One of my favorite websites "The Oatmeal," a collection of comics, frequently comments on how little differences in speach or phrase can make a huge difference. I just witnessed one with a coworker.
What she actually said to a student: "If I thought I'd look like you I would start Zoomba."
What I thought she said: "If I thought I looked like you I would start Zoomba."
Very small variance, VERY different meanings!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Christmas Gifts
I love how the holidays have changed for me since I was a child. Many people resist change but to me things typically change for the better and while holiday celebrations and the feelings they invoke might have morphed they are no less magical.
No one forgets that restless excitement deep in your heart on Christmas Eve as a child. The anticipation of Santa coming while you sleep was almost too much to bear; I am still not sure how I was able to get myself to sleep. Perhaps sheer exhaustion from all the visions of presents dancing in my head eventually caused me to collapse. But I am confident I was dreaming of that bearded fat man and his sack of fun while I slept. Toys were the name of the game, I didn’t want clothes, shoes or anything but something that was plastic and had a million parts for Dad to put together.
At some point, possibly in the course of a single year the list became all clothes. Nothing but a stack of clothes, crisp and folded and waiting for me to inventory, deciding when and where to wear which.
As a young adult the holiday wish list reads like a bed bath and beyond receipt. Items for the home became the goodies that I couldn’t wait to get my hands on and carefully place around my new condo.
As the years go by and the presents change, their importance seems to diminish exponentially. I remember being young at Munner’s for Thanksgiving and feeling so let down that there were no presents to go along with the big meal and family gathering. “What a tease” I would grumpily decide. Now the excited feeling in my heart is the anticipation of the time spent with my wonderful family. The new additions of Mike, Katie and now our darling Jack have only served to enhance the joy we experience when we gather together. I have visions of smiles, hugs, pajamas, wine, appetizers, peanut butter balls, and a sweet baby’s smile dancing in my head. I can’t wait to be with my family and I dread the weekend ending.
New Years Eve has transformed itself as well. As a child, banging pots and twirling noise makers in the street at midnight seemed so rebellious and exciting! As a teenager and young adult partying and drinking were musts. We would plan and plan the New Years Party only to feel slightly let down that alas, New Years is really just another night out. The bars entice me less now than ever, with their $20 cover charge which gets you a Dixie cup of champagne and four sad balloons falling from the ceiling. Now I am much more content to stay in, stay safe and warm to watch the Holiday Specials and the Ball Drop in New York City.
I know that things will continue to change, they always do. Maybe they will come full circle. Maybe when I am 90 I will think it is wonderfully exciting that I am able to stay up until midnight and have someone wheel me out in the streets to bang pots and pans together celebrating the events of a year in my life. Only time will tell, but I know that time is precious and spending it with my family is the best gift I can give myself during the holidays and throughout the year.
Happy Holidays, Everyone!!!
No one forgets that restless excitement deep in your heart on Christmas Eve as a child. The anticipation of Santa coming while you sleep was almost too much to bear; I am still not sure how I was able to get myself to sleep. Perhaps sheer exhaustion from all the visions of presents dancing in my head eventually caused me to collapse. But I am confident I was dreaming of that bearded fat man and his sack of fun while I slept. Toys were the name of the game, I didn’t want clothes, shoes or anything but something that was plastic and had a million parts for Dad to put together.
At some point, possibly in the course of a single year the list became all clothes. Nothing but a stack of clothes, crisp and folded and waiting for me to inventory, deciding when and where to wear which.
As a young adult the holiday wish list reads like a bed bath and beyond receipt. Items for the home became the goodies that I couldn’t wait to get my hands on and carefully place around my new condo.
As the years go by and the presents change, their importance seems to diminish exponentially. I remember being young at Munner’s for Thanksgiving and feeling so let down that there were no presents to go along with the big meal and family gathering. “What a tease” I would grumpily decide. Now the excited feeling in my heart is the anticipation of the time spent with my wonderful family. The new additions of Mike, Katie and now our darling Jack have only served to enhance the joy we experience when we gather together. I have visions of smiles, hugs, pajamas, wine, appetizers, peanut butter balls, and a sweet baby’s smile dancing in my head. I can’t wait to be with my family and I dread the weekend ending.
New Years Eve has transformed itself as well. As a child, banging pots and twirling noise makers in the street at midnight seemed so rebellious and exciting! As a teenager and young adult partying and drinking were musts. We would plan and plan the New Years Party only to feel slightly let down that alas, New Years is really just another night out. The bars entice me less now than ever, with their $20 cover charge which gets you a Dixie cup of champagne and four sad balloons falling from the ceiling. Now I am much more content to stay in, stay safe and warm to watch the Holiday Specials and the Ball Drop in New York City.
I know that things will continue to change, they always do. Maybe they will come full circle. Maybe when I am 90 I will think it is wonderfully exciting that I am able to stay up until midnight and have someone wheel me out in the streets to bang pots and pans together celebrating the events of a year in my life. Only time will tell, but I know that time is precious and spending it with my family is the best gift I can give myself during the holidays and throughout the year.
