Donkeys

Donkeys

Today I didn’t have an idea for a blog, but knew that I wanted to write one (a common and uninteresting excuse for not writing, I know) so I used the oldest trick in the book – making someone else pick something for me. So I asked my coworker for an idea or something I could research. Her response?

“Donkeys, I like donkeys.”

Well, who doesn’t? And DeeAnne probably figured that I couldn’t say no to an animal topic, whether it be scorpions or a cute little donkey so here goes.

I actually feel a calling to own a little piece of land at some point so that I can provide home to various farm animals and pets coming from horrible situations all across the country. They can live out the rest of their lives forgetting that people are mean on my happy farm of love. Want to hug a pig? Come visit! Enjoy farm fresh eggs? I’ll have some for you! Want to cut off a chicken’s head and watch him run around and smack into things? Yeah, then find somewhere else.

But I think a donkey would be more than welcome, especially if he let me dress him up in dresses and bonnets and put lipstick on him like in Nanny McPhee. Or maybe he would talk like Donkey in Shreck and I could train him to go to other farms and recruit animals out of undesirable personal situations. My recruiting background lends me many questions I could have him ask them.

“Ppsst, hey goat, over here, it’s the donkey in the dress by the barbed wire. Is there anything you would change about your current situation? How long is your life expectancy on this farm? Tell me about your hopes and dreams, and do they involve branding and/or cattle prods?”

If he were able to get them to open up, I am confident that they would find my farm to be a much safer alternative which is free of barbed wire, and I would have a party of awesome animals on my hands in no time, flat.

Something that I have realized about donkeys, they must be extremely useful and super awesome, seeing as there are like a million names for them. Donkey, Ass, Jackass, Burro. Male ass is called a Jack, and female a Jenny, which seems more polite than “Ass.” Then if a Jack and a Mare get jiggy with it, they produce a Mule, and if a male horse accosts a Jenny she will give birth to a Hinny. Luckily for the female donkeys that doesn’t happen very often, which is why you don’t see many Hinny’s tromping around your local farms.

When donkeys were widely used as beasts of burden they would commonly follow their human companions without the use of a lead or rope. They are so loyal that they will carry all your crap for you and follow you into the Grand Canyon over and over again. That is dedication. If I strapped some beer and sandwiches to my dog Dakota, she would eat the sandwiches and then refuse to move until I unstrapped her, I am sure of it. However it might be worth a try.

Donkeys are basically just as cool and cute as zebras but they don’t have the stripes, or the distinction of being shouted last every time someone plays the alphabet game. When I have a donkey, or a pack of donkeys, which is called a Pace, then I will name one of them Zebra and just tell everyone he is a rare stripeless zebra from Africa. Unless he talks, then I will name him Recruiting Manager.