Why do bees chase people when people are obviously much larger?

A Study by Ann London

Few things strike as much fear into my heart as seeing a bee or wasp floating aimlessly through my peripheral vision. The way those bastards fly around, it’s like a tornado…which direction will the venom filled flying fuzzball take next? But why the fear? As humans we are much larger than they are, we have more control of our movements, we are stronger, smarter. “They are more scared of you than you are of them” my teacher would always say as I ran from them, arms flailing, on the playground. But in my opinion, that is bull shit. For something so small, a bee’s sting hurts, and a wasp, don’t get me started. I would rather have a doctor inject me with a shot of acid. Those little monsters know that I am scared, they enjoy it, and that is my theory as I embark on my journey to answer the question proposed in the title of this essay.

Now, I am fairly certain that I would have studied bees and hive behavior at some point in my schooling, but whether it was in High School (I would have been writing notes to friends) or College (same story except blatantly talking to them in those giant lecture classes,) the knowledge didn’t stick.

According to Wikipedia, “Bees are flying insects closely related to wasps and ants, and are known for their role in pollination and for producing honey and beeswax”….blah, blah, blah. Everyone knows that. What I was most interested to read in their analysis was “there are nearly 20,000 known species of bees in seven to nine recognized families.” What? Where are all those little nasty beasts hiding out? I am going to have to buy a bee keeper’s suit and also a smoke kettle to sit by me at the pool (because I can’t let that suit ruin my sun tan.)

In support of my theory, I read about a bee in New Zealand, which has figured out a way to open a spring loaded flower to reach the nectar. This flower typically is only opened by birds, however the bees have been observed “biting the top off the buds, then pushing with their legs, occasionally popping open the buds to allow the bees to harvest the nectar and pollen.” Seriously, bees are smart, and clearly have opposable thumbs if they can work all that out.

Apparently Bees’ ancestors were Crabronidae, no not a sexually transmitted holiday, but a type of insect which eats other insects. So, one could conclude that when bees chase us they are really trying to eat us, but I won’t go there…

According to my research, most native bees in North America do not “chase” people, they simply might be attracted to a perfume or brightly colored clothing. So to avoid them I guess I will have to contact my uncle to borrow hunting gear such as camouflage and/or deer piss to wear instead of my perfume. They rarely attack and only if directly threatened. (See they know the difference so they are smart little buggers.) However, Africanized bees, which have been introduced to North America by mistake from labs (when I find the scientists responsible I will paint their lab coats with pollen and stick them in a field of wild flowers) are much more aggressive. These “Killer Bees” are highly defensive of their hive, and will attack after even a very small perceived threat and with little notice. Regular “European Bees” take 30 seconds before they would consider attacking to protect their colony. Killer bees don’t take time to think about it, they just jump you.

There are some precautions about these gangster bees that I have found common in my research:
If you encounter Africanized honey bees:
• Run away as quickly as possible. Protect your head, especially your eyes and mouth. Africanized bees will chase for up to a quarter of a mile.
• Get inside a secure, enclosed structure, such as a car or building, before attempting to remove any stingers. A chemical called an "alarm pheromone" is released when bees sting. It draws more bees to the victim.
• Do not attempt to fool the bees by hiding or "playing dead" if you are stung. The bees will continue to sting you.
• Do not jump into water, such as a swimming pool. Africanized bees will wait for a victim to surface.
• If you are with someone who cannot run away from the bees, cover them with a blanket, tarp, or other material. This will not prevent bees already on the victim from stinging, but it could prevent additional injury. Do not stay with the victim -- the bees will turn their attention to you. Run for help.
• Do not throw rocks or other objects at a hive.
Ok, on that last one, if you throw a rock at them then you deserve to be stung, dumb ass. But on the rest of those…so you are telling me that there is really nothing I can do once these suckers are after me? We all know I can’t run so I would be the person under the tarp left for dead.

I will concede that there is no firm evidence that bees bother me simply to see the fear in my eyes, however they definitely suck more than I already thought they did. The other day I was headed to work, smiling as the spring sun kissed my cheeks. A golf ball sized bee buzzed out of the bush by my driveway and tried to zoom towards my car to get in with me. Even if I have disproven my theory about these creatures, I still maintain that I heard him laugh as my terror forced me to collapse in the seat and slam the door in his furry little face.