worst, I started trying to explain to Cristy what was happening as she was yelling at Koda. She assumed it was simply Koda bouncing off the tent walls on the inside like a pin ball. By the time she realized that there was a Beast trying to enter our tent by force head first like an Angry Bird, the Beast was trying to come through the door on her side of the tent now! She was literally pushing it away with her fist from inside the tent as I retreated to fetal position in the dead center of the air mattress. We felt like bait inside a shark cage at the bottom of the ocean, no where to hide as we awaited our gruesome fate. I call this animal the Beast because what turned out to be a dog reminded me of the Beast from the movie The Sandlot. Once Cristy was brave enough to go outside it turned out all this Pit Bull wanted was to play with us or Koda. Cristy returned the dog to its drunk and stoned owners who were confused how the dog could be attacking our tent while simultaneously sleeping in their tent. Cristy had to try to explain that the dog was NOT, in fact, sleeping in their tent.
Once the adrenaline wore off and our friends Sarah and Mel were convinced that we were not dead and the Beast was not going to be attacking either of our tents any time soon, we all drifted off to a sandy, itchy, hot sleep.
The next day arrived and proceeded without any more incidents. Lunch, drinks, dinner, wading in the river, reading, talking and relaxing. All the things camping is supposed to be. Cristy and I were tired early that night due to the previous night’s brush with doggie death so we retired at 10:00. I tell you it wasn’t 10 minutes after we laid down when I heard it. BOM bom bom bom, BOM bom bom bom. Tribal drums! Coming from the camp site next to us! Now, I don’t know if you have ever tried to sleep through tribal drums before, but it is simply impossible. I can only conclude that this drummer was the one who had summoned the Jumanji Mosquitoes because it was the very same drum beat from that movie. The VERY SAME!
I grabbed up the new lantern flashlight we had brought because it had the most light and stomped over to that campsite. I was prepared for the worst and figured Cristy, Mel and Sarah would have my back if it turned out to be a site full of drunken sumo wrestlers or something. On the contrary it was 4 or 5 middle aged ladies with a single drum.
I started mumbling at them about dogs and sleeping and drumming making me insane and I told those ladies that unless tribal drumming was part of their religion they better quit. They did quit so I must have looked pretty intense with my crazy bed hair and psycho eyes, shining that light in their startled faces.
The next morning all was quiet again just like the morning before. I would say I thought these events might have been dreams except for the fact that there were witnesses. Next camping trip I think I might step up the high maintenance factor (Cristy already assumed this to be the case so might as well give in) and bring a sound machine, a fan, citronella lamps, a dust buster, and I don’t know, steel plated walls for the tent?
I would like to make a quick disclaimer about this blog, if you have never seen The Sandlot, Finding Nemo or Jumanji then this was probably not very funny, my apologies.
That being said, when I am camping and a number of things are all going wrong at the same time, and those things are making me increasingly more uncomfortable, then I can get a little bit upset. Cristy might call it hysterical, I just say “upset.”
So, all was well with the world when we went to bed Friday night. No rain as predicted, air mattress had no leaks which meant I wouldn’t spend the night with my shoulder blade digging into the ground and Koda was only barking at every other person rather than all so that was impressive. Around 1:00am I woke up because my bug bites were starting to materialize on my feet and itched like crazy. Why bug bites on feet itch 20 times more than bug bites other places I might never know, but they were huge and itchy. The first solution I came up with to avoid sitting up (which as we all know makes you more awake and less likely to fall right back asleep) was to rub my feet on the sheets. This worked surprisingly well which then alerted me to the fact that half of the sand from the campsite was now inside our tent and in our sheets (thanks Koda.) The sand helped me scratch those bug bites (which I am now convinced were inflicted by those giant mosquitoes from Jumanji,) however sand in sheets is not conducive to sleeping.
After more feet rubbing and scratching my irritability level was reaching dangerous levels as I noticed not only the abundance of sand but the fact that I was sweating like a polar bear wearing fleece pajamas in the Sahara and I also now had to pee. Not the kind where you can ignore it, lay on your side and go back to sleep but the kind where your body is saying “get the hell up you idiot.”
I crawled over Cristy and the dog, searched for my flip flops for what felt like 20 minutes and limped (I am still recovering from a broken toe) out of the tent and over to a patch of grass to squat. As you may or may not know, toes are very important in balance. That combined with the dark, no glasses and the fact that I was slightly delirious from being woken up by the Jumanji Bug Bites all meant that what should have been a quick pee was anything but. It was 10 minutes of misery. Ready to fall back into my beachy bed and attempt to sleep, I limped and wobbled back to the tent, only to hear Cristy ask me to get the Oreos because her sugar was dropping.
This is where I started to loose it. It took me 10 minutes to pee right next to the tent (downhill away from the tent of course) so how long was it going to take me to get to the car and back!? I literally cried and whimpered the whole way to fetch the cookies and the whole way back to the tent. I knew it was irrational but hey, it was 1:30am and I was not quite myself, OK?
As we settled in and I waited for the crunch crunch of cookies to stop so we could go back to sleep, I started to hear noises. At first I figured it was just my delirious mind playing tricks on me. I mean, giant Jumanji Mosquitos don’t REALLY exist!? All of a sudden a large Beast started hurling it self against the window of our tent from the outside. I was prepared for the worst, I started trying to explain to Cristy what was happening as she was yelling at Koda. She assumed it was simply Koda bouncing off the tent walls on the inside like a pin ball. By the time she realized that there was a Beast trying to enter our tent by force head first like an Angry Bird, the Beast was trying to come through the door on her side of the tent now! She was literally pushing it away with her fist from inside the tent as I retreated to fetal position in the dead center of the air mattress. We felt like bait inside a shark cage at the bottom of the ocean, no where to hide as we awaited our gruesome fate. I call this animal the Beast because what turned out to be a dog reminded me of the Beast from the movie The Sandlot. Once Cristy was brave enough to go outside it turned out all this Pit Bull wanted was to play with us or Koda. Cristy returned the dog to its drunk and stoned owners who were confused how the dog could be attacking our tent while simultaneously sleeping in their tent. Cristy had to try to explain that the dog was NOT, in fact, sleeping in their tent.
Once the adrenaline wore off and our friends Sarah and Mel were convinced that we were not dead and the Beast was not going to be attacking either of our tents any time soon, we all drifted off to a sandy, itchy, hot sleep.
The next day arrived and proceeded without any more incidents. Lunch, drinks, dinner, wading in the river, reading, talking and relaxing. All the things camping is supposed to be. Cristy and I were tired early that night due to the previous night’s brush with doggie death so we retired at 10:00. I tell you it wasn’t 10 minutes after we laid down when I heard it. BOM bom bom bom, BOM bom bom bom. Tribal drums! Coming from the camp site next to us! Now, I don’t know if you have ever tried to sleep through tribal drums before, but it is simply impossible. I can only conclude that this drummer was the one who had summoned the Jumanji Mosquitoes because it was the very same drum beat from that movie. The VERY SAME!
I grabbed up the new lantern flashlight we had brought because it had the most light and stomped over to that campsite. I was prepared for the worst and figured Cristy, Mel and Sarah would have my back if it turned out to be a site full of drunken sumo wrestlers or something. On the contrary it was 4 or 5 middle aged ladies with a single drum.
I started mumbling at them about dogs and sleeping and drumming making me insane and I told those ladies that unless tribal drumming was part of their religion they better quit. They did quit so I must have looked pretty intense with my crazy bed hair and psycho eyes, shining that light in their startled faces.
The next morning all was quiet again just like the morning before. I would say I thought these events might have been dreams except for the fact that there were witnesses. Next camping trip I think I might step up the high maintenance factor (Cristy already assumed this to be the case so might as well give in) and bring a sound machine, a fan, citronella lamps, a dust buster, and I don’t know, steel plated walls for the tent?
I would like to make a quick disclaimer about this blog, if you have never seen The Sandlot, Finding Nemo or Jumanji then this was probably not very funny, my apologies.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Memories
Left and then a right, right at the dead end, turn onto Arbor Ct. As the car carried me through the physical directions to arrive at my childhood home last weekend, it also moved me through a collection of memories. Like a ride vehicle through my life at a different time, my car seemed to know where to go so that I could participate in the scenes.
There in Louisville, in Anchorage, at my Church and all the places where a younger me visited so often with people who were also younger then; it was all slightly overwhelming for an extra emotionally able person like myself. Emotionally able – this is the PC term I have coined for people such as myself, don’t make fun.
Haven moved away from my hometown years ago and since my parents have moved as well, coming home to Louisville is a bizarre and unique experience for me. Things have changed and new people have moved in, all while I was living life somewhere not too far away, but not close enough. It is a home in which I have no specific place. Like visiting an old job and expecting your cubicle to be the way you left it, people shouldn’t have aged, married, moved or changed things from the way they were.
I usually get that tight chested feeling of avoiding tears as I get closer to familiar areas and it all culminates with some weeping on Arbor Ct. In the past I always assumed these emotions were due to the inevitable onset of happy memories and friendly sights. This past visit I realized an additional reason for the tears is a bit darker. Seeing my childhood home and the homes of my friends is a terrifying reminder of how fast life passes by. I don’t feel 32, I feel that it was not long ago at all when I was playing freeze tag in that front yard. My memories feel fresh and awakened on my cul-de-sac in Anchorage. If they are so easily accessed and poignantly recent then how quickly will the next 20 years pass by!?
Kids that were my friends have their own kids now, an entire generation has evolved while I was living my life in another place.
Melancholy as it sounds; I feel this duplicitous sense of emotional attack every time I go home to Louisville. However it would never stop me from visiting and I cherish every memory of my safe and happy childhood. Those people and places that bring a tear and a smile are those that shape my feelings, my past and my sense of self.
Watching Paul McCartney in concert last night I began to notice this sentiment in many faces of fans who were likely wondering how time had passed so quickly from when they were watching Paul and the rest of the Beatles on their first Black and White TV. Luckily for everyone this expression morphed into joy for the fans as the concert powered on. Perhaps this is why Paul plays for 3 hours (he is a machine, I tell you!) 2 hours for reflections on time and life and a final hour for giving into the memory and embodying your younger self. Heck, Paul was rocking it out at almost 70 years old so maybe we don’t really need to worry about time at all!
There in Louisville, in Anchorage, at my Church and all the places where a younger me visited so often with people who were also younger then; it was all slightly overwhelming for an extra emotionally able person like myself. Emotionally able – this is the PC term I have coined for people such as myself, don’t make fun.
Haven moved away from my hometown years ago and since my parents have moved as well, coming home to Louisville is a bizarre and unique experience for me. Things have changed and new people have moved in, all while I was living life somewhere not too far away, but not close enough. It is a home in which I have no specific place. Like visiting an old job and expecting your cubicle to be the way you left it, people shouldn’t have aged, married, moved or changed things from the way they were.
I usually get that tight chested feeling of avoiding tears as I get closer to familiar areas and it all culminates with some weeping on Arbor Ct. In the past I always assumed these emotions were due to the inevitable onset of happy memories and friendly sights. This past visit I realized an additional reason for the tears is a bit darker. Seeing my childhood home and the homes of my friends is a terrifying reminder of how fast life passes by. I don’t feel 32, I feel that it was not long ago at all when I was playing freeze tag in that front yard. My memories feel fresh and awakened on my cul-de-sac in Anchorage. If they are so easily accessed and poignantly recent then how quickly will the next 20 years pass by!?
Kids that were my friends have their own kids now, an entire generation has evolved while I was living my life in another place.
Melancholy as it sounds; I feel this duplicitous sense of emotional attack every time I go home to Louisville. However it would never stop me from visiting and I cherish every memory of my safe and happy childhood. Those people and places that bring a tear and a smile are those that shape my feelings, my past and my sense of self.
Watching Paul McCartney in concert last night I began to notice this sentiment in many faces of fans who were likely wondering how time had passed so quickly from when they were watching Paul and the rest of the Beatles on their first Black and White TV. Luckily for everyone this expression morphed into joy for the fans as the concert powered on. Perhaps this is why Paul plays for 3 hours (he is a machine, I tell you!) 2 hours for reflections on time and life and a final hour for giving into the memory and embodying your younger self. Heck, Paul was rocking it out at almost 70 years old so maybe we don’t really need to worry about time at all!
Paul McCartney Set List 8/4/11
Thursday 4th August 2011 - The Great American Ball Park, Cincinnati, USA
1.Hello Goodbye
2.Juniors Farm
3.All My Loving
4.Jet
5.Drive My Car
6.Sing The Changes
7.Night Before
8.Let Me Roll It
9.Paperback Writer
10.Long And Winding Road
11.1985
12.Let 'Em In
13.Maybe I'm Amazed
14.I've Just Seen A Face
15.I Will
16.Blackbird
17.Here Today
18.Dance Tonight
19.Mrs Vanderbilt
20.Eleanor Rigby
21.Something
22.Band On The Run
23.Obla Di Obla Da
24.Back In The USSR
25.I've Gotta Feeling
26.A Day In The Life
27.Let It Be
28.Live And Let Die
29.Hey Jude
Encore
30.Lady Madonna
31.Day Tripper
32.Get Back
Second Encore
33.Yesterday
34.Helter Skelter
35.Golden Slumbers
1.Hello Goodbye
2.Juniors Farm
3.All My Loving
4.Jet
5.Drive My Car
6.Sing The Changes
7.Night Before
8.Let Me Roll It
9.Paperback Writer
10.Long And Winding Road
11.1985
12.Let 'Em In
13.Maybe I'm Amazed
14.I've Just Seen A Face
15.I Will
16.Blackbird
17.Here Today
18.Dance Tonight
19.Mrs Vanderbilt
20.Eleanor Rigby
21.Something
22.Band On The Run
23.Obla Di Obla Da
24.Back In The USSR
25.I've Gotta Feeling
26.A Day In The Life
27.Let It Be
28.Live And Let Die
29.Hey Jude
Encore
30.Lady Madonna
31.Day Tripper
32.Get Back
Second Encore
33.Yesterday
34.Helter Skelter
35.Golden Slumbers
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Contribution to a Pawn Shop
To protect myself from liability we will call the criminal in this story “C.” Although C is such an inept criminal he decided to steal from someone who just enrolled him in college. Someone who because of that fact has his address, date of birth, phone numbers, social security number, email address, mom’s name and mom’s email address. I’m just sayin….
