Credit Card Exam

As you may or may not know, I work in a specialist unit in the Call Center for a bank in the Northern Kentucky area.  My coworkers and I frequently lament the credit application process.  I do understand the business needs of checking things like FICO scores, fraud notifications and credit bureau information matches.  However if we had our way we would like to add our own “test” to the process.  It would look something like this:

1.)    Sally neglected to read the Terms and Conditions when she bought “Bohemian Butt Lift Cream and Gel Kit.” Since she did not read them, Sally does not have to abide by the Terms and Conditions.

True or False?

2.)    Joe participates in a transaction with “Junk In The Trunk” auto repair shop.  Joe provides his credit card number to "Junk In The Trunk" for this transaction.  Who is responsible for the fact that the charge then appears on Joe’s credit card statement? 

a.       Joe

b.      Joe’s Credit Card Company

c.       The call center customer service representative (let’s call her “Ann” ) at Joe’s credit card company.

3.)    Francis’ due date on her credit card is 9/15/14.  What is the very last date that Francis can pay her minimum due on that credit card without receiving a late fee?

a.       9/13/14

b.      9/15/14

c.       It doesn’t matter because Francis has been with the bank/store for 135 years

d.      9/16/14

e.      Whenever Francis remembers to pay

4.)    5+5=

a.       5

b.      10

c.       0

d.      It doesn’t matter, I’m not paying this bill, I am calling MY LAWYER!!

5.)    Horace sees a Free Trial offer on his TV and or Internet.  This offer is truly free and he doesn’t need to cancel it or return it within a certain time frame in order to avoid further charges.  SO MANY THINGS ARE FREE!!!!

True or False?

6.)    Being a belligerent screaming ass hole gets you further than being patient and understanding.

True or False?

7.)    Jack Sparrow buys a boat online and pays for it with his credit card rather than with cash.  That boat is going to be delivered to his dock within 45 days.  The charge should appear on his credit card statement:

a.       The day Jack’s boat docks in 45 days 

b.      The day Jack first purchases the boat (like if he had paid cash, see?)

c.       The day Jack first sails the boat

d.      The day Jack first drinks rum on his boat, provided it is a sunny day

8.)    Ralphie has a charge on his card that he doesn’t think is his.  The merchant is in his home town, it is at a merchant he usually shops with and it transacted on a day he was visiting that store.  However, Ralphie doesn’t ever use THIS credit card at THAT store and he states there is no way he would make a mistake and use the wrong card.  Ralphie did not make that charge.

True or False?

 

 

 

 

Sammy Cat

It’s strange how the loss of one pet out of three creates such a startling difference and sense of emptiness in a house.  I am familiar with grief and I know that for me it comes in waves of memories which trigger quick smiles, followed by regret and pain.  So I am so NOT looking forward to waking up in the morning and having to remember that Sammy isn’t here.  One of the worst parts of grief is the illusion of contentment that sleep provides.  But tonight I realized there is an actual task that has been keeping me from sleep: I found myself desperate to remember everything about Sammy so that I didn’t forget.  As usual, writing about it allowed me some small release. So, here are some things that I want to remember about my friend:

1.      When Sammy slept on my back (which was most nights) and I needed to roll over, I would move a tiny bit to warn her.  Then she would stand, and I would slowly roll while she barrel walked until I repositioned. Then she would settle back in.

2.      She didn’t like to drink out of a cup if it was too deep, so she would dip her paw into the cup and lick, and then repeat.  “Dip and lick.” A move similar to the “bend and snap.”

3.      She would sit on my lap and purr and purr but then suddenly bite my elbow for no reason.

4.      If you walked in a room and she thought you might not see her, she would go “pprraww!”  Which translates to “I’m here, see me!”

5.      She liked to bite plastic, usually a zip lock bag or the shower curtain.  She didn’t eat it, but she would just puncture a gazillion holes in it with her teeth.

6.      If you were holding her or if she was sleeping on your chest, she would like to put her paw over your mouth.  I think this was some kind of ownership/dominance ritual.

7.      We would “scoop” her, and she would tolerate it only for a short period of time, but you never know how long.  She would start going “mah” when she was over it.