Happy Holidays, Everyone!!!
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Christmas Wish List
Dear Santa,
I have been very good this year, and while my parents are always very good to me at Christmas Time and throughout the year, there are a few things that they have not been able to find. So I was hoping that in return for my position at the top of the Nice list you would be able to grant me the following wishes:
1.) The first one is an easy one, I want none of my appliances to ever break or become obsolete ever again. Don’t worry, Santa, the requests get more and more reasonable down the list.
2.) I need a way to have a child without paying thousands of dollars up front, but I am cool with the after pregnancy costs. More specifically, I would like a guy friend who is not very attached to his sperm.
3.) Please have people stop making baby’s pictures their profile picture. It is confusing because most of those babies look similar and I can’t tell who is who. Plus it is very disturbing to see a baby’s innocent face next to “wishes the f*cking traffic on Nicholasville road would G*d D*mn clear up and everyone would go the h*ll home!”
4.) Repeal Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.
5.) Disney World Season Pass and a Disney Vacation Club Membership. I guess I can front the plane tickets.
6.) Please de-scent all of my coworkers lunches so that I don’t have to smell things that offend me (like tuna) or things that make me hungry when I was doing just fine with my sandwich and apple (like Pizza.)
7.) Never Ending Toilet Paper Rolls for each bathroom.
8.) Gift Certificates to each of my favorite restaurants, alphabetized and organized into days of the week that I enjoy eating there.
9.) Make Cristy’s Diabetes go away.
10.) Helicopter so that I can go see Jack whenever I want. That means that Meg and Mike will need a landing pad in their back yard…so that, too.
11.) Vegan cheese that tastes like cheese
12.) After you drop off all of these gifts on Christmas Morning, please leave an elf behind to box up my decorations, roll up the lights, carry everything down to the garage, reorganize said garage, and take my dog out to pee before he leaves.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
I have been very good this year, and while my parents are always very good to me at Christmas Time and throughout the year, there are a few things that they have not been able to find. So I was hoping that in return for my position at the top of the Nice list you would be able to grant me the following wishes:
1.) The first one is an easy one, I want none of my appliances to ever break or become obsolete ever again. Don’t worry, Santa, the requests get more and more reasonable down the list.
2.) I need a way to have a child without paying thousands of dollars up front, but I am cool with the after pregnancy costs. More specifically, I would like a guy friend who is not very attached to his sperm.
3.) Please have people stop making baby’s pictures their profile picture. It is confusing because most of those babies look similar and I can’t tell who is who. Plus it is very disturbing to see a baby’s innocent face next to “wishes the f*cking traffic on Nicholasville road would G*d D*mn clear up and everyone would go the h*ll home!”
4.) Repeal Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.
5.) Disney World Season Pass and a Disney Vacation Club Membership. I guess I can front the plane tickets.
6.) Please de-scent all of my coworkers lunches so that I don’t have to smell things that offend me (like tuna) or things that make me hungry when I was doing just fine with my sandwich and apple (like Pizza.)
7.) Never Ending Toilet Paper Rolls for each bathroom.
8.) Gift Certificates to each of my favorite restaurants, alphabetized and organized into days of the week that I enjoy eating there.
9.) Make Cristy’s Diabetes go away.
10.) Helicopter so that I can go see Jack whenever I want. That means that Meg and Mike will need a landing pad in their back yard…so that, too.
11.) Vegan cheese that tastes like cheese
12.) After you drop off all of these gifts on Christmas Morning, please leave an elf behind to box up my decorations, roll up the lights, carry everything down to the garage, reorganize said garage, and take my dog out to pee before he leaves.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Letter to my Mutt
Dear Dakota,
I am so glad that you were born. Someone thought so little of you that they tossed you and your sisters in a box in the woods but luckily for you and the other rescue dogs most people are not like that person. Someone found you and gave you a temporary home until I could find you and become your lifetime home.
I love that there will never be another doggie just like you. You are unique and one of a kind and the fact that you are not a full breed dog means that you might not have undesirable characteristics that can result from over breeding.
I love that strangers are so curious about your sweet uniqueness that they consistently stop me to ask what type of dog you are. No one else can have one of you; you are your own individual made-up breed!
I love that you seem to know that you were rescued. You are so grateful to me for saving your life so you try extra hard to make me happy each day. Of course you are naughty sometimes but you find ways to say you are sorry.
I love your long undocked tail that looks like a broom sweeping the ground when you run by.
Your right ear will stand up but the other does not unless something extremely exciting is happening. Usually that floppy left ear just lies there, and it makes your face asymmetrical and adorable!
Above all else I love that you are my dog and I am so glad that you came into my life when you did, making you the only positive thing that resulted from my previous relationship! I will be your home and I promise to take good care of you because you love me unconditionally.
Love, Ann
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