I frequently meet with students who display characteristics similar to C. Been in trouble with the law, quiet, ask the same questions twice, head outside to their car to smoke frequently, cant follow simple instructions like “wait for me here.” However in retrospect these things were warning signs of what would happen at my desk.
Many admissions representatives had attempted to get C to come in for a campus visit in the past, including myself. He had no-showed quite a few times so when I called him yesterday I was surprised to hear him say that he wanted to come in that very day and that he was so sorry he missed his last appointment. (He was probably busy stealing cars and punching old ladies in the face.)
C made quite a few excuses to go out to his car through the interview and enrollment process and I assumed it was to smoke. He might have been smoking something other than cigarettes because he frequently would ask the same questions more than once. After my Director met with C, I left him at my desk so I could go make copies and let Financial Aid know that he would be coming over to sit with them. I left C at my desk, with my iphone plugged in on the right hand side and my purse sitting in the cabinet unlocked. While most everything else after this point went incredibly badly for poor C, this opportunity was perfect and he took the phone. I have left that phone plugged in on my desk in front of every student who has ever come to meet with me, so I suppose this was bound to happen but I am simply shocked by C’s actions. How in the world is the likely $20 profit from the phone worth the moral implications of theft against someone who has been so helpful!? I mean, he indicated he was hungry and I brought him Pizza from Orientation for God’s sake!!! I felt like Giselle in Enchanted when she sits down all sweet and cuddly with that old man on the street and he smiles then takes her tiara off her head and runs away. “You…..Are not a very nice old man!!”
While C met with Financial Aid to size up David’s cubicle for more possible loot, I was back at my desk looking for my phone. I quickly determined that I hadn’t taken it anywhere, it was not at the desk and therefore C had taken it. My Director went with me to the FA office, and from the cube next to David’s we called my phone. Now the phone was on silent but I was hoping I could hear it buzz. Oh was I ever in luck, not only did it buzz, but C, being the not so savvy criminal that he is, pulled the thing out of his pocket to silence the buzzing. All this I witnessed as I casually walked by!! So now I had the evidence but needed to determine my move.
The Director of the school advised that we could not accuse him (even though it was IN HIS HANDS) so I walked back over and simply asked him if he accidentally picked the phone up. Well now I have never seen someone’s eyes expand to the circumference that his did at that moment. He is lucky those things didn’t pop right out of his head while he answered that no, he just had his own phone. This is when he pulled his own phone out of the pocket that my phone had been in when I walked by. So C must have panicked when he saw me stroll by and decided the best way to not get busted was to simply move the phone to a different pocket.
At this point I realized that I was actually going to have to let this punk walk out the door and go home with my phone and there was nothing what so ever I could do about it. Off he went into the horizon, the proud owner of my cute little iphone with all my PETA and Disney apps in its case that my friend Becca gave me. I knew I would never see it again and was already dreading the craptastic flip phone from 1989 I would have to buy to replace it because I can not bring myself to buy a new iphone at retail!
As soon as C walked out of the building, my phone started going to voicemail when everyone called it. I guess he didn’t want to talk to my friends, how rude. Cristy came up to the school to assist in the investigation but more to prevent the melt down she predicted over this phone situation. We called the police and had my service suspended on the phone. When the police man (I am going to call him Frank but in reality I didn’t get his name which I feel really badly about because I would like to write him a thank you letter) arrived I gave him the whole story along with all of the contact information that we had for C. Frank called C’s home phone, where C lives with his Mom, so his Mom answered the call. Mom gave Frank C’s cell phone number so we could call him on that line. So guys, get this, C ANSWERED the phone and spoke to Frank! It was unbelievable. The conversation went something like this:
Frank: “I want you to think very carefully about how you answer this question because the consequences could be severe. Did you accidentally pick up a cell phone when you visited Brown Mackie College today?”
C: “Yes, I did.”
Frank: “Bring the phone back up to the school now and you will not get in trouble.”
C: “Ok, I was already on my way to bring it back, but I am scared because I don’t want to have to see Ann.” (GUILT!)
Frank: “Well dude, you are just going to have to man-up and do it.”
Well of course I assumed he was just trying to get Frank off the phone, but maybe, just maybe, he would bring that phone back to me!! We waited, we paced, we took bets, we examined every car that came into the parking lot (by the way, sorry to the chick that was picking up her boyfriend from classes, you probably felt uncomfortable when you pulled up and two girls and a cop pointed and studied your car and demeanor wondering if you were C’s girlfriend sent in his place. That must have been awkward.)
Soon enough, lo and behold C drove up with my phone, got out of his car, and handed that thing right back to me!! I couldn’t believe it. He apologized for the “accident” because my phone “fell into his books” of which he had none, and said he thought my phone was his, even though he then had two phones. Whatever, I thanked him for bringing it back and we watched him walk off muttering with his head down about how he felt so stupid. Yeah, buddy, I bet you do.
To make this story even funnier (funny now, not funny then. Actually it was even kind of funny then) C’s reason for signing up for the Business Program at our college is so that he and his buddy can open up their own Pawn Shop! So one could say that he was simply stocking inventory, not stealing.
It remains to be seen whether C will show up for Financial Aid and Orientation tomorrow. With all the phone hubbub I forgot to remind him about his appointments, silly me.
I frequently meet with students who display characteristics similar to C. Been in trouble with the law, quiet, ask the same questions twice, head outside to their car to smoke frequently, cant follow simple instructions like “wait for me here.” However in retrospect these things were warning signs of what would happen at my desk.
Many admissions representatives had attempted to get C to come in for a campus visit in the past, including myself. He had no-showed quite a few times so when I called him yesterday I was surprised to hear him say that he wanted to come in that very day and that he was so sorry he missed his last appointment. (He was probably busy stealing cars and punching old ladies in the face.)
C made quite a few excuses to go out to his car through the interview and enrollment process and I assumed it was to smoke. He might have been smoking something other than cigarettes because he frequently would ask the same questions more than once. After my Director met with C, I left him at my desk so I could go make copies and let Financial Aid know that he would be coming over to sit with them. I left C at my desk, with my iphone plugged in on the right hand side and my purse sitting in the cabinet unlocked. While most everything else after this point went incredibly badly for poor C, this opportunity was perfect and he took the phone. I have left that phone plugged in on my desk in front of every student who has ever come to meet with me, so I suppose this was bound to happen but I am simply shocked by C’s actions. How in the world is the likely $20 profit from the phone worth the moral implications of theft against someone who has been so helpful!? I mean, he indicated he was hungry and I brought him Pizza from Orientation for God’s sake!!! I felt like Giselle in Enchanted when she sits down all sweet and cuddly with that old man on the street and he smiles then takes her tiara off her head and runs away. “You…..Are not a very nice old man!!”
While C met with Financial Aid to size up David’s cubicle for more possible loot, I was back at my desk looking for my phone. I quickly determined that I hadn’t taken it anywhere, it was not at the desk and therefore C had taken it. My Director went with me to the FA office, and from the cube next to David’s we called my phone. Now the phone was on silent but I was hoping I could hear it buzz. Oh was I ever in luck, not only did it buzz, but C, being the not so savvy criminal that he is, pulled the thing out of his pocket to silence the buzzing. All this I witnessed as I casually walked by!! So now I had the evidence but needed to determine my move.
The Director of the school advised that we could not accuse him (even though it was IN HIS HANDS) so I walked back over and simply asked him if he accidentally picked the phone up. Well now I have never seen someone’s eyes expand to the circumference that his did at that moment. He is lucky those things didn’t pop right out of his head while he answered that no, he just had his own phone. This is when he pulled his own phone out of the pocket that my phone had been in when I walked by. So C must have panicked when he saw me stroll by and decided the best way to not get busted was to simply move the phone to a different pocket.
At this point I realized that I was actually going to have to let this punk walk out the door and go home with my phone and there was nothing what so ever I could do about it. Off he went into the horizon, the proud owner of my cute little iphone with all my PETA and Disney apps in its case that my friend Becca gave me. I knew I would never see it again and was already dreading the craptastic flip phone from 1989 I would have to buy to replace it because I can not bring myself to buy a new iphone at retail!
As soon as C walked out of the building, my phone started going to voicemail when everyone called it. I guess he didn’t want to talk to my friends, how rude. Cristy came up to the school to assist in the investigation but more to prevent the melt down she predicted over this phone situation. We called the police and had my service suspended on the phone. When the police man (I am going to call him Frank but in reality I didn’t get his name which I feel really badly about because I would like to write him a thank you letter) arrived I gave him the whole story along with all of the contact information that we had for C. Frank called C’s home phone, where C lives with his Mom, so his Mom answered the call. Mom gave Frank C’s cell phone number so we could call him on that line. So guys, get this, C ANSWERED the phone and spoke to Frank! It was unbelievable. The conversation went something like this:
Frank: “I want you to think very carefully about how you answer this question because the consequences could be severe. Did you accidentally pick up a cell phone when you visited Brown Mackie College today?”
C: “Yes, I did.”
Frank: “Bring the phone back up to the school now and you will not get in trouble.”
C: “Ok, I was already on my way to bring it back, but I am scared because I don’t want to have to see Ann.” (GUILT!)
Frank: “Well dude, you are just going to have to man-up and do it.”
Well of course I assumed he was just trying to get Frank off the phone, but maybe, just maybe, he would bring that phone back to me!! We waited, we paced, we took bets, we examined every car that came into the parking lot (by the way, sorry to the chick that was picking up her boyfriend from classes, you probably felt uncomfortable when you pulled up and two girls and a cop pointed and studied your car and demeanor wondering if you were C’s girlfriend sent in his place. That must have been awkward.)
Soon enough, lo and behold C drove up with my phone, got out of his car, and handed that thing right back to me!! I couldn’t believe it. He apologized for the “accident” because my phone “fell into his books” of which he had none, and said he thought my phone was his, even though he then had two phones. Whatever, I thanked him for bringing it back and we watched him walk off muttering with his head down about how he felt so stupid. Yeah, buddy, I bet you do.
To make this story even funnier (funny now, not funny then. Actually it was even kind of funny then) C’s reason for signing up for the Business Program at our college is so that he and his buddy can open up their own Pawn Shop! So one could say that he was simply stocking inventory, not stealing.
It remains to be seen whether C will show up for Financial Aid and Orientation tomorrow. With all the phone hubbub I forgot to remind him about his appointments, silly me.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Admissions
Frustrations in Admissions Part Whatever
(I don't care what part it should be...I'm frustrated)
There are new people on our team; new people in admissions always start off well. They come in all guns blazin’ like Sarah Palin on crack and for some reason kick ass their first few months. It’s incredibly annoying. It is extra annoying due to the following reasons.
Competition for leads is on par with the battles in the Triwizard Tournament. Internally we compete against each other for the inquiries like wolves who have been starved for a week, viciously ripping the pages as we fly through our call lists. Our rep room used to be like a basket of kittens with full tummies – all sharing and considerate of each other…that is, until the leads dried up. We have a new system whereby one half o f the team gets leads and the other half has to scavenge the jungle of disconnected numbers and angry folks who have been called 989 times in the last two days.
Externally, we compete with the thousands of other schools these students have as options. It’s like a ridiculous episode of the Bachelor and we are a bunch of desperate, lonely, attention starved, hungry girls begging for the attention of one douche bag. It reminds me of Sorority Rush. Pick me, pick us, we are the best, we have x, y and z. If we dance while we show you the brochure will you pick us!?
Things will seem better if/when I am finally able to get back in the top tier and am fed some leads. Today I thought I might climb out of the bottom of the bucket by having some appointments show up so that I can be rewarded with leads. However all four of my appointments no-showed so I was viciously flicked back to the bottom again. I love my job when I actually feel like I am helping people change their lives. For now I will have to sit here in my cube like the runt who can’t reach the teat watching everyone else eat. It’s a sad, sad scene!
(I don't care what part it should be...I'm frustrated)
There are new people on our team; new people in admissions always start off well. They come in all guns blazin’ like Sarah Palin on crack and for some reason kick ass their first few months. It’s incredibly annoying. It is extra annoying due to the following reasons.
Competition for leads is on par with the battles in the Triwizard Tournament. Internally we compete against each other for the inquiries like wolves who have been starved for a week, viciously ripping the pages as we fly through our call lists. Our rep room used to be like a basket of kittens with full tummies – all sharing and considerate of each other…that is, until the leads dried up. We have a new system whereby one half o f the team gets leads and the other half has to scavenge the jungle of disconnected numbers and angry folks who have been called 989 times in the last two days.
Externally, we compete with the thousands of other schools these students have as options. It’s like a ridiculous episode of the Bachelor and we are a bunch of desperate, lonely, attention starved, hungry girls begging for the attention of one douche bag. It reminds me of Sorority Rush. Pick me, pick us, we are the best, we have x, y and z. If we dance while we show you the brochure will you pick us!?