8.      Sometimes she would like for me to hold her paw, like we were holding hands, and it made her purr.

9.      Sammy tolerated her way through many of my breakups, but she seemed to echo my  own feelings when she adopted Cristy as her official second human.   Over anyone else, Sammy, like me, felt Cristy was a permanent match.

I have two crushing regrets [despite my beloved RENT telling me "forget regret"] in my mind. One is that I didn't fully appreciate that petting a demanding Sammy was more important than playing games on my phone.  And secondly that I didn't set aside my own selfishness and go back to the room with Sammy during her last moments.  I wish I had been more brave so that I could have given her some final comfort, but I did not want to remember her that way.  Cherish your loved ones, pets, family, children and anyone or anything that makes you happy.  Everything in our lives is ever changing and nothing is guaranteed.  But I am comforted knowing that I am happy Sammy was a part of my life; I would rather have known her and lost her, than never known her at all.   

Idina and Jack

The reason I have no one to blame but myself that I didn’t meet Idina Menzel:

A few years ago my mother came to Cincinnati to distract herself from the fact that my sister might never ever go into labor with my mother’s first grandchild.  The best possible distraction was of course Idina singing with the Cincinnati Pops at the Cincinnati Music Hall.  I knew there were tickets left and I also knew I didn’t want to go alone so Mom drove on up and agreed to let me attempt to get those tickets.  And I’ll be damned if we didn’t get some awesome seats on the edge of the theater where I was in full waving view.  By which I mean I waved at that woman and shot “look at me, I love you” power stares at her throughout the entire concert. 

We were about ¾ of the way into the concert but only ¼ of the way into Idina’s amazing performance of all the best songs that ever were, when we received the text that Meg was in labor with sweet Jack.  Now, I expected Mom to up and bail and maybe even leave me there to brave the Cincinnati Taxi Cabs alone.  However, to my surprise when I asked her if we were leaving, like a kid asking if they have to leave McDonalds Playground, she said, “no, we will stay.”

What?! I could remain in my amazing seat and I could listen to Idina’s voice and look at her for the rest of the concert!  It was beautiful and epic, and to make you feel better about this story we didn’t miss any of the birth and in fact had to wait about 12 hours for any birthing.

So, the self hating “I could have had it” moment happened right after the concert.  We fast walked to our car and then drove mom’s Prius in a circle around the Music Hall following the one way streets. Concurrently we both noticed a crowd of about 25 people waiting at the stage door behind the building. They were waiting for Idina.  Mom looked at them as we sat at the stop light, and I could see the conflict in her eyes.  She asked “there is probably time, do you want to go meet her?”  This was an easy decision, Mom wanted to go to that baby, and I wanted to go to my sister and my nephew.  I looked at her and said: “It’s ok, Mom, let’s go.  And we did.  We were there early and slept in the waiting room and didn’t have to worry we might miss it.

I will never actually regret that decision, because I was with my family in an important moment.  To quote Rent:

"Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. No other road, no other way, no day but today."

 

My Agenda

The latest in poor innocent TV stars who have lost their jobs or been reprimanded for anti-gay speech is the HGTV Benham brother duo.  My favorite part of their story is that they seem to have finally realized and publicized that they don't have a "Free Speech" argument to win, however they have taken off and run with the "Gay Agenda" one.  That phrase, "agenda," gets tossed around like its a "regime" or "cult" kind of word.  However I feel perfectly comfortable if someone says I have an "agenda."  Yes, it is on my agenda to ensure my family is not discriminated against.  It is a dream of mine that one day people won't choose a single passage out of a centuries old book and use it to say that I am somehow immoral.  My "agenda" is just that, mine.  Everyone has an agenda.  And everyone has a right to their opinion.   But as the common agenda of anti-homophobia becomes a powerful force in this country, and since our country is a capitalist one, companies are naturally going to attempt to appeal to the majority.  I am sorry that "religious" anti-gay Americans now find themselves in the minority and feel sad about it, but a corner has been turned.  Martin Luther King had an "agenda," and while still not fully realized it was powerful and beautiful. 2 years ago Cristy and I discussed that we would probably not see same-sex marriage in our state until we were very old.  Today it is just around the corner!  No one is entitled to a TV show, just as if I were to walk around my office calling people immoral or sinful I would not be entitled to my job any longer.  So, I say, go make yourself an agenda!  And I hope it doesn't include "judging people even though my religion specifically tells me not to do that."

