Frustrations in Admissions Chapter 3

Frustrations in Admissions
Chapter 3 – Hang Ups

As an admissions representative I get hung up on, on a daily basis. Today it happened when I was trying to secure an appointment for a prospective student to come in and visit the campus. “Does Kaplan sound like what you are looking for?” “Yes.” “The campus visit will accomplish A, B and C. Does that sound like something you would like to do?” “Yes.” “Awesome, what does your schedule look like…..” Click.

I don’t understand what the hang up accomplishes. As of now this prospective student has no concept of the amount of times I am willing to call him back, effectively harassing him to the point of questionable legality. So why not just tell me that he is not interested?

I will tell you why, he is concerned that as a sales person, I have some persuasive voodoo magic that will force him to sign papers, take out loans and sit in class like a zombie for 2 years. I must have that mutant ability (X-Men style) to control his very thoughts and actions, so he is going to quickly cutoff my mind control while he still has his own facilities. You know as in the old Sci-Fi classic “Attack of the Mind Altering Giant Admissions Representatives from Mars.”

The worst is the double hang up. Usually when I am hung up on mid-conversation then I will call right back to give myself the satisfaction of leaving a strongly worded voice mail suggesting that surely we were just disconnected and I would appreciate a call back. That’s when I sometimes get the pick up and hang up. Ahhh! You just denied me my revenge! Don’t worry though, I will call 125 more times to bother you until you can no longer take it and are reduced to singing Lady Gaga in fetal position in a corner: “Stop callin', stop callin', I don't wanna think anymore!” I would be surprised if most of these students end up running out of minutes on their crappy phone plan solely from listening to my voice mails.

Sometimes I will reach a prospective student who is so afraid of talking to me and my super powers that they will tell me that they are very busy at that time, and ask that I call back at another specific time. “Please call me back in 20 minutes.” Essentially so that they can note my phone number and not answer in 20 minutes, or ever again. Why not just tell me that they are not interested? “I am not interested” takes less time than arranging another call time!!

Again, I think that many times the prospective student wants to believe that they are going to go to school, wants to think that by requesting information that was all they have to do to feel better about not having started college, but they cant find it in themselves to take any further steps. It is therefore my job to use my super powers for good rather than evil, and try to find ways to motivate them. Suggestions will be noted from friends…