Things will seem better if/when I am finally able to get back in the top tier and am fed some leads. Today I thought I might climb out of the bottom of the bucket by having some appointments show up so that I can be rewarded with leads. However all four of my appointments no-showed so I was viciously flicked back to the bottom again. I love my job when I actually feel like I am helping people change their lives. For now I will have to sit here in my cube like the runt who can’t reach the teat watching everyone else eat. It’s a sad, sad scene!
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Disney World Tips
Ann’s Disney Tips
I am frequently asked to help friends plan Disney trips of their own. This I LOVE so please NEVER STOP DOING IT!! However I have found that many times I am racking my brain to make sure I don’t forget anything so I decided it would be prudent to create a list of my most important tips. Now, there are a million books and resources for planning Disney vacations and I do not wish to imply that you can not find my tips in those comprehensive guides, however unless you are like me and you actually enjoy reading those cover to cover (which I doubt) then this list can give you a good way to start the planning process more quickly.
Do be reminded that personal preferences come into play when planning a Disney vacation. Your own family’s needs and values might be different from mine so additional research somewhere like allears.net or the Disney Website itself can ensure you don’t miss something you might enjoy. For example some little ones might take pleasure in the quiet paths and play areas of Tom Sawyer’s Island, whereas I believe it to be less exciting than waiting in line for Peter Pan. Additionally, I don’t like things that spin, so keep that in mind!
• First choice to make is a resort. All of the Disney resorts have the things that make staying on Disney property totally worth it. First of all there is free transportation to and from the airport. It is called Disney's Magical Express and you make the arrangements when you book your vacation. It is fabulous. Easy and fabulous, and ensures you get the Disney treatment from the moment you step off of the plane! Also, there will be free and convenient transportation all around the Disney Property, which is why you won’t really need a car rental unless you plan to leave Disney property. There is really no need to leave; it is called Disney WORLD for a reason! The only reason I can think of is to buy gum (they don’t sell it, so bring it with you if you are a gum addict or have stinky breath,) or to go to another Theme Park like Universal but why in Walt’s name you would you do that? Seriously, why? Also, in staying on Disney Property you benefit from Extra Magic Hours which means that people staying in a Disney resort get into one of the parks early or can stay late each day. My favorite benefit is never having to leave Disneyness and remaining submerged in the magic and that famous customer service the entire time you are vacationing. You will go to bed and wake up with a smile on your face! I absolutely love hanging by a themed pool riddled with detail and character while having a drink at the pool bar. Talking to people from other places and goofing around with those bar tenders with the sun beating on my back has provided me with some truly priceless memories. The newest and perhaps most significant benefit to staying on property is utilizing the Magic Bands. Magic Bands have replaced room keys, so they open your room, act as your park ticket, allow you charging privileges with just a touch of the band, and lastly let you pre-plan your Fast Passes (more about the Magic Bands and new Fastpass+ to follow.)
• Disney breaks down the resorts by price: Value Resort - I like All Star Music but by far the most magical Value Resort is the new Art of Animation Resort. It consists of mostly suites but has some regular rooms as well. The theming here is above and beyond while the food in the Quick Service Restaurant is inventive and tasty. Moderate Resort - I have trouble deciding between my favorites in this category!! All are gorgeous, however we did find this time that Coronado Springs (being a convention hotel) offers more for adults while still being extremely kid friendly. Fewer kids meant it was quieter and ultimately for us, less crowded. Moderate resorts have a few more amenities like Table Service restaurants and pool slides. Additionally the themeing is just a little more immersive; you feel like you are in another place! The Deluxe Resorts are the best of the best. Each has quite a few restaurants and the themeing is beyond amazing. Even if you don’t stay at a Deluxe resort do try to visit one or eat there at some point because they are breathtaking. (From your resort you can take a bus to any theme park and then get a bus to the other resorts.) Of the Deluxe my favorites are Animal Kingdom Lodge, Polynesian and the Boardwalk. If you have a large group, there are Family Suites in the All Star Music and Art of Animation or there are cabins at Ft Wilderness which tend to be nice for larger parties and those with kids who need to be able to nap separately.
• Budgeting - everyone has their own approach to budgets. Personally I utilize a spreadsheet beforehand to organize my upcoming expenses. One of our favorite ways to control spending is to purchase Disney Gift Cards for our spending money. This way, every time we purchase something we receive a receipt which gives us our remaining balance on the gift card. That allows for a realistic look at our purchases for the trip.
• If you decide to drive to The World, parking will be free at your resort and then you can utilize all the Disney Transportation after you arrive. “Just sit back, relax, and let us do the driving.” That’s what they really say on the buses…it’s sad that I know that, Anyway…
• Although you can get anything you need at Disney World you might not necessarily want to pay the Disney Prices! I always bring breakfast bars, bottled waters, soda, beer, trail mix, snacks, apples (an apple costs like $3,) etc. This minimizes expenses and helps you not feel like you have to eat huge meals three times a day. It also can save you time allowing you to snack in line for a ride rather than wait in a line at a quick service restaurant, or to eat a bar on the bus ride over rather than fighting with the crowds in your resort Quick Service Restaurant. Disney has a dining plan you can purchase but I don’t usually like to do this because I feel like you end up with too much food. However some big families can definitely save by taking this option. I usually plan on one big meal, one small meal and a snack each day. If you are driving down then by all means bring some alcoholic beverages of your choice. These quickly add up! I figure I save $15 per day on bottled water alone by refilling my water bottles at water fountains. Contrary to popular belief you can bring any food or drink items (other than alcohol) with you into the parks so pack small coolers and ice packs accordingly.
• Dining reservations (ADRs or Advance Dining Reservations) - definitely make these if you want to have a couple of sit down meals (which I highly suggest.) I always book a Character Meal. This way you are sure to get those priceless pictures with the characters without having to wait in the lines to see them at the parks (Characters don’t just wander around the theme parks, they would get mobbed.) Depending on which characters your family likes: Crystal Palace has Pooh, O’hana has Lilo and Stitch, 1900 Park Fare has Alice, Belle, Mary Poppins, Chef Mickey’s has the classic Disney characters, Akerhaus has a Princess buffet and the Royal Table in Cinderella’s castle has all the princesses but you usually have to book that one 180 days in advance because it is so popular. My favorite Restaurant at Disney is a buffet (not with characters, though) called Boma at Animal Kingdom Lodge. AMAZING food. I also like the Sci-Fi Dine in Restaurant at Hollywood Studios, and there is some superb food to be had from around the world in the World Showcase section at Epcot. Allears.net has the Menus of EVERY restaurant from Victoria and Alberts to the snack cart in Liberty Square so if you have picky eaters in your group this can be extremely helpful. Disney divides restaurants into Quick Service (basically fast food, counter service) and Table Service (sit down restaurants with a server, tip involved.)
• I always upgrade my Park Tickets to be "Park Hopper" which means you can jump around throughout the day from park to park. This comes in handy for a number of reasons, and really lets you customize your trip based on crowds, parades, nap times, ride preferences and Extra Magic Hours. Definitely take advantage of getting to the parks right when they open if you can, this way you have one to two hours of virtually no lines until it gets crowded. Then you can take a rest at your room or the pool during the busiest part of the day (noon to about 3 or 4.) Also, Magic Kingdom has an opening show that is NOT to be missed. (I may or may not cry every time.)
• Fast Passes - use them, love them! The Fast Pass system has undergone big changes due to the Magic Bands. The old fast pass system allowed you to retrieve a Fast Pass from a kiosk next to the ride and return at the designated time on that pass to walk right onto the ride. There was no limit but you could not have a new Fast Pass until the time frame on your current pass had expired. The new system is called Fast Pass+ which allows you to pre-plan up to 3 fast passes per day. They can only be in one park, so it makes sense if you plan to park hop to reserve those fast passes for the second park you will visit, as the first park you visit you should arrive in the morning before the crowds erupt and can pass through those lines relatively quickly. If you are NOT staying on property it is extremely important to get to the park when it opens as you have to reserve your time slots at a kiosk in the park. The first kiosk you see will likely be the most crowded with the longest line, so it would be prudent to ask a Cast Member (Disney World Employee) where the other ones are located and head there. You will wait in line there to have a Cast Member assist you adding those fast passes to your park ticket to be used later in the day. If you ARE staying on property, good news. You can choose your Fast Passes far ahead of time through the My Disney Experience App, or have a Cast Member at the Concierge in your hotel reserve them for you, saving yourself valuable park time. Now, I have heard quite a bit of criticism of this new process, however the only one I find to be valid is that the kinks in the process as well as the glitches in the app are still prevalent this early on. But I have no doubt that Disney is addressing these and additionally Cast Members were extremely willing to help us with a few issues we encountered in a timely matter. The new system is going to be great for those folks who, unlike myself, haven't studied and mastered the various ways to avoid lines, and thus will be able to plan their Must-Dos ahead of time. Also the new system prevents one from having to go to a ride, retrieve the Fast Pass, and return back to the same spot later on. With the Fast Pass+ the guest only need visit that ride/area once. I am happy with it and excited about Disney's commitment to advancing guest experiences through technology.
• Waterparks and More Ticket Option - I usually do not add this. There is simply so much to do other than the theme parks (visiting other resorts, Downtown Disney, Pool, etc) that you don’t need to have the waterparks unless someone in your family is a HUGE waterpark fan.
• Water Bottles/Mugs - buy water bottles once or bring them with you and then fill them up in the water fountains. I have seen families with a water bottle for each person with their name and a Disney Character on them, to make them seem more exciting! Additionally at your resort you can get a refillable mug (cost depends on the length of stay, maxing out at about $17) for Soda and Coffee which is useful for members of your family who will drink a lot of those items. I don’t buy one because I don’t drink Coffee or Soda, and keep in mind that you can only fill them for free at your resort, not the parks!
• Take Ponchos, rain can pop up and umbrellas are too hard to navigate in the crowds. They can also be used to cover up a stroller that is left outside at one of the stroller parking areas while you ride so your stroller doesn’t get drenched!
• I absolutely can NOT wear any shoes other than gym shoes for walking around The World and I highly recommend extremely comfortable shoes. That being said you might benefit from a lesson I learned my last visit. Bring TWO pairs of gym shoes. My first pair got absolutely soaked during a torrential down pour and they were not even close to dry the next day. Two consecutive days of walking in wet shoes inflicted blisters which I shouldn’t describe but the pain is etched in my memory. It felt like I was wearing needle shoes.
• Attire - I usually wear shorts or jeans and a tee shirt, sometimes a sun dress or something a little more dressy at night; however you really don't need ANYTHING dressy unless you plan to eat at Victoria and Albert's or another fancy restaurant. Most spots are very casual as this is a family resort complex with an emphasis on fun rather than formality. However keep in mind this is Disney World, not Kings Island. At the risk of sounding snobby, it costs quite a bit of money to vacation here so you are unlikely to see many bare midriffs or muscle shirts if you know what I mean. Lets call it Classy Casual.
• Fireworks - the Wishes show at the Magic Kingdom (along with a new show projected on the castle right before hand) are not to be missed!! Fantasmic is a technically fantastic and moving show but crowds are difficult and you have to get there very early. If you have little ones you might want to skip this. Illuminations at Epcot is touching and a must-do for me.
• Shows - I tend to shy away from dinner shows and anything that costs extra like Cirque du Soleil, simply because I am usually so busy taking in all the Disney detail that I don't want to pay extra for something when I could be having just as much fun at a park or playing Disney trivia activities offered at the hotel pool. However I have read that the Hoop de Doo Review is an amazing family experience. Something that I do highly recommend is YeHaa Bob at the River's Roost at Disney's Port Orleans Riverside. This show is completely free. Yes, you read that right, FREE! You do have the option of buying drinks and appetizers in the River's Roost Lounge however there is no charge to sit at the tables and watch Bob put on a magical show which will have children and even the grumpiest adults doing the hokey pokey within an hour. Check Bob's facebook or his website to find the nights he will be performing. You will be very happy that you did!
• Downtown Disney – least busy during the day, very crowded at night, but the World Of Disney store has everything you could ever need Disney related and has to be seen to be believed. There are also many excellent restaurants and specialty shops here (including a vegan bakery) and this area is a great way to spend an evening! No theme park tickets required!!
NOTE: If you become overwhelmed with the size, noise and crowds of the Downtown Disney area the Boardwalk Hotel is a wonderful nightime alternative. This smaller version of the Atlantic City walk of the same name is high on charm and low on crowds. They have restaurants, a piano bar, dance club, bakery, carnival style games, shops and a wide array of family activities like carts or boats for rent.
• These are the rides that I DO NOT MISS:
- Magic Kingdom: Space Mountain, Monsters Inc Laugh Floor, Carousel of Progress, Peter Pan, Small World, Little Mermaid, Haunted Mansion, Splash Mountain, Thunder Mountain, Pirates of the Caribbean, Jungle Cruise, Wishes Nighttime Spectacular, Buzz Lightyear SpaceRanger Spin
- Epcot: Spaceship Earth, Ellen’s Energy Adventure, The Seas with Nemo and Friends, Turtle Talk with Crush, Test Track, Soarin, The American Adventure. I love to stroll through World Showcase (“The Countries” as we used to call it) to eat, have drinks, shop and soak in all of the detail. Illuminations – One of my FAVORITE things to do.
- Disney’s Hollywood Studios: Toy Story Mania, Studio Backlot Tour, Tower of Terror, Rockin Roller Coaster, Beauty and the Beast show, Great Movie Ride, Lights Motors Action Extreme Stunt Show, Muppet Vision 3D
NOTE: if you plan to ride Toy Story Mania (which you must, fun for ALL ages) then be certain to reserve a Fast Pass or head there first thing when the park opens as it is notorious for lines up to 2 hours long.