Gay Movie

If I could pick one gay movie (and by "gay movie" I mean a movie that no straight person would see without a gay friend to force them) that everyone should see, it is If These Walls Could Talk 2.  I have seen it probably 95 times (and by 95 times I mean 95 hundred times.)

Let me preface this choice by stating that this is definitely an R rated movie.  Kids are not invited to this party and anyone who is not comfortable with, um shall I say bedroom scenes, should not be invited, either. 

However, ITWCT2 is an amazing glimpse into lesbian culture and issues.  There are three different stories, the first of which features Vanessa Redgrave!!! as an older lady in a long term relationship living in the 60's.  Heartbreaking and frustrating, it shows some issues that gay women might have faced in that time period.  But it also encourages the viewer to think back on this couple's life and struggles together.  The second story highlights the issues that gender rules and feminism played for lesbians in the 1970's.  Featuring Michelle Williams! and Chole Sevigny! the segment reminds us that many women found themselves at odds with their feminist notions and their own attractions.  Because culture for lesbians was new, rules were confusing and structure rejected.  The third and final story shows a 90's lesbian couple, played by Ellen DeGeneres!! and Sharon Stone!! who are attempting to start a family. It brings to light the questions, pain, confusion, stress and hope that lesbian couples face when trying to address their motherly instincts. 

The movie, while provocative and emotional, is one of my favorite movies of all time, and every single time I see it, I wish that at least a few more straight people would be aware of the messages it contains.  If anything you can convince your husband to watch Sharon Stone having some lady sex, right? 

Disclaimer: if you would like to continue in your delusion that Ellen is a sexless, adorable, super lesbian, then I would skip a certain part in the third episode. 

Crazy Eyes

Allow me to preface this blog by stating that when I am mad about something I blog.  I hope this doesn't cause my readers to think that I am an angry person, because generally, I am not.  In fact I have been accused of being "too nice," "too sweet," or even "too happy" at times.  However, writing out my feelings helps me to get over certain things.  Once I write out what I would like to say about the situation I find that it no longer plagues my thoughts.  Sometimes when I have issues with people in my life, I will write out my points in an essay complete with examples and arguments but then 9 times out of 10 delete it and never send it to them.  It simply helps to get it out of my brain and onto paper.  It works, try it!

So today I was driving to work and encountered a crazy person I thought warranted a blog.  I held my phone in my hand, unlocked it with my code, found mom's name in my "Favorites" list, and called her.  Suddenly I heard repetitive honking so I looked in my rear view mirror and spotted some freak trying to signal to me that I was a DWT (Driving While Texting) offender.  At least that is what I think he was signaling to me; it was either that or he was trying to tell me that he likes to point dramatically at his own hand.  I held up my phone to indicate to crazy man that I was actually talking on the phone rather than texting while driving, which clearly to him is on par with making love to Satan.  This did not satisfy him, he was clearly on a higher mission to make me more distracted and possibly run both of us off of the road.  That is when this guy drives up next to me on my left, rolls down the window on his passenger side and starts spewing language and flailing his arms about, all while driving down the highway at 65 miles per hour.  So dude, at this point you are more distracted by trying to shame me than I would have been had I actually BEEN texting, which I was not.

People, you don't need to be the texting police; that is what the actual police are for.  And to make it worse this dude sped off going about 75 in a 55 ahead of me after he felt he had made his spastic point.  So he was distracted while driving AND speeding but I am the bad guy for calling my mom.  I bet he doesn't even ever call his mom.  I wish that people would mind their own business more often and everything would be more peaceful.  Who is this guy to judge me and what I do in my car?  There are so many things that can distract people while they drive: quieting a screaming or fighting child in the back seat, smoking, eating, talking, singing, sneezing, making phone calls, typing in a GPS, etc.  The police, the law and more importantly citizens have no way to keep everyone from being distracted while driving all of the time.  Being on the highway is dangerous, we all know that, and the best we can do is try to be the most aware we can be all of the time.  For me this includes watching out for people who are distracted and keeping a cautious eye on them.  That being said, please watch out for a guy with crazy eyes in a maroon sedan, license plate DUM-528* driving on 71/75 south in Northern Kentucky...that guy is most likely distracted. 

*I completely made up this license plate number because I didn't want to "distract" myself enough to write down his real one.