Online Training

Sexual Harassment Training

I understand that we live in a litigious society full of internet hackers and douche bags who try to pick up coworkers, but online work trainings seem so pointless and wasteful. The one that I had to take today wasn’t even graded, but perhaps should have been, because I am pretty sure that if someone were to not pass this then they are too dumb to work here. Common sense apparently has to be spelled out in the form of trainings so that someone does not confuse their work computer with Hustler or post their password as their Facebook Status update.

In the spirit of online trainings I decided to create my own, enjoy:

1. Joe and Nancy are flirting in the cubicle next to you, they enjoy each other, but the situation is making Sally uncomfortable. Do you:
a.) tell your supervisor that you are working with whores.
b.) go ask them to have a threesome.
c.) tell Sally she is a huge p*ssy.
d.) screw your boss.
e.) all of the above

2. Your work place is on fire however you have sensitive client information on your computer screen and around your desk area. Do you:
a.) Run screaming through the halls and jump out of the nearest window.
b.) Safely shut down your computer, but only after changing your password and backing up all of the information to a flash drive, and shreding all sensitive information, all while your clothes begin to burn.
c.) Have sex with your coworker, you’re probably all going to die, anyway.
d.) Make fun of all of your coworkers of different ethnic backgrounds.

3. Frances, the IT guys smells like Alcohol and keeps emailing you pictures of his ass and tripping over paperclips. Do you:
a.) Post his ass pictures on Craig’s List along with Frances’ contact information in the “For Sale” section.
b.) Push Frances down the stairwell and blame Sally
c.) Pull out your boot flask and join Frances in the Boiler room for lunch time Happy Hour.
d.) First contact your manager however if your manager is not available then contact her manager along with the ethics hotline. If you receive a busy signal on the ethics hotline, however your manager also calls you back and asks what was wrong, you tell her nothing because you have already contacted the other manager. Unless that manager doesn’t answer, too and then you leave a message for Frances telling him that he needs to contact the Ethics hotline regarding himself.
e.) Quit

4. A socially awkward coworker asks you what your favorite color is. Do you:
a.) Tell him it is green.
b.) Tell him it is blue.
c.) Tell him that it is pink.
d.) Tell him that you are legally color blind.
e.) Refer him to the Code of Conduct section regarding color prejudices.