- Animal Kingdom: Festival of the Lion King, Finding Nemo the Musical, Kilimanjaro Safari, Tough to be a Bug, Expedition Everest, Kali River Rapids ( you will get DRENCHED,) Dinosaur, Either the Maharajah Jungle Trek or the Pangani Forest Trails
• Tip for Epcot’s Illuminations: I always arrive at my seating location at least an hour before the show. I prefer the Beer Gardens in the United Kingdom Pavilion. I grab a table by the water or wait for one of those to open and snag it. Camp out here to people watch, send members of the party off to shop and walk around, eat, drink beer or beverage of your choice, pop into the pub to see what kind of entertainment they have in there, and just enjoy the views over the lake. Then take your time heading out of the park afterwards, it isn’t worth it to run when you are that tired at the end of the day. Buses will continue to come for a long time after the park closes
• Hidden Mickeys - Cristy's favorite thing to do is search for Hidden Mickeys. They are everywhere, in the rides, resorts, stores, landscape and restaurants and while you can buy a book which leads you to them, we have found it is much more fun to keep track of them as we find them on every trip in a special notebook. They can be large or small, obvious or conspicuous, so keep your eyes peeled as you go!
• Last but not least, RELAX! This is a vacation; don’t feel like you have to do everything because you will only be disappointed. There isn’t enough time in a month to do everything at Walt Disney World so take time to enjoy your family, drink in the sights and sounds, and notice the detail Disney has injected into every square inch of that place. There are little treasures and treats to be found if you take the time to look!
Have a MAGICAL day!!
I am frequently asked to help friends plan Disney trips of their own. This I LOVE so please NEVER STOP DOING IT!! However I have found that many times I am racking my brain to make sure I don’t forget anything so I decided it would be prudent to create a list of my most important tips. Now, there are a million books and resources for planning Disney vacations and I do not wish to imply that you can not find my tips in those comprehensive guides, however unless you are like me and you actually enjoy reading those cover to cover (which I doubt) then this list can give you a good way to start the planning process more quickly.
Do be reminded that personal preferences come into play when planning a Disney vacation. Your own family’s needs and values might be different from mine so additional research somewhere like allears.net or the Disney Website itself can ensure you don’t miss something you might enjoy. For example some little ones might take pleasure in the quiet paths and play areas of Tom Sawyer’s Island, whereas I believe it to be less exciting than waiting in line for Peter Pan. Additionally, I don’t like things that spin, so keep that in mind!
• First choice to make is a resort. All of the Disney resorts have the things that make staying on Disney property totally worth it. First of all there is free transportation to and from the airport. It is called Disney's Magical Express and you make the arrangements when you book your vacation. It is fabulous. Easy and fabulous, and ensures you get the Disney treatment from the moment you step off of the plane! Also, there will be free and convenient transportation all around the Disney Property, which is why you won’t really need a car rental unless you plan to leave Disney property. There is really no need to leave; it is called Disney WORLD for a reason! The only reason I can think of is to buy gum (they don’t sell it, so bring it with you if you are a gum addict or have stinky breath,) or to go to another Theme Park like Universal but why in Walt’s name you would you do that? Seriously, why? Also, in staying on Disney Property you benefit from Extra Magic Hours which means that people staying in a Disney resort get into one of the parks early or can stay late each day. My favorite benefit is never having to leave Disneyness and remaining submerged in the magic and that famous customer service the entire time you are vacationing. You will go to bed and wake up with a smile on your face! I absolutely love hanging by a themed pool riddled with detail and character while having a drink at the pool bar. Talking to people from other places and goofing around with those bar tenders with the sun beating on my back has provided me with some truly priceless memories. The newest and perhaps most significant benefit to staying on property is utilizing the Magic Bands. Magic Bands have replaced room keys, so they open your room, act as your park ticket, allow you charging privileges with just a touch of the band, and lastly let you pre-plan your Fast Passes (more about the Magic Bands and new Fastpass+ to follow.)
• Disney breaks down the resorts by price: Value Resort - I like All Star Music but by far the most magical Value Resort is the new Art of Animation Resort. It consists of mostly suites but has some regular rooms as well. The theming here is above and beyond while the food in the Quick Service Restaurant is inventive and tasty. Moderate Resort - I have trouble deciding between my favorites in this category!! All are gorgeous, however we did find this time that Coronado Springs (being a convention hotel) offers more for adults while still being extremely kid friendly. Fewer kids meant it was quieter and ultimately for us, less crowded. Moderate resorts have a few more amenities like Table Service restaurants and pool slides. Additionally the themeing is just a little more immersive; you feel like you are in another place! The Deluxe Resorts are the best of the best. Each has quite a few restaurants and the themeing is beyond amazing. Even if you don’t stay at a Deluxe resort do try to visit one or eat there at some point because they are breathtaking. (From your resort you can take a bus to any theme park and then get a bus to the other resorts.) Of the Deluxe my favorites are Animal Kingdom Lodge, Polynesian and the Boardwalk. If you have a large group, there are Family Suites in the All Star Music and Art of Animation or there are cabins at Ft Wilderness which tend to be nice for larger parties and those with kids who need to be able to nap separately.
• Budgeting - everyone has their own approach to budgets. Personally I utilize a spreadsheet beforehand to organize my upcoming expenses. One of our favorite ways to control spending is to purchase Disney Gift Cards for our spending money. This way, every time we purchase something we receive a receipt which gives us our remaining balance on the gift card. That allows for a realistic look at our purchases for the trip.
• If you decide to drive to The World, parking will be free at your resort and then you can utilize all the Disney Transportation after you arrive. “Just sit back, relax, and let us do the driving.” That’s what they really say on the buses…it’s sad that I know that, Anyway…
• Although you can get anything you need at Disney World you might not necessarily want to pay the Disney Prices! I always bring breakfast bars, bottled waters, soda, beer, trail mix, snacks, apples (an apple costs like $3,) etc. This minimizes expenses and helps you not feel like you have to eat huge meals three times a day. It also can save you time allowing you to snack in line for a ride rather than wait in a line at a quick service restaurant, or to eat a bar on the bus ride over rather than fighting with the crowds in your resort Quick Service Restaurant. Disney has a dining plan you can purchase but I don’t usually like to do this because I feel like you end up with too much food. However some big families can definitely save by taking this option. I usually plan on one big meal, one small meal and a snack each day. If you are driving down then by all means bring some alcoholic beverages of your choice. These quickly add up! I figure I save $15 per day on bottled water alone by refilling my water bottles at water fountains. Contrary to popular belief you can bring any food or drink items (other than alcohol) with you into the parks so pack small coolers and ice packs accordingly.
• Dining reservations (ADRs or Advance Dining Reservations) - definitely make these if you want to have a couple of sit down meals (which I highly suggest.) I always book a Character Meal. This way you are sure to get those priceless pictures with the characters without having to wait in the lines to see them at the parks (Characters don’t just wander around the theme parks, they would get mobbed.) Depending on which characters your family likes: Crystal Palace has Pooh, O’hana has Lilo and Stitch, 1900 Park Fare has Alice, Belle, Mary Poppins, Chef Mickey’s has the classic Disney characters, Akerhaus has a Princess buffet and the Royal Table in Cinderella’s castle has all the princesses but you usually have to book that one 180 days in advance because it is so popular. My favorite Restaurant at Disney is a buffet (not with characters, though) called Boma at Animal Kingdom Lodge. AMAZING food. I also like the Sci-Fi Dine in Restaurant at Hollywood Studios, and there is some superb food to be had from around the world in the World Showcase section at Epcot. Allears.net has the Menus of EVERY restaurant from Victoria and Alberts to the snack cart in Liberty Square so if you have picky eaters in your group this can be extremely helpful. Disney divides restaurants into Quick Service (basically fast food, counter service) and Table Service (sit down restaurants with a server, tip involved.)
• I always upgrade my Park Tickets to be "Park Hopper" which means you can jump around throughout the day from park to park. This comes in handy for a number of reasons, and really lets you customize your trip based on crowds, parades, nap times, ride preferences and Extra Magic Hours. Definitely take advantage of getting to the parks right when they open if you can, this way you have one to two hours of virtually no lines until it gets crowded. Then you can take a rest at your room or the pool during the busiest part of the day (noon to about 3 or 4.) Also, Magic Kingdom has an opening show that is NOT to be missed. (I may or may not cry every time.)
• Fast Passes - use them, love them! The Fast Pass system has undergone big changes due to the Magic Bands. The old fast pass system allowed you to retrieve a Fast Pass from a kiosk next to the ride and return at the designated time on that pass to walk right onto the ride. There was no limit but you could not have a new Fast Pass until the time frame on your current pass had expired. The new system is called Fast Pass+ which allows you to pre-plan up to 3 fast passes per day. They can only be in one park, so it makes sense if you plan to park hop to reserve those fast passes for the second park you will visit, as the first park you visit you should arrive in the morning before the crowds erupt and can pass through those lines relatively quickly. If you are NOT staying on property it is extremely important to get to the park when it opens as you have to reserve your time slots at a kiosk in the park. The first kiosk you see will likely be the most crowded with the longest line, so it would be prudent to ask a Cast Member (Disney World Employee) where the other ones are located and head there. You will wait in line there to have a Cast Member assist you adding those fast passes to your park ticket to be used later in the day. If you ARE staying on property, good news. You can choose your Fast Passes far ahead of time through the My Disney Experience App, or have a Cast Member at the Concierge in your hotel reserve them for you, saving yourself valuable park time. Now, I have heard quite a bit of criticism of this new process, however the only one I find to be valid is that the kinks in the process as well as the glitches in the app are still prevalent this early on. But I have no doubt that Disney is addressing these and additionally Cast Members were extremely willing to help us with a few issues we encountered in a timely matter. The new system is going to be great for those folks who, unlike myself, haven't studied and mastered the various ways to avoid lines, and thus will be able to plan their Must-Dos ahead of time. Also the new system prevents one from having to go to a ride, retrieve the Fast Pass, and return back to the same spot later on. With the Fast Pass+ the guest only need visit that ride/area once. I am happy with it and excited about Disney's commitment to advancing guest experiences through technology.
• Waterparks and More Ticket Option - I usually do not add this. There is simply so much to do other than the theme parks (visiting other resorts, Downtown Disney, Pool, etc) that you don’t need to have the waterparks unless someone in your family is a HUGE waterpark fan.
• Water Bottles/Mugs - buy water bottles once or bring them with you and then fill them up in the water fountains. I have seen families with a water bottle for each person with their name and a Disney Character on them, to make them seem more exciting! Additionally at your resort you can get a refillable mug (cost depends on the length of stay, maxing out at about $17) for Soda and Coffee which is useful for members of your family who will drink a lot of those items. I don’t buy one because I don’t drink Coffee or Soda, and keep in mind that you can only fill them for free at your resort, not the parks!
• Take Ponchos, rain can pop up and umbrellas are too hard to navigate in the crowds. They can also be used to cover up a stroller that is left outside at one of the stroller parking areas while you ride so your stroller doesn’t get drenched!
• I absolutely can NOT wear any shoes other than gym shoes for walking around The World and I highly recommend extremely comfortable shoes. That being said you might benefit from a lesson I learned my last visit. Bring TWO pairs of gym shoes. My first pair got absolutely soaked during a torrential down pour and they were not even close to dry the next day. Two consecutive days of walking in wet shoes inflicted blisters which I shouldn’t describe but the pain is etched in my memory. It felt like I was wearing needle shoes.
• Attire - I usually wear shorts or jeans and a tee shirt, sometimes a sun dress or something a little more dressy at night; however you really don't need ANYTHING dressy unless you plan to eat at Victoria and Albert's or another fancy restaurant. Most spots are very casual as this is a family resort complex with an emphasis on fun rather than formality. However keep in mind this is Disney World, not Kings Island. At the risk of sounding snobby, it costs quite a bit of money to vacation here so you are unlikely to see many bare midriffs or muscle shirts if you know what I mean. Lets call it Classy Casual.
• Fireworks - the Wishes show at the Magic Kingdom (along with a new show projected on the castle right before hand) are not to be missed!! Fantasmic is a technically fantastic and moving show but crowds are difficult and you have to get there very early. If you have little ones you might want to skip this. Illuminations at Epcot is touching and a must-do for me.
• Shows - I tend to shy away from dinner shows and anything that costs extra like Cirque du Soleil, simply because I am usually so busy taking in all the Disney detail that I don't want to pay extra for something when I could be having just as much fun at a park or playing Disney trivia activities offered at the hotel pool. However I have read that the Hoop de Doo Review is an amazing family experience. Something that I do highly recommend is YeHaa Bob at the River's Roost at Disney's Port Orleans Riverside. This show is completely free. Yes, you read that right, FREE! You do have the option of buying drinks and appetizers in the River's Roost Lounge however there is no charge to sit at the tables and watch Bob put on a magical show which will have children and even the grumpiest adults doing the hokey pokey within an hour. Check Bob's facebook or his website to find the nights he will be performing. You will be very happy that you did!
• Downtown Disney – least busy during the day, very crowded at night, but the World Of Disney store has everything you could ever need Disney related and has to be seen to be believed. There are also many excellent restaurants and specialty shops here (including a vegan bakery) and this area is a great way to spend an evening! No theme park tickets required!!
NOTE: If you become overwhelmed with the size, noise and crowds of the Downtown Disney area the Boardwalk Hotel is a wonderful nightime alternative. This smaller version of the Atlantic City walk of the same name is high on charm and low on crowds. They have restaurants, a piano bar, dance club, bakery, carnival style games, shops and a wide array of family activities like carts or boats for rent.
