Lyin' King

This fun little exchange took place about a year ago but I was just giggling to myself about it today so though that I would share so you can giggle too!

When I was but a young pup admissions rep at Brown Mackie College Northern Kentucky (on the bulletin board I always get dinged for not putting the dash between the words College and Northern, so I am intentionally leaving it out here in defiance) I had a student come in to tour the school. We will call him J.

J had quite a few obstacles to getting in school; his work schedule was here and there, he had 5 kids at home and he had been in and out of trouble with the law (which really means he had a bit of a drug problem.)

Try as I might I was never able to get J in for his Financial Aid appointment, which is a pre-cursor to starting school; students must have a payment plan in place. I bet we scheduled 15 appointments with him over three months trying to get it completed and he just simply could not ever make it. Every time I called he sounded like Eeyore answered the phone after taking 3 Zanex and drinking a bottle of rum. He always had some far fetched elaborate excuse (impressive for a drugged out dude!) 5-6 months later I had mostly given up on him when I received the strangest call from J’s mother in California. The conversation went like this:


J’s Mom: Hi this is J’s Mother calling from California.

Me: Um, ok. Hi!

J’s Mom: I know that J is a 30 year old man but as his mother I can’t help but worry about him still. J told me that his check was going to be late this month; do you know anything about that?

Me: His check? For wh……a Financial Aid check?

J’s Mom: Yes he said that his refund check from Financial Aid was late this month and that was why he needed some extra money.

Me: Um, um, I can’t give out information on students and also I am not in the Financial Aid Department.

J’s Mom: Oh, I see, yes I understand. Well, Ann, do you know if he has been coming to his classes? I just want to make sure he is doing what he needs to do in school.

Me: I am so sorry (sorry your son is a lying sack of poop, but I didn’t say that) but I can not give out any information on Students at all.

J’s Mom: Well thank you so much, Ann, I understand.


And you guys, this lady was like SO nice and had the sweetest voice; it was killing me to realize that J was lying to her to get extra drug money. Like even Leo DiCaprio’s character in The Basketball Diaries wasn’t THAT mean! I am picturing her like the little lady begging for insurance money due to her in the movie The Incredibles: gray haired, hunched over holding her little purse with the metal chain strap and a tissue. Poor lady!!

I tell you what J is one lucky bastard that I am not able to give out any information on students to anyone but the student themselves. His dumb self had given his mom my DIRECT LINE to call and check in on him. Risky move, I guess his motto is Hakuna Matata!