Sammy Cat

It’s strange how the loss of one pet out of three creates such a startling difference and sense of emptiness in a house.  I am familiar with grief and I know that for me it comes in waves of memories which trigger quick smiles, followed by regret and pain.  So I am so NOT looking forward to waking up in the morning and having to remember that Sammy isn’t here.  One of the worst parts of grief is the illusion of contentment that sleep provides.  But tonight I realized there is an actual task that has been keeping me from sleep: I found myself desperate to remember everything about Sammy so that I didn’t forget.  As usual, writing about it allowed me some small release. So, here are some things that I want to remember about my friend:

1.      When Sammy slept on my back (which was most nights) and I needed to roll over, I would move a tiny bit to warn her.  Then she would stand, and I would slowly roll while she barrel walked until I repositioned. Then she would settle back in.

2.      She didn’t like to drink out of a cup if it was too deep, so she would dip her paw into the cup and lick, and then repeat.  “Dip and lick.” A move similar to the “bend and snap.”

3.      She would sit on my lap and purr and purr but then suddenly bite my elbow for no reason.

4.      If you walked in a room and she thought you might not see her, she would go “pprraww!”  Which translates to “I’m here, see me!”

5.      She liked to bite plastic, usually a zip lock bag or the shower curtain.  She didn’t eat it, but she would just puncture a gazillion holes in it with her teeth.

6.      If you were holding her or if she was sleeping on your chest, she would like to put her paw over your mouth.  I think this was some kind of ownership/dominance ritual.

7.      We would “scoop” her, and she would tolerate it only for a short period of time, but you never know how long.  She would start going “mah” when she was over it.

8.      Sometimes she would like for me to hold her paw, like we were holding hands, and it made her purr.

9.      Sammy tolerated her way through many of my breakups, but she seemed to echo my  own feelings when she adopted Cristy as her official second human.   Over anyone else, Sammy, like me, felt Cristy was a permanent match.

I have two crushing regrets [despite my beloved RENT telling me "forget regret"] in my mind. One is that I didn't fully appreciate that petting a demanding Sammy was more important than playing games on my phone.  And secondly that I didn't set aside my own selfishness and go back to the room with Sammy during her last moments.  I wish I had been more brave so that I could have given her some final comfort, but I did not want to remember her that way.  Cherish your loved ones, pets, family, children and anyone or anything that makes you happy.  Everything in our lives is ever changing and nothing is guaranteed.  But I am comforted knowing that I am happy Sammy was a part of my life; I would rather have known her and lost her, than never known her at all.   

Idina and Jack

The reason I have no one to blame but myself that I didn’t meet Idina Menzel:

A few years ago my mother came to Cincinnati to distract herself from the fact that my sister might never ever go into labor with my mother’s first grandchild.  The best possible distraction was of course Idina singing with the Cincinnati Pops at the Cincinnati Music Hall.  I knew there were tickets left and I also knew I didn’t want to go alone so Mom drove on up and agreed to let me attempt to get those tickets.  And I’ll be damned if we didn’t get some awesome seats on the edge of the theater where I was in full waving view.  By which I mean I waved at that woman and shot “look at me, I love you” power stares at her throughout the entire concert. 

We were about ¾ of the way into the concert but only ¼ of the way into Idina’s amazing performance of all the best songs that ever were, when we received the text that Meg was in labor with sweet Jack.  Now, I expected Mom to up and bail and maybe even leave me there to brave the Cincinnati Taxi Cabs alone.  However, to my surprise when I asked her if we were leaving, like a kid asking if they have to leave McDonalds Playground, she said, “no, we will stay.”

What?! I could remain in my amazing seat and I could listen to Idina’s voice and look at her for the rest of the concert!  It was beautiful and epic, and to make you feel better about this story we didn’t miss any of the birth and in fact had to wait about 12 hours for any birthing.

So, the self hating “I could have had it” moment happened right after the concert.  We fast walked to our car and then drove mom’s Prius in a circle around the Music Hall following the one way streets. Concurrently we both noticed a crowd of about 25 people waiting at the stage door behind the building. They were waiting for Idina.  Mom looked at them as we sat at the stop light, and I could see the conflict in her eyes.  She asked “there is probably time, do you want to go meet her?”  This was an easy decision, Mom wanted to go to that baby, and I wanted to go to my sister and my nephew.  I looked at her and said: “It’s ok, Mom, let’s go.  And we did.  We were there early and slept in the waiting room and didn’t have to worry we might miss it.

I will never actually regret that decision, because I was with my family in an important moment.  To quote Rent:

"Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. No other road, no other way, no day but today."

 

My Agenda

The latest in poor innocent TV stars who have lost their jobs or been reprimanded for anti-gay speech is the HGTV Benham brother duo.  My favorite part of their story is that they seem to have finally realized and publicized that they don't have a "Free Speech" argument to win, however they have taken off and run with the "Gay Agenda" one.  That phrase, "agenda," gets tossed around like its a "regime" or "cult" kind of word.  However I feel perfectly comfortable if someone says I have an "agenda."  Yes, it is on my agenda to ensure my family is not discriminated against.  It is a dream of mine that one day people won't choose a single passage out of a centuries old book and use it to say that I am somehow immoral.  My "agenda" is just that, mine.  Everyone has an agenda.  And everyone has a right to their opinion.   But as the common agenda of anti-homophobia becomes a powerful force in this country, and since our country is a capitalist one, companies are naturally going to attempt to appeal to the majority.  I am sorry that "religious" anti-gay Americans now find themselves in the minority and feel sad about it, but a corner has been turned.  Martin Luther King had an "agenda," and while still not fully realized it was powerful and beautiful. 2 years ago Cristy and I discussed that we would probably not see same-sex marriage in our state until we were very old.  Today it is just around the corner!  No one is entitled to a TV show, just as if I were to walk around my office calling people immoral or sinful I would not be entitled to my job any longer.  So, I say, go make yourself an agenda!  And I hope it doesn't include "judging people even though my religion specifically tells me not to do that."