• These are the rides that I DO NOT MISS:
- Magic Kingdom: Space Mountain, Monsters Inc Laugh Floor, Carousel of Progress, Peter Pan, Small World, Little Mermaid, Haunted Mansion, Splash Mountain, Thunder Mountain, Pirates of the Caribbean, Jungle Cruise, Wishes Nighttime Spectacular, Buzz Lightyear SpaceRanger Spin
- Epcot: Spaceship Earth, Ellen’s Energy Adventure, The Seas with Nemo and Friends, Turtle Talk with Crush, Test Track, Soarin, The American Adventure. I love to stroll through World Showcase (“The Countries” as we used to call it) to eat, have drinks, shop and soak in all of the detail. Illuminations – One of my FAVORITE things to do.
- Disney’s Hollywood Studios: Toy Story Mania, Studio Backlot Tour, Tower of Terror, Rockin Roller Coaster, Beauty and the Beast show, Great Movie Ride, Lights Motors Action Extreme Stunt Show, Muppet Vision 3D
NOTE: if you plan to ride Toy Story Mania (which you must, fun for ALL ages) then be certain to reserve a Fast Pass or head there first thing when the park opens as it is notorious for lines up to 2 hours long.
- Animal Kingdom: Festival of the Lion King, Finding Nemo the Musical, Kilimanjaro Safari, Tough to be a Bug, Expedition Everest, Kali River Rapids ( you will get DRENCHED,) Dinosaur, Either the Maharajah Jungle Trek or the Pangani Forest Trails
• Tip for Epcot’s Illuminations: I always arrive at my seating location at least an hour before the show. I prefer the Beer Gardens in the United Kingdom Pavilion. I grab a table by the water or wait for one of those to open and snag it. Camp out here to people watch, send members of the party off to shop and walk around, eat, drink beer or beverage of your choice, pop into the pub to see what kind of entertainment they have in there, and just enjoy the views over the lake. Then take your time heading out of the park afterwards, it isn’t worth it to run when you are that tired at the end of the day. Buses will continue to come for a long time after the park closes
• Hidden Mickeys - Cristy's favorite thing to do is search for Hidden Mickeys. They are everywhere, in the rides, resorts, stores, landscape and restaurants and while you can buy a book which leads you to them, we have found it is much more fun to keep track of them as we find them on every trip in a special notebook. They can be large or small, obvious or conspicuous, so keep your eyes peeled as you go!
• Last but not least, RELAX! This is a vacation; don’t feel like you have to do everything because you will only be disappointed. There isn’t enough time in a month to do everything at Walt Disney World so take time to enjoy your family, drink in the sights and sounds, and notice the detail Disney has injected into every square inch of that place. There are little treasures and treats to be found if you take the time to look!
Have a MAGICAL day!!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
It's Important, People!!
I have been fighting off the urge to write about the horrors of Factory Farming and the affect on innocent animals who suffer for our convenience so I decided on another issue that people might actually be willing to read about. Heck, it’s already in the news anyway!
Marriage Equality is hanging around in New York like a giant Rainbow Elephant in the Room, being avoided by the Senate and collectively raising the Blood Pressure of Gays and Lesbians in New York and right here in Florence, KY (every step in the right direction is a small victory.) I read and hear so many people comment that Gay Marriage debates and law making are wasting time that could be spent on the Economy, Energy Crisis, Housing Market, Etc.
Perhaps these people are not aware of the impact that not being able to marry has on GLBT families. We don’t want it because we are trying to snatch the pearl of Marriage from traditional families or because we want to be viewed the same way traditional families are (although that would be nice.) We don’t want to change the way marriages are performed in your church. It is just that the issue of legal Marriage Equality AFFECTS us drastically.
It affects our taxes, our bank accounts and our rights. It affects the rights we have to make decisions for our families. It affects our ability to visit our spouse when in the hospital. It affects the results should our family break apart as so many families do, straight and gay. If affects our recognition by the government which in turn affects how much we pay for insurance and other necessary benefits.
This affects me daily. For example, we want to sign Cristy up for Insurance with my company, so we got a Domestic Partnership affidavit form notarized. Were we able to marry then that marriage would constitute a change of status and she could immediately start on my insurance. However the “Partnership” means that we have to wait until open Enrollment (possibly in turn causing a gap in insurance for a Diabetic.) Additionally, since the government does not recognize my partnership as legal, I have to pay income taxes on the presumed benefit our family receives from Cristy’s Insurance. This is just one issue among thousands that gay people have to deal with on a daily basis.
It goes back to a discussion that my Mom and I frequently have. Most people have issues that are important to them based on their own experiences and situations. Everyone (hopefully) votes based on these issues and their relative importance to that individual. Many people want lower taxes until something that they rely on or utilize is taken away…then they complain.
I voted for Barack Obama partly because of his support for the Gay community. Please remember that you are not the only person who voted for that politician and your issues and reasons for choosing them will not be their only focus once they take office. They have to address MY issues as well as everyone else’s as best they can.
I will glitter bomb you if you disagree, or maybe virtually glitter bomb you (please see previous post.)
Marriage Equality is hanging around in New York like a giant Rainbow Elephant in the Room, being avoided by the Senate and collectively raising the Blood Pressure of Gays and Lesbians in New York and right here in Florence, KY (every step in the right direction is a small victory.) I read and hear so many people comment that Gay Marriage debates and law making are wasting time that could be spent on the Economy, Energy Crisis, Housing Market, Etc.
Perhaps these people are not aware of the impact that not being able to marry has on GLBT families. We don’t want it because we are trying to snatch the pearl of Marriage from traditional families or because we want to be viewed the same way traditional families are (although that would be nice.) We don’t want to change the way marriages are performed in your church. It is just that the issue of legal Marriage Equality AFFECTS us drastically.
It affects our taxes, our bank accounts and our rights. It affects the rights we have to make decisions for our families. It affects our ability to visit our spouse when in the hospital. It affects the results should our family break apart as so many families do, straight and gay. If affects our recognition by the government which in turn affects how much we pay for insurance and other necessary benefits.
This affects me daily. For example, we want to sign Cristy up for Insurance with my company, so we got a Domestic Partnership affidavit form notarized. Were we able to marry then that marriage would constitute a change of status and she could immediately start on my insurance. However the “Partnership” means that we have to wait until open Enrollment (possibly in turn causing a gap in insurance for a Diabetic.) Additionally, since the government does not recognize my partnership as legal, I have to pay income taxes on the presumed benefit our family receives from Cristy’s Insurance. This is just one issue among thousands that gay people have to deal with on a daily basis.
It goes back to a discussion that my Mom and I frequently have. Most people have issues that are important to them based on their own experiences and situations. Everyone (hopefully) votes based on these issues and their relative importance to that individual. Many people want lower taxes until something that they rely on or utilize is taken away…then they complain.
I voted for Barack Obama partly because of his support for the Gay community. Please remember that you are not the only person who voted for that politician and your issues and reasons for choosing them will not be their only focus once they take office. They have to address MY issues as well as everyone else’s as best they can.
I will glitter bomb you if you disagree, or maybe virtually glitter bomb you (please see previous post.)
Dilemma
What is a liberal to do!? I WANT to Glitter Bomb someone, but I dont want to litter. Liberal causes in direct conflict with one another!
Who would you like to Glitter Bomb or maybe even Slushie (for the Gleeks out there?)
Who would you like to Glitter Bomb or maybe even Slushie (for the Gleeks out there?)
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Turning Signal
When did the use of the turning signal become optional? This seemingly obvious safety and courtesy precaution when driving has become a rarity. Be it due to laziness or self centeredness I can not understand why people don’t utilize this simple tool.
Usually even when drivers do signal it is simply way too late to be effective. The turning signal ceases to be useful when it is employed AFTER the car is already turning. The sequence of events should go as follows: Spot the upcoming place you would like to turn, turn on the turning signal (Up for right, Down for left,) begin slowing down, turn. It is NOT appropriate to slam on your brakes, begin to turn and then turn on the signal. That is the incorrect sequence of events and the signal is useless except to let you as the driver listen to the turning signal ticking noise.
I love it when someone flicks you off or honks at you for neglecting to let them over when that particular person did not have their signal on to alert you of their intentions to merge. This has led me to become an overly defensive driver, constantly trying to interpret someone’s glance at their mirror or slight movement toward my lane. Being forced to play the “Are they coming over?” game is maddening!!
It’s too bad that everyone isn’t required to have one of those “Tell me how I am driving” Stickers on their car, complete with their cell phone number. I am confident people would be much more likely to pay attention to what they are doing if that were the case!
Let me send caution to the drivers reading this who have neglected your turning signal and plan on using it from now on: Just because you put on the turning signal, that does not automatically give you the right to turn. If there is a car in the way, or it is someone ELSE’S turn to turn at a stop sign, please kindly let them pass first. The turning signal does not give you the all powerful ability to turn as you please, contrary to popular belief.....
Next Chapter: License plate covers – Why are they necessary or legal?
Usually even when drivers do signal it is simply way too late to be effective. The turning signal ceases to be useful when it is employed AFTER the car is already turning. The sequence of events should go as follows: Spot the upcoming place you would like to turn, turn on the turning signal (Up for right, Down for left,) begin slowing down, turn. It is NOT appropriate to slam on your brakes, begin to turn and then turn on the signal. That is the incorrect sequence of events and the signal is useless except to let you as the driver listen to the turning signal ticking noise.
I love it when someone flicks you off or honks at you for neglecting to let them over when that particular person did not have their signal on to alert you of their intentions to merge. This has led me to become an overly defensive driver, constantly trying to interpret someone’s glance at their mirror or slight movement toward my lane. Being forced to play the “Are they coming over?” game is maddening!!
It’s too bad that everyone isn’t required to have one of those “Tell me how I am driving” Stickers on their car, complete with their cell phone number. I am confident people would be much more likely to pay attention to what they are doing if that were the case!
Let me send caution to the drivers reading this who have neglected your turning signal and plan on using it from now on: Just because you put on the turning signal, that does not automatically give you the right to turn. If there is a car in the way, or it is someone ELSE’S turn to turn at a stop sign, please kindly let them pass first. The turning signal does not give you the all powerful ability to turn as you please, contrary to popular belief.....
Next Chapter: License plate covers – Why are they necessary or legal?
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Letter to Walt Disney
Dear Walt,
I know it would never have worked out between us because you are dead, and well, Im gay. But I would love to name my child after you...if Cristy will allow it.
If not, well then I promise to visit your parks every time it is financially possible without damaging my childrens' ability to attend college. OK?
Love forever,
Ann
I know it would never have worked out between us because you are dead, and well, Im gay. But I would love to name my child after you...if Cristy will allow it.
If not, well then I promise to visit your parks every time it is financially possible without damaging my childrens' ability to attend college. OK?
Love forever,
Ann
Monday, May 23, 2011
Don’t Say Gay
According to many organizations’ Firewalls “Gay” is a bad word, in that you can not search for phrases with the word gay lest you set off the firewall security blocker. (This happened to me recently when I searched for Gay Pride in order to find out how to get my employer a publicity booth on the day of the parade.) But now apparently Gay is also a naughty word in Tennessee, as they are working on legislation barring schools from discussing gay historical figures or implying that gay people exist.
One of the biggest arguments against children knowing that gay is a thing (not an insult used to make fun of something that is effeminate or silly) is that children do not know what sex is so they shouldn’t be exposed to the concept of gayness. This argument was used by a “Concerned Women’s Group” against the widely popular use of the “It Gets Better” Campaign and its commercials during prime time television.
I agree that children should not be told about sex until they are mature enough to understand it fully and take on the responsibility that comes with that knowledge. However does that prevent us from allowing them to see heterosexual couples together holding hands? Does it prevent them from being shown straight couples kiss on TV, or from knowing that their parents are a couple? Of course not.
The first thing that people think of when they see a heterosexual couple is usually not sex. However gay people don’t typically have that luxury. Many people, upon seeing a homosexual couple, automatically start thinking about what that couple does in the sack. Like that quote from Philadelphia, Denzel’s character says “That is what this is about, that is what we are all thinking about here, who does what to whom and how they do it.” So in my mind people who assume that kids will equate gayness with sex are simply putting their own judgments onto those children. Children’s awareness of gay people does not mean that they have to know what happens between those people in the bedroom. Sex is a small part of every gay person’s life, not the thing that defines us as who we are.
People will continue to try to wrap their prejudices up and pretend they are something else, but I and many others like me will continue to unwrap those prejudices and show them for what they are.
GAY, GAY, GAY, there I said it, and next time I drive through Tennessee on my way to Florida I am going to make my car into a giant sign that says “Gay, It’s a real thing.”
One of the biggest arguments against children knowing that gay is a thing (not an insult used to make fun of something that is effeminate or silly) is that children do not know what sex is so they shouldn’t be exposed to the concept of gayness. This argument was used by a “Concerned Women’s Group” against the widely popular use of the “It Gets Better” Campaign and its commercials during prime time television.
I agree that children should not be told about sex until they are mature enough to understand it fully and take on the responsibility that comes with that knowledge. However does that prevent us from allowing them to see heterosexual couples together holding hands? Does it prevent them from being shown straight couples kiss on TV, or from knowing that their parents are a couple? Of course not.
The first thing that people think of when they see a heterosexual couple is usually not sex. However gay people don’t typically have that luxury. Many people, upon seeing a homosexual couple, automatically start thinking about what that couple does in the sack. Like that quote from Philadelphia, Denzel’s character says “That is what this is about, that is what we are all thinking about here, who does what to whom and how they do it.” So in my mind people who assume that kids will equate gayness with sex are simply putting their own judgments onto those children. Children’s awareness of gay people does not mean that they have to know what happens between those people in the bedroom. Sex is a small part of every gay person’s life, not the thing that defines us as who we are.
People will continue to try to wrap their prejudices up and pretend they are something else, but I and many others like me will continue to unwrap those prejudices and show them for what they are.
GAY, GAY, GAY, there I said it, and next time I drive through Tennessee on my way to Florida I am going to make my car into a giant sign that says “Gay, It’s a real thing.”
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Muppet Night
On watching Muppets Take Manhattan:
Me: I love that they are able to convince us that people would accept frogs and pigs and animals walking around speaking English and producing musicals or going to college.
Cristy: They would accept it in Sweden, they accept everything there...
Me: I love that they are able to convince us that people would accept frogs and pigs and animals walking around speaking English and producing musicals or going to college.
Cristy: They would accept it in Sweden, they accept everything there...
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Stages of Working Out
The stages of working out:
1. I feel disgusting, I think my blood pressure probably sucks, MUST start working out this very day. If I put it off one more day by making excuses then I no longer qualify as a person with ANY single bit of will power.
2. Join the gym....again. Feel regular gym goers snickering from their machines and wonder what the gym workers are saying behind my fat back. Pay application fee, credit card run fee, restart fee, activation fee and a fee for that watery stuff you spray the machines with.
3. Work out. AAAAHHHHhhhh! I love working out! Working out is the best of all the bestest things I can do! I feel so great afterwards and I have so much motivation!! Why don’t I work out all the time? I feel like a Greek god on steroids who drank five Red Bulls and knows how to fly!!
4. Two weeks into consistently working out. Start to be judgmental towards the people in the Taco Bell drive through as I wiz past them still sweaty from my awesome work out. Have lots more energy so I probably bounce when I walk (is that annoying?)
5. Stage 5 – start to hate the smell of the gym and the people who look way better than me in their workout clothes. Begin forcing myself through the motions and skipping some of the weight machines. See repeats of movies in the workout theater room and curse the club for playing the same movie more than one time.
6. Stage 6 – here come the excuses. I can’t go to the gym tonight because I had such a crappy work day that I know I wont be motivated. Will go tomorrow. Tonight I am going to find someone to go out and have drinks with who I haven’t seen in a while - PERFECT excuse…that person missed me horribly. My toe hurts so I can’t go to the gym. Glee is on tonight (DVR’ed) but still…can’t go. Post on Facebook – does ANYONE want to go get drinks tonight??!!!! Yay, someone does and I don’t have to go to the gym!!!! You see where this goes.
7. This is the beginning of the end of the gym going – I am starting to feel guilty for paying for the gym because my butt never ever goes there. I am not even quite sure how to get there and forget I belong until I see the money come out of my checking account.
Back to stage 1 – I feel disgusting.
I must find a way to break this cycle. I am currently verging on stage 6 and DO NOT want to get there so I need suggestions. I have a very personal reason for being motivated and that is keeping the Stage 6 excuses out of my subconscious, but I can feel them sitting there like little nasty, fat, lazy, taco bell eating monsters, just waiting for a moment of weakness. So any additional advice is appreciated!!!
1. I feel disgusting, I think my blood pressure probably sucks, MUST start working out this very day. If I put it off one more day by making excuses then I no longer qualify as a person with ANY single bit of will power.
2. Join the gym....again. Feel regular gym goers snickering from their machines and wonder what the gym workers are saying behind my fat back. Pay application fee, credit card run fee, restart fee, activation fee and a fee for that watery stuff you spray the machines with.
3. Work out. AAAAHHHHhhhh! I love working out! Working out is the best of all the bestest things I can do! I feel so great afterwards and I have so much motivation!! Why don’t I work out all the time? I feel like a Greek god on steroids who drank five Red Bulls and knows how to fly!!
4. Two weeks into consistently working out. Start to be judgmental towards the people in the Taco Bell drive through as I wiz past them still sweaty from my awesome work out. Have lots more energy so I probably bounce when I walk (is that annoying?)
5. Stage 5 – start to hate the smell of the gym and the people who look way better than me in their workout clothes. Begin forcing myself through the motions and skipping some of the weight machines. See repeats of movies in the workout theater room and curse the club for playing the same movie more than one time.
6. Stage 6 – here come the excuses. I can’t go to the gym tonight because I had such a crappy work day that I know I wont be motivated. Will go tomorrow. Tonight I am going to find someone to go out and have drinks with who I haven’t seen in a while - PERFECT excuse…that person missed me horribly. My toe hurts so I can’t go to the gym. Glee is on tonight (DVR’ed) but still…can’t go. Post on Facebook – does ANYONE want to go get drinks tonight??!!!! Yay, someone does and I don’t have to go to the gym!!!! You see where this goes.
7. This is the beginning of the end of the gym going – I am starting to feel guilty for paying for the gym because my butt never ever goes there. I am not even quite sure how to get there and forget I belong until I see the money come out of my checking account.
Back to stage 1 – I feel disgusting.
I must find a way to break this cycle. I am currently verging on stage 6 and DO NOT want to get there so I need suggestions. I have a very personal reason for being motivated and that is keeping the Stage 6 excuses out of my subconscious, but I can feel them sitting there like little nasty, fat, lazy, taco bell eating monsters, just waiting for a moment of weakness. So any additional advice is appreciated!!!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Angry Wife
So the funniest thing happened on a phone call at work today!
I had called an older lead, a guy named Danny. I called the first number he had supplied and left a message for Danny Jr, based on the voice mail. Then I attempted to reach him on the second number but did not leave a message on that one.
A couple of seconds later I get a return call back from that second number. People cant STAND it when you call and don't leave a message, the curiosity just eats and eats at them until they finally call back. It is great because I can see the number they are calling me from so I know who it is. I answer with "Hello, this is Ann" so that they don't know it is Brown Mackie (otherwise it's an immediate hang up.) They stumble, wonder if they know an "Ann" and then answer with "I must have dialed the wrong number." Now this is the fun part, this is when I say, "oh, is this _______?" They are shocked, SHOCKED that I busted them in their lie. See, see I KNOW that they didnt dial the wrong number, they simply returned my call and they are now trying to get out of talking to me!! Ha! But they all eventually end up hanging up anyway. This happens a good 3 or 4 times a day.
Back to my story. So the lady says "I just missed a call from this number." Already this is different from my normal call backs! I said, yes that I was looking for a Danny Roberts. She said he was not there, and I thanked her and said I would try another time.
Pause, she didnt answer back, and after a few seconds I was almost ready to hang up when she said "Um, excuse me, this is his WIFE!"
Wow. My first thought was "poor him," but instead I replied with "Well, this is Ann from Brown Mackie College and he had requested some information from us so I was calling to see how I could help" using my best fake nice voice.
She contemplated this, realized she had been a giant douche bag, and laughed and told me that I must be looking for Danny Jr, that is her son. Danny Sr is her husband and they are separated.
She thought I was some skank calling her cell phone looking for her husband!! It was all I could do to not laugh as I told her she could have Danny Jr call me if he wanted information on Brown Mackie. She was very nice and thanked me profusely.
The moral of this story is that whenever someone is mean to you, dont get mad, just stay cool! They might just be angry because they assume every female, you included, is banging their husband...
I had called an older lead, a guy named Danny. I called the first number he had supplied and left a message for Danny Jr, based on the voice mail. Then I attempted to reach him on the second number but did not leave a message on that one.
A couple of seconds later I get a return call back from that second number. People cant STAND it when you call and don't leave a message, the curiosity just eats and eats at them until they finally call back. It is great because I can see the number they are calling me from so I know who it is. I answer with "Hello, this is Ann" so that they don't know it is Brown Mackie (otherwise it's an immediate hang up.) They stumble, wonder if they know an "Ann" and then answer with "I must have dialed the wrong number." Now this is the fun part, this is when I say, "oh, is this _______?" They are shocked, SHOCKED that I busted them in their lie. See, see I KNOW that they didnt dial the wrong number, they simply returned my call and they are now trying to get out of talking to me!! Ha! But they all eventually end up hanging up anyway. This happens a good 3 or 4 times a day.
Back to my story. So the lady says "I just missed a call from this number." Already this is different from my normal call backs! I said, yes that I was looking for a Danny Roberts. She said he was not there, and I thanked her and said I would try another time.
Pause, she didnt answer back, and after a few seconds I was almost ready to hang up when she said "Um, excuse me, this is his WIFE!"
Wow. My first thought was "poor him," but instead I replied with "Well, this is Ann from Brown Mackie College and he had requested some information from us so I was calling to see how I could help" using my best fake nice voice.
She contemplated this, realized she had been a giant douche bag, and laughed and told me that I must be looking for Danny Jr, that is her son. Danny Sr is her husband and they are separated.
She thought I was some skank calling her cell phone looking for her husband!! It was all I could do to not laugh as I told her she could have Danny Jr call me if he wanted information on Brown Mackie. She was very nice and thanked me profusely.
The moral of this story is that whenever someone is mean to you, dont get mad, just stay cool! They might just be angry because they assume every female, you included, is banging their husband...
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Lessons from the Ride to Work
As I was driving in to work today I noticed an annoyance on the road. Like a bee inching closer to a comfortable seat at a picnic, a car was slowly creeping up on my bumper…in the SLOW lane. Don’t ask me why, but the closing in of a front fender in my rear view mirror slowly (and in proportion to the closeness of the car) raises my blood pressure. Perhaps it is because I do that thing where I imagine what might happen. I might have to stop suddenly due to someone in front of me stopping suddenly, and this ass hole will ram into me crunching my bumper like tin foil. I will be sitting there rendered unable to turn my head to face her as she runs up to my window screaming “why in the hell did you stop so suddenly you %#@ing &*#@ head!!?” And I won’t even be able to answer that the reason is the same reason that SHE stopped suddenly, that I was too close to the car in front of me. The reason I can’t answer is because her stupid face wont stop yelling at me and trying to punch my windows while I sit in agony realizing I won’t be able to go to the gym for a week because my back and neck are injured.
None of that happened of course I just made it up, which in turn made my blood pressure go up, see?
So, eventually I saw my exit and proceeded to dramatically get off of the highway to make my point that she was too close. She didn’t notice because she was singing and as she drove on past I spotted her bumper stickers. Excellent, I thought, I can read said bumper stickers and consequently judge her as a person based on their contents. As I scanned the back of her car, suddenly EUREKA! I found it. A giant UofL decal! “Typical, no wonder she drives like an ass hole.” I thought to myself.
But almost immediately I realized what I had just done. I had grouped her and made a judgment about her character based on her membership in that group. There is a name for that….oh yes “Prejudice.”
People love to say “all of so and so’s fans are _________.” No they aren’t, they are all individual people cheering for their team. There are the wealthy ones who buy all the over priced team gear, sit in the best seats and can actually get just as out of hand as the country folk. There are the drunken fools who spill beer and yell insults at the ref about everything from their mom to their hair style. There are cute little kids, of all races, ages and class who will become the next generations of fans. We all have bad eggs who make the group as a whole look bad but that is no reason to judge the entire group. There is a small group of Muslims who are extreme terrorists and do awful things, but they are just that, a small group of bad eggs which most Muslims will tell you do NOT represent the groups’ feelings and beliefs.
The only difference between you and someone else is your god given personality combined with the way you were raised. Skin color doesn’t change who a person is inside and neither does the sports team which they happen to root for. It also doesn’t change their driving abilities, that comes from something else entirely.
Prejudice stems from a variety of places, but mostly it is a very ugly learned behavior, passed down through the ages because people have a need to feel better than others. I caught myself doing it today and wanted to call myself out because in discussing ugly behaviors we bring forward the reasons they exist and hopefully make our society more cohesive in the long run.
So, now that I don’t have a simple excuse for the lady who rode my bumper today, I can use my overactive imagination to decipher her reasons for doing so. She was listening to Journey and got a heavy foot picturing herself on Route 66 with the wind in her hair? She has dyslexia and gets confused on whether the far right or far left lane is the fast one? Perhaps she was trying to read MY bumper stickers and form judgments about me? Regardless, I thank her for being an inconsiderate driver because she really made me think today!
None of that happened of course I just made it up, which in turn made my blood pressure go up, see?
So, eventually I saw my exit and proceeded to dramatically get off of the highway to make my point that she was too close. She didn’t notice because she was singing and as she drove on past I spotted her bumper stickers. Excellent, I thought, I can read said bumper stickers and consequently judge her as a person based on their contents. As I scanned the back of her car, suddenly EUREKA! I found it. A giant UofL decal! “Typical, no wonder she drives like an ass hole.” I thought to myself.
But almost immediately I realized what I had just done. I had grouped her and made a judgment about her character based on her membership in that group. There is a name for that….oh yes “Prejudice.”
People love to say “all of so and so’s fans are _________.” No they aren’t, they are all individual people cheering for their team. There are the wealthy ones who buy all the over priced team gear, sit in the best seats and can actually get just as out of hand as the country folk. There are the drunken fools who spill beer and yell insults at the ref about everything from their mom to their hair style. There are cute little kids, of all races, ages and class who will become the next generations of fans. We all have bad eggs who make the group as a whole look bad but that is no reason to judge the entire group. There is a small group of Muslims who are extreme terrorists and do awful things, but they are just that, a small group of bad eggs which most Muslims will tell you do NOT represent the groups’ feelings and beliefs.
The only difference between you and someone else is your god given personality combined with the way you were raised. Skin color doesn’t change who a person is inside and neither does the sports team which they happen to root for. It also doesn’t change their driving abilities, that comes from something else entirely.
Prejudice stems from a variety of places, but mostly it is a very ugly learned behavior, passed down through the ages because people have a need to feel better than others. I caught myself doing it today and wanted to call myself out because in discussing ugly behaviors we bring forward the reasons they exist and hopefully make our society more cohesive in the long run.
So, now that I don’t have a simple excuse for the lady who rode my bumper today, I can use my overactive imagination to decipher her reasons for doing so. She was listening to Journey and got a heavy foot picturing herself on Route 66 with the wind in her hair? She has dyslexia and gets confused on whether the far right or far left lane is the fast one? Perhaps she was trying to read MY bumper stickers and form judgments about me? Regardless, I thank her for being an inconsiderate driver because she really made me think today!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Religious Uniformity!!
Now, at the end of times, when the government is falling to pieces before our very eyes, buildings and churches are burning in flames and lawlessness has run amok so severely that we aren’t safe from ignored doggie poop in our own neighborhoods, NOW is the time to return to the good old days when religion was in bed with the government….literally.
Christians were persecuted during the Roman Empire, so it is time to get justice!! The tables have been turned and there are too many of us now. This will solve all our moral issues in this country because people who are Christian are automatically moral people! They don’t do things wrong. I mean you would never hear of a priest say, molesting anyone. Or of a conservative Christian cheating on his wife in one of those gay sex scandals, no, no no. It just doesn’t happen my friends.
Uh oh, what happens if Christianity no longer becomes the majority religion in this country? Will I have to worship Buddah or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, you ask? Nah, that is the beauty of having government intertwined with religion, we can TELL people to believe what we want them to believe!!
Conversely there are no good people in other religions, they just all bomb stuff with their terror bombs so having a Christian government is certainly the way to go for our country, and well probably every country.
Seems to me that most people will be accepting of this arrangement. So much so that perhaps we should impose our opinions and beliefs on the rest of the world. We will call it the “Great Crusade.” That is “ade” with a long aahh, as in the word façade, so it’s different from that other one, see?
This will allow us to get rid of that pesky gay marriage issue once and for all when the government itself is a Christian one! After all, a same sex marriage and partnership is NOT in God’s plan. God’s plan was to create life and love and then have humans procreate. They would then grow distant enough from God to become sinful. So then the plan was to wipe out all those people with a flood, and again allow humans to procreate, this time to a disturbingly massive number which damages the planet to the point of our own extinction. Then the plan is to take back the rainbow from the gays ( I assume by wiping them all out with another flood on pride day when they are gathered together to fornicate.) Then straight humans can go on overpopulating until I think God will just create another earth! Twin earths, how cool. Gayless twin earths.
The founding fathers meant for this to be a Christian nation with good old Christian values and who are we to challenge that? They were right about every thing, and EVERY thing should be restored in order to save this country from imploding. I mean, who doesn’t miss slavery? Slavery is fun! And I don’t really need to vote, especially when it’s cold and rainy in November. NO fun.
I’m sure everyone will agree on MY denomination, I mean it is the best. If people are pushy about being able to choose a denomination, then perhaps each state could adopt it’s own. I just hope that my group doesn’t end up in Alaska…I hate the cold.
Christians were persecuted during the Roman Empire, so it is time to get justice!! The tables have been turned and there are too many of us now. This will solve all our moral issues in this country because people who are Christian are automatically moral people! They don’t do things wrong. I mean you would never hear of a priest say, molesting anyone. Or of a conservative Christian cheating on his wife in one of those gay sex scandals, no, no no. It just doesn’t happen my friends.
Uh oh, what happens if Christianity no longer becomes the majority religion in this country? Will I have to worship Buddah or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, you ask? Nah, that is the beauty of having government intertwined with religion, we can TELL people to believe what we want them to believe!!
Conversely there are no good people in other religions, they just all bomb stuff with their terror bombs so having a Christian government is certainly the way to go for our country, and well probably every country.
Seems to me that most people will be accepting of this arrangement. So much so that perhaps we should impose our opinions and beliefs on the rest of the world. We will call it the “Great Crusade.” That is “ade” with a long aahh, as in the word façade, so it’s different from that other one, see?
This will allow us to get rid of that pesky gay marriage issue once and for all when the government itself is a Christian one! After all, a same sex marriage and partnership is NOT in God’s plan. God’s plan was to create life and love and then have humans procreate. They would then grow distant enough from God to become sinful. So then the plan was to wipe out all those people with a flood, and again allow humans to procreate, this time to a disturbingly massive number which damages the planet to the point of our own extinction. Then the plan is to take back the rainbow from the gays ( I assume by wiping them all out with another flood on pride day when they are gathered together to fornicate.) Then straight humans can go on overpopulating until I think God will just create another earth! Twin earths, how cool. Gayless twin earths.
The founding fathers meant for this to be a Christian nation with good old Christian values and who are we to challenge that? They were right about every thing, and EVERY thing should be restored in order to save this country from imploding. I mean, who doesn’t miss slavery? Slavery is fun! And I don’t really need to vote, especially when it’s cold and rainy in November. NO fun.
I’m sure everyone will agree on MY denomination, I mean it is the best. If people are pushy about being able to choose a denomination, then perhaps each state could adopt it’s own. I just hope that my group doesn’t end up in Alaska…I hate the cold.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Pets
Anyone who knows my cat, Sammy, knows that she is an extremely vocal cat. Sammy screams for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it’s when she wants to be let into her room where her food and litterbox are so that she can do her business. When the dog gets too close for her liking (usually within about 1 foot) she will scream and smack. She screams as she runs into the room to announce her presence. This is especially hysterical because the running scream becomes a staccato noise. Mah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. When Sammy is hungry (which is all the damn day) she screams and it gets louder and louder the closer I get to the food bowl. maaw, Awww, AAWWWW, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWW!!! If you enter a room which Sammy has already occupied for the purpose of sleeping or self cleaning, then she will scream at you to let you know that she was there first. Pick her up, Scream. Pet her, Scream. Look at her, Scream! The noise sounds like a baby banshee crying in anguish.
Anyone who knows my dog, Koda, knows that she has OCD. She has a severe obsession with her tiny tennis ball from PetSmart (henceforth to be known as “Ballie.”) Ballie is the source of endless amusement for Koda. Throw it for her and you will be her best friend. She never, and I repeat never gets tired of that game…even if you do. Spread out a blanket on the floor and Koda will carefully fold ballie into the covers and then search for the buried treasure. Ballie can be hidden in Koda’s toy box and she will remove every toy in search of the precious thing and then parade it around the house with pride to show us how she retrieved it. Her most beloved game (and most hated by us) is playing “Risk.” Risk involves nudging the ballie gently towards the couch/bed/dresser (anything it could get stuck underneath) and trying to catch it before it goes under. If she is unsuccessful it has to be retrieved in other ways (i.e. barking at it until we get it out.) Koda will even take Ballie to eat/drink with her, which means that ballie waits patiently IN the water bowl while Koda drinks. The result is that eventually every ballie turns into “ugly ballie” and must be surreptitiously replaced with a new one.
This past weekend I took Koda out for a walk around the back of the condo and I noticed a ballie laying in the grass like a fuzzy neon Easter Egg. Apparently a game of Risk ended in ballie rolling off of the deck which is a frequent issue (which has recently been resolved thanks to crafty Cristy.) I led her over to grab ballie and while I was trying to help Koda sniff out the now nasty thing so she could carry it in all of a sudden I hear from above me “MMAAWWWWWWW!” I look up to see Sammy’s chubby cheeks staring down over the railing off of the deck. So I can now add to the list in the top paragraph that Sammy also screams when she can look down on you in disgust.
Anyone who knows my pets knows that they are so weird.
Anyone who knows my dog, Koda, knows that she has OCD. She has a severe obsession with her tiny tennis ball from PetSmart (henceforth to be known as “Ballie.”) Ballie is the source of endless amusement for Koda. Throw it for her and you will be her best friend. She never, and I repeat never gets tired of that game…even if you do. Spread out a blanket on the floor and Koda will carefully fold ballie into the covers and then search for the buried treasure. Ballie can be hidden in Koda’s toy box and she will remove every toy in search of the precious thing and then parade it around the house with pride to show us how she retrieved it. Her most beloved game (and most hated by us) is playing “Risk.” Risk involves nudging the ballie gently towards the couch/bed/dresser (anything it could get stuck underneath) and trying to catch it before it goes under. If she is unsuccessful it has to be retrieved in other ways (i.e. barking at it until we get it out.) Koda will even take Ballie to eat/drink with her, which means that ballie waits patiently IN the water bowl while Koda drinks. The result is that eventually every ballie turns into “ugly ballie” and must be surreptitiously replaced with a new one.
This past weekend I took Koda out for a walk around the back of the condo and I noticed a ballie laying in the grass like a fuzzy neon Easter Egg. Apparently a game of Risk ended in ballie rolling off of the deck which is a frequent issue (which has recently been resolved thanks to crafty Cristy.) I led her over to grab ballie and while I was trying to help Koda sniff out the now nasty thing so she could carry it in all of a sudden I hear from above me “MMAAWWWWWWW!” I look up to see Sammy’s chubby cheeks staring down over the railing off of the deck. So I can now add to the list in the top paragraph that Sammy also screams when she can look down on you in disgust.
Anyone who knows my pets knows that they are so weird.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Political Rant
Frustrated!
*My appologies for all of the political/non-funny subject matter of late. I try to put these things on my blog rather than on Facebook because I assume that those who read my blog are familiar with my political leanings and are thus less likely to become offended. I promise to post something funny and light hearted soon*
Surveys on facebook thankfully have no scientific value and are not published as statistics, however a recent one grabbed my attention. The question is “Should people receiving government benefits such as welfare have to be drug tested?” An overwhelming majority of people replied yes.
Who do you think the majority of people who benefit from welfare are? Children. And do those children decide to be born to parents who can not provide for themselves and their families? No they do not. They have absolutely no say and if their parent can’t feed them because said parent smoked pot last week and failed a mandated drug test, then that child is helpless.
As a liberal I am frequently accused of having a “bleeding heart,” among other things, but as a liberal I can safely speak for most other liberals I know in saying that we are not under the delusion that the welfare/medicare/WIC/Foodstamps sytem is perfect. It is absolutely flawed and at times encourages recipients to stay in their current situation.
In my opinion, one of the best ways to start moving in the right direction would be to reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies, thus reducing the number of people dependent on the system to begin with. There are far too many people in this country and on this planet having children who simply do not need to be having children.
So, in walks Planned Parenthood, a non-profit organization which relies heavily on the government but also on private donations (mine included.) They provide birth control, condoms, counseling, pap smears, information and support, along with occasionally providing help with abortions when needed throughout the country. However here come the political issues:
Currently our system would appear to reward people who have multiple children. This is a flaw in the system which needs to be overcome.
Additionally, our government is currently going through a massive budget overhaul, in which they are attempting to cut funding for Planned Parenthood. PP is demonized for the abortion side of its business, a very small part of the organization which receives absolutely NO federal benefits as it is.
So, in order to save money, we are cutting funds for an organization that ultimately saves our country healthcare costs, saves lives, and decreases the number of unwanted pregnancies in this country thereby reducing the number of people relying on government funding. WTF? This frustrates me, and now I have said my piece about it.
*My appologies for all of the political/non-funny subject matter of late. I try to put these things on my blog rather than on Facebook because I assume that those who read my blog are familiar with my political leanings and are thus less likely to become offended. I promise to post something funny and light hearted soon*
Surveys on facebook thankfully have no scientific value and are not published as statistics, however a recent one grabbed my attention. The question is “Should people receiving government benefits such as welfare have to be drug tested?” An overwhelming majority of people replied yes.
Who do you think the majority of people who benefit from welfare are? Children. And do those children decide to be born to parents who can not provide for themselves and their families? No they do not. They have absolutely no say and if their parent can’t feed them because said parent smoked pot last week and failed a mandated drug test, then that child is helpless.
As a liberal I am frequently accused of having a “bleeding heart,” among other things, but as a liberal I can safely speak for most other liberals I know in saying that we are not under the delusion that the welfare/medicare/WIC/Foodstamps sytem is perfect. It is absolutely flawed and at times encourages recipients to stay in their current situation.
In my opinion, one of the best ways to start moving in the right direction would be to reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies, thus reducing the number of people dependent on the system to begin with. There are far too many people in this country and on this planet having children who simply do not need to be having children.
So, in walks Planned Parenthood, a non-profit organization which relies heavily on the government but also on private donations (mine included.) They provide birth control, condoms, counseling, pap smears, information and support, along with occasionally providing help with abortions when needed throughout the country. However here come the political issues:
Currently our system would appear to reward people who have multiple children. This is a flaw in the system which needs to be overcome.
Additionally, our government is currently going through a massive budget overhaul, in which they are attempting to cut funding for Planned Parenthood. PP is demonized for the abortion side of its business, a very small part of the organization which receives absolutely NO federal benefits as it is.
So, in order to save money, we are cutting funds for an organization that ultimately saves our country healthcare costs, saves lives, and decreases the number of unwanted pregnancies in this country thereby reducing the number of people relying on government funding. WTF? This frustrates me, and now I have said my piece about it.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Feminist Rant
Number one
The local talk radio is a frequent subject of my rants. Why do I continue to listen to it you might ask? I have determined that my brain in the mornings needs talk not music. I am not certain why, perhaps it is like the adult opposite of lullaby’s or something. Anyway, once a week they do a segment called “Jeff Unzipped.”
I’ll give you a minute to process that. Yes, that is what the segment is called where Jeff dishes on his take on male behavior, and I gag every time I hear it come on the air. To make it worse, right after they announce the title you hear a zipping noise. Did you just throw up in your mouth? I thought so.
That being said, Jeff actually gives some good advice the majority of the time despite accidentally belittling women in the process. This was my annoyance this morning, and thus I wrote this rant in my head while I drove all the way to work with angry eyes. You know what I’m talking about, my face looked all grrrrrrrrrrrrr.
He made the comment that “women usually enable each other to stay in bad relationships.” Not all the time, he said, just most of the time. Like putting the caveat that a couple of women are not enabler saps made it not sound bad that he thinks most of them are. He thinks we coddle each other in situations so that we don’t hurt each other’s feelings.
First of all, have you met a woman? I am pretty sure a woman gets her feelings hurt more often than Glen Beck uses a chalk board to link liberals to terrorism. More often than I talk about Disney. You see where I am going with this, pretty much every time a car passes on the freeway, there is a woman somewhere saying something to another woman that hurts her feelings.
When I was going through the abominable back and forth break up with my evil ex, I distinctly remember ALL of my female friends and family members telling me that taking her back was a terrible idea. They all said it in their own way, some subtle and some well, not so subtle. But they all found a way at some point in the shenanigans to advise me that she was not going to change and that I could do better. Even relative strangers were advising me to ditch the bitch. And THANK YOU!
If at some times in my life I have not given someone the advice that they need to hear, it is only because I know that I am not the right person to tell them or I know that they will not heed my advice. Sometimes someone is in a situation with a significant other, and although everyone knows it is the wrong situation, we also know that our friend will not dump said wrong person and thus it is not worth alienating our friend to make our point. Thus it can at times be better to hold off. Not “enabling” just being supportive until the right time presents itself. In my situation the right time came when my ex repeated her offense and I knew what to expect from my friends. Unfortunately I didn’t listen until about the 8th time.
Frequently people will attempt to assign certain characteristics to females or males but we are all too different to be analyzed as a collective. Women are not like fruit, with slight physical differences but all the same on the inside. More like snowflakes, similar basic form but all so different and beautiful. Some will give advice, some will hold off, some will scream it in your face while taking your phone away from you so you can’t text someone.
I have tried very hard not to generalize about men while I rant about Jeff generalizing about women…did it work?
Number two
I hate the Mike guy on Top Chef. On top of the constant testosterone fueled competitiveness he displays weekly, last night he made an annoying comment. “She is one of the top female chefs in the country.” Why “Female,” why not just one of the top chefs? Douche bag….I hope he loses.
The local talk radio is a frequent subject of my rants. Why do I continue to listen to it you might ask? I have determined that my brain in the mornings needs talk not music. I am not certain why, perhaps it is like the adult opposite of lullaby’s or something. Anyway, once a week they do a segment called “Jeff Unzipped.”
I’ll give you a minute to process that. Yes, that is what the segment is called where Jeff dishes on his take on male behavior, and I gag every time I hear it come on the air. To make it worse, right after they announce the title you hear a zipping noise. Did you just throw up in your mouth? I thought so.
That being said, Jeff actually gives some good advice the majority of the time despite accidentally belittling women in the process. This was my annoyance this morning, and thus I wrote this rant in my head while I drove all the way to work with angry eyes. You know what I’m talking about, my face looked all grrrrrrrrrrrrr.
He made the comment that “women usually enable each other to stay in bad relationships.” Not all the time, he said, just most of the time. Like putting the caveat that a couple of women are not enabler saps made it not sound bad that he thinks most of them are. He thinks we coddle each other in situations so that we don’t hurt each other’s feelings.
First of all, have you met a woman? I am pretty sure a woman gets her feelings hurt more often than Glen Beck uses a chalk board to link liberals to terrorism. More often than I talk about Disney. You see where I am going with this, pretty much every time a car passes on the freeway, there is a woman somewhere saying something to another woman that hurts her feelings.
When I was going through the abominable back and forth break up with my evil ex, I distinctly remember ALL of my female friends and family members telling me that taking her back was a terrible idea. They all said it in their own way, some subtle and some well, not so subtle. But they all found a way at some point in the shenanigans to advise me that she was not going to change and that I could do better. Even relative strangers were advising me to ditch the bitch. And THANK YOU!
If at some times in my life I have not given someone the advice that they need to hear, it is only because I know that I am not the right person to tell them or I know that they will not heed my advice. Sometimes someone is in a situation with a significant other, and although everyone knows it is the wrong situation, we also know that our friend will not dump said wrong person and thus it is not worth alienating our friend to make our point. Thus it can at times be better to hold off. Not “enabling” just being supportive until the right time presents itself. In my situation the right time came when my ex repeated her offense and I knew what to expect from my friends. Unfortunately I didn’t listen until about the 8th time.
Frequently people will attempt to assign certain characteristics to females or males but we are all too different to be analyzed as a collective. Women are not like fruit, with slight physical differences but all the same on the inside. More like snowflakes, similar basic form but all so different and beautiful. Some will give advice, some will hold off, some will scream it in your face while taking your phone away from you so you can’t text someone.
I have tried very hard not to generalize about men while I rant about Jeff generalizing about women…did it work?
Number two
I hate the Mike guy on Top Chef. On top of the constant testosterone fueled competitiveness he displays weekly, last night he made an annoying comment. “She is one of the top female chefs in the country.” Why “Female,” why not just one of the top chefs? Douche bag….I hope he loses.
Friday, February 18, 2011
The Demise of Panty Hose
I would like to formally propose the elimination of panty hose as a fashion option. I myself have not worn panty hose since I was forced to in a wedding or something similar about 10 years ago. That is a long time to go without them and I am confident that my legs are grateful.
What in the heck is up with Panty Hose any way? In England they have two terms for form fitting leg wear. Tights or Leggings. I assume this is because the British are cooler and more forward thinking regarding fashion and the like and thus have foreseen the ridiculous nature of panty hose. In the U.S. however we retain the distinction of all three options, and I want the garment in question removed from shelves. Useless, flimsy, uncomfortable, unflattering (evidenced by muffin tops everywhere) and itchy; panty hose were my nemesis long before I determined that due to a lack of skirts in my wardrobe I could do without.
Technically it is someone’s choice whether they wear panty hose or not but can’t it be like with guns? You can conceal it underneath pants or a long skirt so that it is not offensive and I won’t be frightened by its existence. There are really plenty of alternatives: socks, tights, leggings, pants, or even…gasp…BARE legs. This is 2011 and I think that there are about 5 women left in the country who would be shocked by bare legs, and they probably can’t see to tell the difference anyway. Good rule of thumb, if your fashion item (something that can be plainly seen as part of your outfit) can be replaced at Walgreen’s then it needs to cease to be a part of your wardrobe… yesterday.
I have researched the following health risks associated with Panty Hose: Urinary tract infections, bacterial vaginosis, yeast infections, heat exhaustion, eczema and rashes. That’s nasty, and further proof that stretchy leg prisons are evil.
If you have recently either purchased a large amount of panty hose or bought stock in Legg’s then may I suggest the following uses for Panty Hose:
Fishing nets
Cheese Cloth
Ipad protector
Dog poop baggies
Hand puppets (there are many colors of hose so you could have a culturally diverse collection!)
Tourniquet
Sling shot
Be creative and have fun. Just remember that panty hose are the corset of the 21st century and it is time to move on ladies!! We can consciously make the decision now and look forward to enlightening little girls about the former joys of clear nail polish to stop a “run” and bare toes stuck through the end of a ruined pair. They will thank us and please remind them that it all started here!!
What in the heck is up with Panty Hose any way? In England they have two terms for form fitting leg wear. Tights or Leggings. I assume this is because the British are cooler and more forward thinking regarding fashion and the like and thus have foreseen the ridiculous nature of panty hose. In the U.S. however we retain the distinction of all three options, and I want the garment in question removed from shelves. Useless, flimsy, uncomfortable, unflattering (evidenced by muffin tops everywhere) and itchy; panty hose were my nemesis long before I determined that due to a lack of skirts in my wardrobe I could do without.
Technically it is someone’s choice whether they wear panty hose or not but can’t it be like with guns? You can conceal it underneath pants or a long skirt so that it is not offensive and I won’t be frightened by its existence. There are really plenty of alternatives: socks, tights, leggings, pants, or even…gasp…BARE legs. This is 2011 and I think that there are about 5 women left in the country who would be shocked by bare legs, and they probably can’t see to tell the difference anyway. Good rule of thumb, if your fashion item (something that can be plainly seen as part of your outfit) can be replaced at Walgreen’s then it needs to cease to be a part of your wardrobe… yesterday.
I have researched the following health risks associated with Panty Hose: Urinary tract infections, bacterial vaginosis, yeast infections, heat exhaustion, eczema and rashes. That’s nasty, and further proof that stretchy leg prisons are evil.
If you have recently either purchased a large amount of panty hose or bought stock in Legg’s then may I suggest the following uses for Panty Hose:
Fishing nets
Cheese Cloth
Ipad protector
Dog poop baggies
Hand puppets (there are many colors of hose so you could have a culturally diverse collection!)
Tourniquet
Sling shot
Be creative and have fun. Just remember that panty hose are the corset of the 21st century and it is time to move on ladies!! We can consciously make the decision now and look forward to enlightening little girls about the former joys of clear nail polish to stop a “run” and bare toes stuck through the end of a ruined pair. They will thank us and please remind them that it all started here!!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Imagination Gets the Best of Me
Today I had an appointment scheduled with a guy we will call John. John was to be here at 3:00 to discuss the programs and tour the college. Anyone familiar with Admissions or my job will not be surprised to hear that John did not show up for said appointment. Shocking…I know.
John was supposed to bring his wife with him to the appointment. This morning when I called to confirm the appointment the wife told me he was sleeping but that she would deliver the message. When I called to find out why he did not come to the appointment she answered again. She told me that he left home and told her he was headed to an appointment.
I immediately assumed that he must be an alcoholic. John was going out to drink on a dirty bar stool and flirt with women with big hair and leathery cleavage in a smoky hole in the wall and he used this appointment he had created as the perfect excuse to give to his wife.
I realized later that it didn’t even occur to me that he was on his way to this appointment, was in some terrible accident and is now in the hospital. This is the kind of thing I would have considered a couple of years ago…now I create the alcoholic liar scenario or one similar.
That is a really sad reflection on my trust factor these days. This job coupled with my previous relationship which ended in a tangled web of convoluted unbelievable fantasy type lies (I think I remember something about Voldomort and Ringwraiths) have rendered me unable to accept simple excuses as the truth.
I think that I need my faith restored. Someone needs to let me down…cancel plans with me to go instead to your granny’s birthday and then let me randomly find a picture of you on Facebook digitally dated the day in question with you and Granny in a birthday cake fight! Something like this could restore my faith in all humanity!!!
I also have noticed that for quite a while now I will create a fictional scenario in my brain following a set of real events. For example, I could see a man in a restaurant staring at Cristy and I and then he will look away. Then I imagine that when I walk by he trips me, then I get up and ask him what his problem is, he yells “dyke” in my face, shoves me again, causing me to bump into the table behind me, reinjuring my tailbone, at which point Cristy comes up and pops in him the nose, he bleeds all over the waitress who is trying to help. More mass hysteria follows and before you know it Cristy is in Jail.
What just happened there? Does anyone else do this or is it just me? All that never happened but I am certain that I ended up giving that man dirty looks the rest of the evening across the BW3’s. Poor guy didn’t even do anything.
I believe that all of this stems from an over active imagination fueled by a few negative experiences which have stuck with me. Fortunately the positive experiences stick, too so I do tend to generally approach life with a smile. Just make sure you smile back or I will assume that you are angry with me because my ex called you and told you that I said something that I didn’t say so that you will be mad at me and now you are going to shun me until the end of days…..Wait..that didn’t happen, either. Phew
John was supposed to bring his wife with him to the appointment. This morning when I called to confirm the appointment the wife told me he was sleeping but that she would deliver the message. When I called to find out why he did not come to the appointment she answered again. She told me that he left home and told her he was headed to an appointment.
I immediately assumed that he must be an alcoholic. John was going out to drink on a dirty bar stool and flirt with women with big hair and leathery cleavage in a smoky hole in the wall and he used this appointment he had created as the perfect excuse to give to his wife.
I realized later that it didn’t even occur to me that he was on his way to this appointment, was in some terrible accident and is now in the hospital. This is the kind of thing I would have considered a couple of years ago…now I create the alcoholic liar scenario or one similar.
That is a really sad reflection on my trust factor these days. This job coupled with my previous relationship which ended in a tangled web of convoluted unbelievable fantasy type lies (I think I remember something about Voldomort and Ringwraiths) have rendered me unable to accept simple excuses as the truth.
I think that I need my faith restored. Someone needs to let me down…cancel plans with me to go instead to your granny’s birthday and then let me randomly find a picture of you on Facebook digitally dated the day in question with you and Granny in a birthday cake fight! Something like this could restore my faith in all humanity!!!
I also have noticed that for quite a while now I will create a fictional scenario in my brain following a set of real events. For example, I could see a man in a restaurant staring at Cristy and I and then he will look away. Then I imagine that when I walk by he trips me, then I get up and ask him what his problem is, he yells “dyke” in my face, shoves me again, causing me to bump into the table behind me, reinjuring my tailbone, at which point Cristy comes up and pops in him the nose, he bleeds all over the waitress who is trying to help. More mass hysteria follows and before you know it Cristy is in Jail.
What just happened there? Does anyone else do this or is it just me? All that never happened but I am certain that I ended up giving that man dirty looks the rest of the evening across the BW3’s. Poor guy didn’t even do anything.
I believe that all of this stems from an over active imagination fueled by a few negative experiences which have stuck with me. Fortunately the positive experiences stick, too so I do tend to generally approach life with a smile. Just make sure you smile back or I will assume that you are angry with me because my ex called you and told you that I said something that I didn’t say so that you will be mad at me and now you are going to shun me until the end of days…..Wait..that didn’t happen, either. Phew
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
